I want to talk about Neighbour

[Starboard Song]

There is a huge gap to live in, between being a whiner-who-likes-to-interfere, and being inauthentic. There is a really great place between those, and it is available to you, though it can be difficult to acheive. I don't think you are trying to interfere in his personal life, and your posting here isn't whining. So go easy on yourself.

He asked if you worked nights. The simple answer was no. The complex answer was "goodness, no, and it is a good thing; I try to get to bed by 10 or 11 every night." Neither had to directly address his behavior. The latter was a gentle hint about your interests.

When we get comfortable in our own skins, and feel safe, we express ourselves matter-of factly. We even add facts to guide people towards understanding our interests and accomodating them. I don't know how to tell someone to get there, but I commend to you the books in the first line of my signature, which have been the most help to my DW on her own journey.

Be good. Be strong.

[lakersgirl248]

I reall feel for you. I think that you should not worry about it and I hope you will get through this

[Angelacl]

I also had a suspicious neighbour that was too quiet and almost never got out of his apartment until one day he just moved out of there and we've never heard why and where he is now!

[Concerned One]

On further reflection I believe the main problem here is my rigid boundaries:

Emasculates by my mother, I can see almost anything as a threat to my existence.

Lately it's been my neighbours television but if I'm totally honest with myself, it's loud enough to hear but not overly loud. Plus it only really occurs during the later part of the evening. But my rigid boundary demands total and complete silence which in an built-up urban area is not going to happen.

I have two options:
1) tell him to turn it down - which involves infringing on his boundaries
2) allow it. I watch television with headphones on anyway so I don't really hear it and I sleep with earplugs in so it doesn't affect my sleep.

What I'd really like to do is loosen these rigid boundaries so I don't keep seeing conflict everywhere I go.