Narc goes down in flames

[Call Me Cordelia]

Holy crap. I suspected a certain member of an organization to which I belong was a narcissist. But he just outed himself in a big way. He was dismissed from said organization, and immediately began a vicious smear campaign on the leader who dismissed him and tried to drag the rest of us into it. All the DARVO. And now he's bringing in a FM to attack the organization from the sidelines. It's absolutely unreal.  The sanctimonious playing the victim. The drama. The I'm-being-oh-so-reasonable.

This guy is just like my uNBIL. And he is only making things so much worse for himself. Nobody asked for all this drama. And even if anyone did feel inclined to take his side, his subsequent behavior has annihilated any chance of there being a reconsidering of his dismissal. He's been harassing the person who dismissed him and forwarded all the emails to everyone. They got progressively more outrageous. He even said something to the effect of the leader's lack of response must mean he's so embarrassed by his hasty decision to dismiss him that he'd assume that he is still in the organization!!! 

Shameless.

The problem (for me) is my daughter is friendly with his daughter.

My father treated people like this. It cost me friends as a kid. I feel sad for his little girl. She's a nice kid. But oh my gosh. I was always cautious about this family but now I want to run away. In such a way as not to draw attention to the fact. But my daughter doesn't have a whole lot of friends right now and it's not this little girl's fault. 

[Wilderhearts]

I thought this was just going to be a healthy slice of schadenfreude, of pwPD's behaviour catching up to them with unavoidable consequences, until I read that twist. 

I've read of a number of Out of the FOG members dealing with this - wanting to support children of pwPD and the friendships those children have with your own children.  Strangely, I don't know that my uNPDf's behaviour directly interfered to end friendships, probably because he never took an active role of any kind in his children's social lives.   

What about the rest of the family?  Is his daughter negatively affecting your daughter, or is she dealing with having an uNPDf without victimizing others?  Can you support that friendship without exposing yourself and your family to his abuse and chaos (e.g., just keep things at your home, on your terms, no/minimal contact with him)?

[Call Me Cordelia]

Thanks. So far I really have never interacted with dad in connection with the children's friendship. It's always the mom arranging things. She is... difficult in her own way. But I've managed with boundaries. Our girls are still young and really just want to play. I haven't noticed any concerning behavior from the girl that's outside usual age-appropriate minor stuff that's easily dealt with.

If the friendship becomes unsustainable ok. But I really don't want to put the burden of the parent's disorder on the child any more than I have to or more than it certainly is.

[Boat Babe]

That's a tricky situation. I am confident that you will manage it well and protect your daughter now that you yourself are out if the fog.
Your compassion for this other little girl is to your credit.

[Free2Bme]

 

My  $.02...as a mom of 4, I would preemptively prepare/protect DD incase this goes south, this family might pull away after all the drama.  Obviously, DD doesn't need to be burden by the grown up dynamics of the situation with the dad of friend, but I wouldn't want my child to get hurt wondering why the playdates stopped and what happened to my friend?

Maybe the lesson is ...some friends are in our lives for a season, some we are blessed to have throughout our lives.