to blog or not to blog?

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desertpine

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to blog or not to blog?
« on: September 02, 2020, 03:56:42 PM »
I need some advice and guidance  - For as long as I can remember, I've enjoyed writing. My imagination creates stories as a way to cope with difficulties. And I like to share personal stories about recovering from mental illness because it helps me and others find healing, greater understanding, and connection. Although I've wanted to say more about the things I've been through, I'm quite scared of the possible - actually inevitable- retaliation from loved ones. I don't want to humiliate them, embarrass them, or come across as blaming. I don't want to hurt them. But I am hurting from holding so many secrets, from my pain being invalidated and underneath still believing it really is my fault that the family is so broken.
I've been wanting to do a blog or to write articles about my journey, my recovery from childhood abuse and a family with untreated mental illness. How can I do that without hurting them? How can I protect myself?  Maybe being anonymous and changing details so no one can be identified?

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GettingOOTF

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Re: to blog or not to blog?
« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2020, 05:25:39 PM »
Many years ago I had a blog where I wrote about some of the things going on in my life. I was married to an abusive man with various mental health issues. This was mostly what I wrote about. My writing got quite a bit of notice at the time. I wrote under a pseudonym and I didn’t promote the blog to my family. My ex was aware of it. He wasn’t happy but what I got out of sharing made me stronger and less under his thumb.

I found the entire process very cathartic. I never thought of myself as a writer and it turns out I’m quite a talented story teller. People from all over the world related and reached out. It was the first time I ever felt heard.

There’s a quote that goes something like “if people wanted me to write more fondly about them they should have behaved better”.

YOU OWN YOUR STORY! This took me almost a lifetime to learn. No dysfunctional family system reacts well to their secrets being told. Dysfunction is built on secrets, but you are not responsible for being a keeper of those secrets.

You can start a blog and keep it private, you can change your name and details. You can start small with your “easier” stories. I think that if this is something you feel pulled to do then you should. You don’t have to tell anyone ever or you can tell them later when you feel stronger.

Again, you own your stories and your truth is your truth. I am grateful for every single person brave enough to tell their stories as they are the ones who helped pull me out of the darkness and show me there was a different way to live.


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guitarman

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Re: to blog or not to blog?
« Reply #2 on: September 02, 2020, 06:15:41 PM »
I haven't started a blog but I have regularly posted here anonymously. It has helped me to process what I have experienced. I don't ever post on Facebook as I don't think that you can be anonymous on there. So be aware of where you post if you want to remain anonymous. Remember not to identify yourself or anyone else. Change details if you must. You don't have to be specific. Journaling is an effective way of organising your thoughts and seeing it in black and white validates what has happened. It was real after all. It DID happen.

So often targets of abuse minimise what has happened to them. Be real. Be authentic. Say it like it is. You have a right to calmly talk about your feelings.

We need to all tell our stories. We need to raise awareness about personality disorders and narcissistic abuse. That is why I post here. I am glad if it helps others.

You may like to link up with a mental health organisation that could help you more. Maybe you could write an anonymous article for their website. You may like to become more of a mental health activist to seek change and raise awareness.

Abuse hides in the darkness. We all need to shine a light on it wherever it occurs.
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

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DistanceNotDefense

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Re: to blog or not to blog?
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2020, 12:15:39 PM »
Desertpine, you could also try Medium, and not just blogging. 🙂 I've thought about this myself but using a pseudonym.

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Concerned One

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Re: to blog or not to blog?
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2020, 02:21:01 PM »
Many years ago I had a blog where I wrote about some of the things going on in my life. I was married to an abusive man with various mental health issues. This was mostly what I wrote about. My writing got quite a bit of notice at the time. I wrote under a pseudonym and I didn’t promote the blog to my family. My ex was aware of it. He wasn’t happy but what I got out of sharing made me stronger and less under his thumb.

I found the entire process very cathartic. I never thought of myself as a writer and it turns out I’m quite a talented story teller. People from all over the world related and reached out. It was the first time I ever felt heard.

There’s a quote that goes something like “if people wanted me to write more fondly about them they should have behaved better”.

YOU OWN YOUR STORY! This took me almost a lifetime to learn. No dysfunctional family system reacts well to their secrets being told. Dysfunction is built on secrets, but you are not responsible for being a keeper of those secrets.

You can start a blog and keep it private, you can change your name and details. You can start small with your “easier” stories. I think that if this is something you feel pulled to do then you should. You don’t have to tell anyone ever or you can tell them later when you feel stronger.

Again, you own your stories and your truth is your truth. I am grateful for every single person brave enough to tell their stories as they are the ones who helped pull me out of the darkness and show me there was a different way to live.

I would like to do this. What kind of blogs did you write? I mean what did you write about? In what way? Real life stories?

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GettingOOTF

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Re: to blog or not to blog?
« Reply #5 on: September 03, 2020, 02:41:53 PM »
I wrote first person accounts of things that happened in my life and how they impacted me.