Flying Monkey attack!

[p123]

Not spoken to brother for over a year now....

Dad called me. I didn't send brother a birthday card - So? He never sends me one anyway....
Dad trying to get involved "phone your brother and apologise". No!!!!

Then I get "well you're brother thinks you should phone me more". Eh? Since when is it up to him?

[lkdrymom]

Did you point out that he never sends you one.

My kids are estranged from my ex husband. Two years ago he told my daughter that he tells people that he doesn't have kids....so they took him at his word...he no longer has kids.  Yet his family still tries to get the kids to contact him. Last year we went on a cruise to Bermuda.  Daughter's 23rd birthday happened to be during the cruise.  That day she gets a text from her uncle reminding her that the next day was her father's birthday and she should call him.  She just ignored it.  I told her maybe she should have reminded him it was her birthday that day and no one called her.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Oh. Your dad is so smooth. 

Reconcile with brother because brother will be a flying monkey for ME!!!

[p123]

Did you point out that he never sends you one.

My kids are estranged from my ex husband. Two years ago he told my daughter that he tells people that he doesn't have kids....so they took him at his word...he no longer has kids.  Yet his family still tries to get the kids to contact him. Last year we went on a cruise to Bermuda.  Daughter's 23rd birthday happened to be during the cruise.  That day she gets a text from her uncle reminding her that the next day was her father's birthday and she should call him.  She just ignored it.  I told her maybe she should have reminded him it was her birthday that day and no one called her.

Thats just awful - hope daughter didn't ring her Dad..... What a loser!

[p123]

Oh. Your dad is so smooth. 

Reconcile with brother because brother will be a flying monkey for ME!!!

Oh yes it all gets swept under the table. Dad wants everyone to be friends of course so hes got two resources to go to.
In the past, hes said things like "I need this - speak to your brother".

A year or so ago brother approached me and said hes not visiting Dad on saturdays all the time and he was doing a rota. This rota included my wife (who my brother decided needed to "do her bit" - because his wife visited Dad).
I told him I never agreed to this and no way have I got time to do it. Difference is he lives a mile away from Dad, I live 30 mins, he doesnt see his kids (his choice), I've got a teen with aspergers and a 7 year old, his wife doesnt work and mines a nurse who works shifts.  I told him I'd visit Dad when I could, but I had other responsibilities too, and there was no way until hell froze over, thawed and froze again that my wife would agree to be on the rota after the way my Dad treated her.

We both got called selfish for this. Since then we don't speak. To this day, I'm pretty sure Dad was behind this Saturday rota, or, at the very least, he was supportive of the idea.

[PeanutButter]

Hi p123. Sorry after over a year they are still trying to tag team you (F & B).

You did great. You seem to have both of their numbers these days. You can see right through them instantly!

IME I think they may have had an agreement to be flying monkey for each other  and take turns coming at you to break your protective measures against their abuse of you.

Yes F wants you back in your role where he and B manipulated and controlled you. B wants you back in your role where he scapegoated you AND your wife.

Stay strong!

[p123]

Hi p123. Sorry after over a year they are still trying to tag team you (F & B).

You did great. You seem to have both of their numbers these days. You can see right through them instantly!

IME I think they may have had an agreement to be flying monkey for each other  and take turns coming at you to break your protective measures against their abuse of you.

Yes F wants you back in your role where he and B manipulated and controlled you. B wants you back in your role where he scapegoated you AND your wife.

Stay strong!

Thing is Dad wants a relationship with me that he wants. One where I fawn over him, call him every day, do his every bidding, listen to his advice, do what he says - Im just not interested at all in that.

[PeanutButter]

Hi p123. Sorry after over a year they are still trying to tag team you (F & B).

You did great. You seem to have both of their numbers these days. You can see right through them instantly!

IME I think they may have had an agreement to be flying monkey for each other  and take turns coming at you to break your protective measures against their abuse of you.

Yes F wants you back in your role where he and B manipulated and controlled you. B wants you back in your role where he scapegoated you AND your wife.

