I was so happy today I almost broke down

[Jsinjin]

My stbxuOCPDw left for mon-wed on a trip with our youngest daughter.   She was supposed to leave Friday but held on through the weekend.   This morning I couldn't escape the nervous fear but as I cooked my breakfast I was able to wash the frying pan and bowl for the scrablmed eggs at the moment I finished cooking.   I didn't have someone watching me to stop me or grab the pan away from me or talk about what the waste of water is.   Tonight I'll be able to make dinner and clean as I go and put away the dishes and not leave them in a pile in the sink.   I'll be able to wipe the counters off and hand wash the things that don't fit in the dishwasher right then.   Then I don't have to record all three channels of news and watch them from 10-1130 to catch each networks take on the events and I can empty the trash and take out recycling and wash my clothes and hang them to dry.   If I go buy groceries and make dinner for the older two kids I can pick food that doesn't go through a review of all the different stores and costs and I won't need to go to three or more different stores and compare prices just to buy a few things.   I can back my sports car into the garage because I like to do that instead of pull in head first.   I can use the pre programmed buttons in my truck to open the garage door instead of opening the glove compartment to use the original opener remote (she fears that using the one in the car will mess up the opener).

I almost sob when I think about it.  It took her so long to leave but now I'm going to have a few days of peace and calm.

[Poison Ivy]

I hope you move out very soon.

[ToAudrey]

I can just imagine how it must feel like heavy weights have been lifted. Hope you get a lot of joy out of the time. The stress can be so very wearing and difficult.

[Free2Bme]

As you are reveling in your reprieve, maybe you could dare to imagine this on a regular basis.  Enjoy the time with your children Jsinjin, make a memory or two. 

[pushit]

Ah yes, I remember the days when I so looked forward to her vacations and having a peaceful house for a few days.  I would leave work early the day she left just to squeeze a couple more hours out of it.  But, she inevitably came back every time and the drama started right up again.  I don't miss the days when she would come back and the hours leading up to it were spent trying to ensure the house was clean enough and things were in the right place, and being able to explain how productive I was all weekend.  It always made me jump a little when I heard the garage door open, I never knew what mood to expect.

I also recommend you think about what it would feel like to have this be a permanent situation.  Having a peaceful house and zero meaningless battles is one of the biggest blessings in my life right now.

[BeautifulCrazy]

Oh Jsinjin, I hope you manage to really relax and enjoy your time away!!
Imagine living free like this all the time?
It IS possible!!
It isn't perfect, but it's possible. You have the means and the ability to choose to live the way you want to.

I am looking around my house right now. There is a bit of kid-clutter near the front door... but that's it... No hoardings.
The closets have only normal, closet-y things in them.
The attic is empty.
The garage has only yard tools and my truck, which I park any direction and as close to any wall as I please. Or not. I can park in the driveway. Even with (gasp) muddy tires. Or on the street out front.

I dump out the vacuum refuse into the trash without pause. I don't check it for coins or buttons or earrings or toys. The house is bright and clutter free so I'd notice those things before they could get sucked up.
I rinse the recycling and toss it all into the same bin and sort it later. Or sort as I go. The method doesn't matter. It all gets sorted and curbside for Wednesday's pickup. 
I throw out whatever I consider trash, no moral or ethical dilemma or debate.

I cook.
I clean up.
No system or judgement over any part of it. I eat the food and I enjoy it. At the table sometimes. Or on the couch. Or outside. Sometimes when I'm alone I eat it over the sink so there are no extra dishes.
I put the dishes in the dishwasher the way I think they should go. No scrutiny, no debate. Usually I just handwash them all. Having a teen dry and put them away builds a beautiful piece of cooperation and conversation into the day, even if the chore is initially met with exasperation.

I don't watch the news anymore. Ever. Not at all. I don't miss it a bit. I get the odd update on the radio when I drive out to the store, which is ONE trip to ONE store with a list on my phone. If they don't have something, oh well... If it isn't on sale, maybe I will buy it anyway. Maybe I won't. $2 isn't going to break the bank.
I might get home and find I've forgotten something.
The sky doesn't fall.
I'm not irresponsible or a terrible person.

I can take my kids for ice cream. I don't have to account for the time. I don't have to account for the money. I can take them before lunch or even after bedtime cause, heck, it's summer vacation.

I can take my kids fishing or out to camp. It doesn't take two days of planning and packing and worrying about worst case scenarios to go out for a few hours or even a whole weekend. There are no lists of lists. Things break. Things go wrong. We deal. We flow. The frustration quickly turns into a funny story. 

I parent the way I think my kids need me to. I make rules. I make boundaries. There are expectations. There are responsibilities. There are chores.
There are infractions.
There are consequences, both natural and imposed. I try to be consistent but sometimes I am too strict. Sometimes I am too lenient. I change my mind and my approach while we find what works. We negotiate. Nobody judges my parenting but me.

Nobody yells.

Nobody rages.

Things don't get thrown around.

Nobody's morality, ethics, humanity or character gets attacked or called into question.

It isn't all rainbows and lollipops. We disagree. We get crabby. We get anxious. We need alone time. We feel lonely and sad. We feel angry and disappointed. We have dysfunctions and fleas. We work, at making things work. We struggle to break old habits and establish new, healthier ways of being and interacting.
I still get that dread feeling lots of weekdays at that certain time shortly before uPDh used to arrive at home...
like pushit describes

I don't miss the days when she would come back and the hours leading up to it were spent trying to ensure the house was clean enough and things were in the right place, and being able to explain how productive I was all weekend.  It always made me jump a little when I heard the garage door open, I never knew what mood to expect.

Some days everything feels horrible and cumbersome and yuck. But the lows are nowhere near as low and we get through it and past it much faster.

I know how hard it is to leave and stay gone. I know how difficult it is to even imagine leaving and imagine what a life after might be like. Jsinjin, my heart aches for you and your children and your situation. I hope you have the best PD-free couple days ever! And I hope that someday you have the best PD-free rest of your life ever too!! You deserve it.