New member, seeking help with abusive texting from BPD sister

[mamoosh]

Hello

I've suspected for a long time that my sister has undiagnosed BPD.  I've been surviving but recently our mum has received a terminal diagnosis and all my sister's behaviours have worsened.  I think I am working through a lot of it myself but my main challenge is working out how best to respond to abusive texts.  My sister has an alcohol problem and drinking usually starts a barrage of abusive texts which really upset me.  Previously she seemed to be in a place where she could apologise in the morning but recently the texts have continued into the next day.  They are riddled with false accusations and projecting guilt and shame.  She won't drop it until I've apologised for whatever it is I have been accused of.  I received about 60 texts saying I didn't send my dad a birthday card when she knew I had posted it and he had left it i the bottom of the letter box.  I've recently called her out on the behaviour and stated that I need to block her number when it happens because the messages are abusive and I find it distressing.  This isn't really solving anything as the texts just restart once she is unblocked. I know that with some ways of dealing with this behaviour the abuse can get worse before it gets better so I am not sure whether to stick it out or not.  I'm dealing with this 2 or 3 times a week at the moment.

Part of the issue is I don't really want to cut off all communication at this difficult time for my family.  My sister can always phone me on the landline (I did invite her to do this when I received a daytime text saying how very vulnerable she felt but I knew she would not take me up on it because the texting is just an easy way for her to fire off rage).  I do feel guilty about blocking her (LOL) because I know that inside she is a confused, lonely, frightened person...

There's a lot more to this and the family dynamic, as you can imagine but I'm trying to keep this succinct.

I wondered how more experienced people would deal with these texts.  Would you block off this avenue of communication, ignore or do a 'medium chill' technique?  I was wondering about making a 'medium chill' statement and say I am turning me phone off until she feels better.  Really grateful for any experience. 

[Thru the Rain]

You stated that you have a land line, your sister has that number and you've invited her to use it.

I would block her from your cell phone immediately. She is abusing you and you have an absolute right to make it stop.

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

I have an undiagnosed BPD/NPD sister.

You need to put your needs first. It's OK to calmly set boundaries and stick to them. You need to look after yourself as no one else is going to do that for you.

Ask yourself what you WANT to do, not what you should, need, must or could do. That helps me.

Observe, don't absorb.

[Lillith65]

Hi there,

I also have an UBPD sister and an UPD mother. My sister can be vicious and nasty on the phone, in text and in person. Although I understand her difficulties - I grew up in the same dyfunctional, traumatising home - I no longer accept her behaviour.

My Dad was dying of cancer in 2017 and died the same year. My sister would put vicious things about me on social media so I blocked her. When I saw her in person and she continued to be abusive I stopped seeing her. When she left me a nasty voicemail I blocked her. I am now NC with both my UBPD sister and my manipulative and abusive UPD mother.

My own mental health is more important. If a dog keeps biting you why allow it into your home?

[desertpine]

Wow- that kind of behavior by your sister is abusive and you have every right to block her number. Doesn't matter if she is depressed or lonely as a person - that doesn't give her the right to treat you like this. And a family crisis doesn't mean she gets to be so mean. You have every right to protect yourself - especially now. So I'd say go ahead and block the number - and make a commitment to yourself that it will stay blocked until she shows she can be trusted to be respectful.