Stay strong!

Thing is Dad wants a relationship with me that he wants. One where I fawn over him, call him every day, do his every bidding, listen to his advice, do what he says - Im just not interested at all in that.

Sure cant blame you for that.

If Im remembering your story correctly: imo F reaps what he sowed. He had a loyal, unconditionally loving, doting son (you) doing all those things and then some. BUT instead of appreciating you and being reciprocating where possible he dogged you and your family, took advantage, ran you completely ragged for no good reason, and mistreated you in so many ways including smearing you about B.

He already had what he wants but but didnt ackowledge let alone appreciate it (you)!

Dont ever forget that, that you tried it his way for a long time but he still wasnt happy

[p123]

Hi p123. Sorry after over a year they are still trying to tag team you (F & B).

You did great. You seem to have both of their numbers these days. You can see right through them instantly!

IME I think they may have had an agreement to be flying monkey for each other  and take turns coming at you to break your protective measures against their abuse of you.

Yes F wants you back in your role where he and B manipulated and controlled you. B wants you back in your role where he scapegoated you AND your wife.

Stay strong!

Thing is Dad wants a relationship with me that he wants. One where I fawn over him, call him every day, do his every bidding, listen to his advice, do what he says - Im just not interested at all in that.

Sure cant blame you for that.

If Im remembering your story correctly: imo F reaps what he sowed. He had a loyal, unconditionally loving, doting son (you) doing all those things and then some. BUT instead of appreciating you and being reciprocating where possible he dogged you and your family, took advantage, ran you completely ragged for no good reason, and mistreated you in so many ways including smearing you about B.

He already had what he wants but but didnt ackowledge let alone appreciate it (you)!

Dont ever forget that, that you tried it his way for a long time but he still wasnt happy

Pretty much yes. I used to do everything for him then I began to realise that some of his requests were getting a bit unfair and pretty much unnecessary. It got worse and worse and then I began to realise that he pretty much did not want to do a thing for himself and had a bit of a knack of managing to get others to do everything for him.

Final straw was was I realised a lot of things, he didnt even need at all, he just wanted to "test" I'd do it.

[nanotech]

If you know the film 'East of Eden', my favourite part is where James Dean says, of his disapproving father,

'Someday he'll realise who his real son is.'

My dads done that trick on me too, about blood tests. They are so crafty.,
This is what I don't get about PDs. Where is the fluffy goosebump moment in tricking your adult child into ringing you? How is it a loving action at all, if you've had to coerce and control it into being?
It surely spoils the whole point?!

The answer must be that they don't feel love and compassion as we do. They just crave the nsupply of the duty call. And again. And again. And again. And again.😐

I had some flying monkey action right after the beginning of the pandemic. I'm NC with several PD family members. A crisis was coming and they needed their scapegoat. I didn't go for it.

I'm not sending my UNPD brother a card next month. It's one of those big birthdays. My dads already mentioned how old he's going to  be. I just told him I knew.
No card. He's been horrendous this year. He hardly sends cards and dad always excuses it with ' He's a man.'

UNPD sisterisn't getting one either. I've decided I'm stopping being hypocritical and I'm not doing any more one- sided fawning. I'm glad you've made this decision and the flying monkeys can fly off into the sunset.

[lkdrymom]

Hi p123. Sorry after over a year they are still trying to tag team you (F & B).

You did great. You seem to have both of their numbers these days. You can see right through them instantly!

IME I think they may have had an agreement to be flying monkey for each other  and take turns coming at you to break your protective measures against their abuse of you.

Yes F wants you back in your role where he and B manipulated and controlled you. B wants you back in your role where he scapegoated you AND your wife.

Stay strong!

Thing is Dad wants a relationship with me that he wants. One where I fawn over him, call him every day, do his every bidding, listen to his advice, do what he says - Im just not interested at all in that.

Sure cant blame you for that.

