PD parent always has to “one up” people

[jennsc85]

Is your's like this?

I've been in the hospital with my 1 year old for days now and have had to update pretty much everyone in my life on what's going on. I told my 95 year old grandpa...... who in turn told my uPD mother.

She called me last night wanting to know what was going on. After I told her she told me about how when she was younger than my daughter, she went in the hospital and died and had to be revived and THAT was worse than what I'm going through with my daughter. (I realized this is why I had her number blocked for 2 years and communicated only through email....)

She's been like this her whole life. If you have the flu, well she's had pneumonia- 3 times! If you know a lot about something- she's read 25 books on the matter which basically makes her a PhD. If you got a promotion- well, she COULD have had her own successful business better than the one you work for if only her parents had supported her more.

If you have any problem, complaint, accomplishment... She will do you one better (or worse!) I've learned to expect it but yesterday really threw me that my coworkers, and my kids babysitter are more genuinely concerned than my own mother.

[nanotech]

I'm sending lots of kind thoughts and love. I'm hoping your little one gets better very soon.
Has anyone asked you how YOU are? If not, how are you? 
Are you managing to sleep at all?  Bless you and much love and healing to your baby.
Respond to the human kindness you ARE  getting, and if conversations with mum are negative, just curtail them.
They believe that their interest is enough. Once they've expressed that by ringing and dragging out all of the details, they then can't seem to help comparing it to their own real or illusory experiences. 

Remember. You are your own person. 
It's a big big world.   
You don't need anything from her.
Your mum is just one person in millions.
Look toward the millions!
There is love in the world, and there is empathy. We don't have to rely on it coming from them. Xx

[SunnyMeadow]

I hope your sweet little one gets better soon! How scary for you jennsc85.

It's really sad that you got that sort of reply from your mother. Typical for many PD people, but it had to be hard to deal with when she flipped it around on you. Yes, my uNPDm does similar things. I have a disease, turns out she has this morphed into her having this same disease when she was younger. Luckily for her .... SHE got over it. 

You'd think a grandma would offer some compassion and concern. Too much to ask from them. I'm sorry jennsc85.

I'm hoping your 1 y.o. makes a speedy recovery. Thinking of you.

[jennsc85]

Nanotech- thank you so much! I'm doing ok, but feeling so stressed and anxious and upset.

It's funny, I have people in my life who love me and care about me (and my kids). They've been kind and helpful. But for some reason, it feels important for me to expect my mother to be the same. It doesn't hurt me anymore but I have this blinding optimism that she'll have a moment where she's a "real" mother, but nope. It never happens. I'll just have to focus on the people who do care.

[jennsc85]

Thank you SunnyMeadow, I appreciate the kind words so much.

It's bizarre that PD parents are like this. I know that sometimes we naturally want to one up or share our experiences but when people are telling me about something serious, I never feel compelled to tell them about myself (unless it's offering a similar experience to try to help!) It feels like my mother truly doesn't know the appropriate way to react because she is so focused on herself and it just comes out naturally for her.

[WomanInterrupted]

I hope your little one is doing well and YOU are holding up under the strain!   

Please remember self-care.  It's very important. 

UnBPD Didi was the same way - she always had to one-up to the point most friends had ghosted her long ago, customers stopped coming to the shop, I didn't tell her anything, and she wondered why nobody called or visited. 

Well, who the hell wants to hear about the woman who nearly died, died some more, was declared a "medical miracle" more times than I can remember, knew more than most of the doctors and thought she was better than everybody? 

Back in the 70's, she was actually escorted out  of the hospital room of a woman she'd worked with, and the woman had some kind of terminal cancer. 

Her husband wanted Didi OUT because she was upsetting "Mary."

Of COURSE, Ray wanted to fight him for upsetting Didi - "Mary" upsetting Didi was somehow a bigger deal than Didi making a woman who literally had months or week left upset!   

My best advice, since your mom really can't offer anything useful, is to block her again until YOU are ready  to deal  with her - could be a day, a week, whatever.  You don't need any excuses, but you've got MANY!   

Please use them to your advantage - you are exhausted with a sick kiddo!   It kind of takes up all your time and you've got better things to do than listen to how she survived ebola, after surviving an ordeal that rivaled The Black Knight from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", AND being sliced in two with a bread knife while singing "Glory Hallelujah."

I miss Monty Python... 

Anyhoodle - if you block her, you'll thank yourself and you can just tell  her you were busy  with kiddo's care and everything is fine now  - with NO more information.

If she becomes a pest again, you might consider blocking her for a cool-down period, so she can focus on something else.