New to this forum...

[Concerned One]

Hello. Just find this site through listening to Pete Walker's book about CPTSD.

My whole life has been one of confusion. Nothing made sense. I felt fractured and not whole.

In late 2018, a thought popped into my head: 'What if my mother did not have my best interests at heart?' That thought led me to the subject of narcissistic abuse which was like putting the light on in a perpetually darkened room. Suddenly EVERYTHING made sense.

Understanding emotional flashbacks as being direct messages from my baby self has been very useful. I am starting to feel whole again instead of disconnected.

I think this disconnection was caused by extreme cognitive dissonance: being looked after physically whilst my emotional needs were not being met. I could never figure out why I was always angry or depressed when I had been looked after my whole life.

There is so much to learn so I am glad to have found somewhere which can help elucidate this subject further.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome!  You have found a great place, full of information and support.
Most of the posts here are concerned with how to cope when one or more people in your life suffer with a personality disorder. There is also a board 'working on us'  that deals with healing and self growth.  See you around.

[Concerned One]

Welcome!  You have found a great place, full of information and support.
Most of the posts here are concerned with how to cope when one or more people in your life suffer with a personality disorder. There is also a board 'working on us'  that deals with healing and self growth.  See you around.

[Janeite V]

Hello. Just find this site through listening to Pete Walker's book about CPTSD.

My whole life has been one of confusion. Nothing made sense. I felt fractured and not whole.

In late 2018, a thought popped into my head: 'What if my mother did not have my best interests at heart?' That thought led me to the subject of narcissistic abuse which was like putting the light on in a perpetually darkened room. Suddenly EVERYTHING made sense.

Understanding emotional flashbacks as being direct messages from my baby self has been very useful. I am starting to feel whole again instead of disconnected.

I think this disconnection was caused by extreme cognitive dissonance: being looked after physically whilst my emotional needs were not being met. I could never figure out why I was always angry or depressed when I had been looked after my whole life.

There is so much to learn so I am glad to have found somewhere which can help elucidate this subject further.

Welcome! It is wonderful to read that you are making these great strides towards healing and becoming whole.

I am glad you are being self-compassionate when it comes to these flashbacks. Every memory takes on a new meaning once this crucial understanding of the narcissistic abuse is applied to it.

Well done and I hope you will continue to make amazing progress 

[Concerned One]

Hello. Just find this site through listening to Pete Walker's book about CPTSD.

My whole life has been one of confusion. Nothing made sense. I felt fractured and not whole.

In late 2018, a thought popped into my head: 'What if my mother did not have my best interests at heart?' That thought led me to the subject of narcissistic abuse which was like putting the light on in a perpetually darkened room. Suddenly EVERYTHING made sense.

Understanding emotional flashbacks as being direct messages from my baby self has been very useful. I am starting to feel whole again instead of disconnected.

I think this disconnection was caused by extreme cognitive dissonance: being looked after physically whilst my emotional needs were not being met. I could never figure out why I was always angry or depressed when I had been looked after my whole life.

There is so much to learn so I am glad to have found somewhere which can help elucidate this subject further.

Welcome! It is wonderful to read that you are making these great strides towards healing and becoming whole.

I am glad you are being self-compassionate when it comes to these flashbacks. Every memory takes on a new meaning once this crucial understanding of the narcissistic abuse is applied to it.

Well done and I hope you will continue to make amazing progress 

Thanks. I can't tell you how helpful it has been to actually listen to these primitive messages in my body that probably formed in my baby self.

Yesterday on the train, I noticed an attractive girl. Immediately I was hit by a wave of negativity.

Instead of running away or distracting myself from that feeling, I stayed with it. ASked what it was.

It was Shame.  I was not valued by my parents nor made to feel worthwhile. So why wouldn't a worm checking out an attractive girl feel shame?

Instantly this negativity was gone.

How could someone not value their own child I have to wonder.