If Im remembering your story correctly: imo F reaps what he sowed. He had a loyal, unconditionally loving, doting son (you) doing all those things and then some. BUT instead of appreciating you and being reciprocating where possible he dogged you and your family, took advantage, ran you completely ragged for no good reason, and mistreated you in so many ways including smearing you about B.

He already had what he wants but but didnt ackowledge let alone appreciate it (you)!

Dont ever forget that, that you tried it his way for a long time but he still wasnt happy

Pretty much yes. I used to do everything for him then I began to realise that some of his requests were getting a bit unfair and pretty much unnecessary. It got worse and worse and then I began to realise that he pretty much did not want to do a thing for himself and had a bit of a knack of managing to get others to do everything for him.

Final straw was was I realised a lot of things, he didnt even need at all, he just wanted to "test" I'd do it.

My father did this to me too.  It is never enough.  You do ten things for him this week and he wants 11. They don't realize how good they have it, they just think they could have it even better until they finally drive everyone away.  And it is never their fault for being too demanding...it is the rest of us who are so uncaring.

[lkdrymom]

Did you point out that he never sends you one.

My kids are estranged from my ex husband. Two years ago he told my daughter that he tells people that he doesn't have kids....so they took him at his word...he no longer has kids.  Yet his family still tries to get the kids to contact him. Last year we went on a cruise to Bermuda.  Daughter's 23rd birthday happened to be during the cruise.  That day she gets a text from her uncle reminding her that the next day was her father's birthday and she should call him.  She just ignored it.  I told her maybe she should have reminded him it was her birthday that day and no one called her.

Thats just awful - hope daughter didn't ring her Dad..... What a loser!

Nope. Once he said that to her when everyone had gathered for his father's death....she was done.  The kids had minimal contact with him but never cut him off.  But that was it.  Now they are done.  My kids don;t want anything to do with that side of the family at all.

[p123]

If you know the film 'East of Eden', my favourite part is where James Dean says, of his disapproving father,

'Someday he'll realise who his real son is.'

My dads done that trick on me too, about blood tests. They are so crafty.,
This is what I don't get about PDs. Where is the fluffy goosebump moment in tricking your adult child into ringing you? How is it a loving action at all, if you've had to coerce and control it into being?
It surely spoils the whole point?!

The answer must be that they don't feel love and compassion as we do. They just crave the nsupply of the duty call. And again. And again. And again. And again.😐

I had some flying monkey action right after the beginning of the pandemic. I'm NC with several PD family members. A crisis was coming and they needed their scapegoat. I didn't go for it.

I'm not sending my UNPD brother a card next month. It's one of those big birthdays. My dads already mentioned how old he's going to  be. I just told him I knew.
No card. He's been horrendous this year. He hardly sends cards and dad always excuses it with ' He's a man.'

UNPD sisterisn't getting one either. I've decided I'm stopping being hypocritical and I'm not doing any more one- sided fawning. I'm glad you've made this decision and the flying monkeys can fly off into the sunset.

Yep I too think "what is the point?". You've tricked me into calling you, well done, hope you're proud of yourself.

Good for you with your brother.....

[nanotech]

Thanks P123.

I've stopped sending presents for younger sibling too. I've done this since mum died. It isn't reciprocated. I reasoned with myself that  I had to 'replace' mum for her, as mum used to sneak her a little money here and there. (She's not on a high income)

I sent her a silver pendant for her wedding anniversary. Not reciprocated even though it was my ruby anniversary a month later. I did get a card. She forgot it was my ruby. I'd remembered it was her silver.

Every year I would post her a Christmas present and would not get one back. I know you don't give to get,  I would get an arid thank -you text. She never rings. Brother never rings. Older sister never rings.

And they think the supply is never ending.
A couple of years ago I offered older sister some money to adapt her flat ( I was still in the FOG  and she said she needed a knee operation) No, she wanted a new flat living nearer to me.
I had the sense not to take that on.

Once I went NC with the brother and older sis, I had to block social media with youngest sister and niece too, due to flying monkey activity.
They all dislike the new me, but I wasn't that popular with them anyway! They just can't use me for supply any more.