Getting it from all sides

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Concerned One

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Getting it from all sides
« on: August 22, 2020, 08:55:19 AM »
I wouldn't blame you if you thought maybe I was the problem. Maybe a little paranoid?

At the moment I'm getting it from all sides at the same time:

1) Family - have known for a couple of years they are narcs. Only just realized that my parents actively worked against my best interests - set me up to fail; destroyed my self-confidence and self-esteem - ego basically.

2) Neighbour  - moved out of a house last year where it was impossible to live with the narc landlord, only to have what appears to be a covert/fragile/vulnerable narc living above me - very meek/timid in person, but behind closed doors acts aggressively with guitar/stereo/loud footsteps/dropping heavy things on floor late at night etc

3) Work - a colleague waged a campaign against me claiming I was bullying him despite him being the one reporting me to management for anything and everything. I was moved to a different dept where my pay has dropped significantly and often they just plain underpay me whilst the other guy makes bank with all the overtime thats going spare now I'm not there.

It's a three-pronged attack. The internal messages are all saying gtf out of there NOW, but it isn't going to be a quick process.

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clara

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Re: Getting it from all sides
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2020, 12:45:47 PM »
I suspect a LOT of us have been in your shoes, Concerned.  I certainly have been.  My FOO weren't PDs, but they had their issues and for some reason "setting me up to fail" was on their agenda. Telling me I can't do something before I even try, that I'll just give up, that I'll fail, in other words, projecting their own insecurities onto me because I was the vulnerable one in the family.  They saw how willing I was to accept their judgement, how I wouldn't fight back.  I was a good victim. 

And I maintained that position for a lot of years.  Allowed other people to walk all over me, which only encouraged those with the tendency.  I was a narc magnet,  Rather than give any push back, I accepted that I was the one with the problem.  I was so inward focused I couldn't see clearly what was going on outside.  Yes, I had my issues, but I was also attracting others with their issues which they could pretend didn't exist because I was willing to give them cover. 

It helps a lot of know what you can change and what you can't.  For me, I try to connect with that "now, wait a moment" moment, the one where I instinctively know it's not me, it's the other person.  In the past, I would've put the situation down to all me, all the time, and it took time and conscious awareness to get past that.  It helps to sound out the situation with someone else who's not invested in the situation, such as with the folks on this site.  Often, just hearing someone else say no, you're not wrong, can do wonders.