They say Borderlines get better over time. I'm not sure they measure it right.

[Samuel S.]

We can all say that our childhood was good or bad, and that's why we are the way we are. While this is understandable, we alone are responsible for our own actions and our attitudes. Our PDs have chosen to be bad, and they have chosen to act towards us the way they have been doing.

As fixers, we try to help, but it seems they want to be right and not to be fixed. They are like wounded animals that never heal.

[Mary]

I set boundaries.  I exercised the boundaries and over time retrained my pdh to a large degree regarding how I could be treated.

An example was he likes to become outraged about current events and drag me into it and get a rise from me.  I no longer let him go on and on.  I say things like , yes that is bad, but I know enough about it now and have other things to do.  He will still try to drag me in but i resist by asking him if he wants a stamp and envelope to write his congressman. 

When he talks in circles and asks questions then does not let me answer,  I state, this is no longer a two way conversation so I will leave you with it.  And I leave.

If he is mad about something outside the house,  and yelling or ranting, I say, What did I do to ne yelled at, I dont like being yelled at so I will find something better to do like clean the bathroom.

Basically I am no longer the emotional dumping ground, he finds other ways to deal with his garbage. 

These specific examples are really helpful. Thanks!

[Mary]

I see the effect my H's childhood has had on him, I know exactly how he got to be how he is. I just don't know what to do about it. Like, "hey you had a really messed up childhood, and I think you should talk to someone about it" Thing is, he thinks it was normal. It most certainly was not normal.