dieting during pregnancy - and other lies my mother tells

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desertpine

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dieting during pregnancy - and other lies my mother tells
« on: September 05, 2020, 06:36:33 PM »
I've been uncovering some lies that my uNPD/uOCPD mother has maintained for decades. And I'm wondering if there are others here with similar experiences?
She severely dieted during her pregnancy and says her doctor made her do it, so that she wouldn't gain too much weight. Thing is, she was pregnant with twins and the lack of adequate nutrition contributed to complications. But she denies it - insists she was following doctor's orders and no one questioned doctors back then. (she was a good, obedient patient) And that her eating was not related to our being born small or too early.  Or to her extreme weakness after we were born. And she gets defensive when I bring it up - saying she didn't know better back then so I can't blame her.
Anyone else here have a story about a mother who seemed to have an eating disorder during pregnancy? (btw - eating disorders run in the family)
Also strange - She changed my sister's date of birth on the certificate. She was born one day and I was born the next. But my mom didn't like that - so she asked that they change it so we'd have the same birthday.  We didn't know until high school. She said she did it to protect us - but from what?  From people not believing we were twins or being confused that we had different birthdays? Again, it doesn't make sense to me anymore.
I'm beginning to wonder how many other things were little white lies or acts of deception veiled as being a protective parent.
I've never met anyone else who had a mother that had an undiagnosed eating disorder during pregnancy. Or one who had their child's birth certificate changed in order to have a certain birthdate.


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SparkStillLit

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Re: dieting during pregnancy - and other lies my mother tells
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2020, 01:38:11 PM »
Well, kind of, but it was stuff about me that my mom told to.....well, WHO KNOWS who all.
It came out when my mom and my aunt and friends were at the lake, and my aunt called me. It was about birth of my second child, and my aunt was correct while my mom was laughing, deriding, and vehemently declaring she was at the hospital (way later, boy was a surprise arrival too early), and just really ragging my aunt.
So my aunt called me and put me on speaker. "Did you have a c section?"
"No I most certainly did not, boy was vag delivery."
"But you had an epidural."
"HELL NO!!!"
Then crazily, my mom pipes up in the background that I had a c section and I don't remember because I was too drugged up. I start laughing, ask where are my scars then, and repeat that it was vag delivery, I had no epidural, and the big excitement was not a c section but prematurity.
Then my aunt asks was I induced. I said, did you not hear me? He was premature, nobody gets an induction at 34 weeks. Again my mom pipes up with all this about scheduled induction. I am irritated at this point and tell her I was on complete bed rest and labor STOPPING drugs, but labor started on its own anyway.
She had this whole crazy scenario concocted, I think to mirror something similar with my step sister. (She's always in mad competition with that family). My aunt had the right of it all along.

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nanotech

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Re: dieting during pregnancy - and other lies my mother tells
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2020, 09:59:47 PM »
My mum rang the job centre and got me a job while I was in the hospital recovering from a miscarriage. She thought it would be;
‘The best thing for me.’
A few years later, when I mentioned how fast I was back in work, days after losing a child ( I had complications and had needed transfusions) , She said,
 ‘ Well you kept crying , so it was good;  something to take your mind off.’

Something to take my mind off losing my child.
My mum didn’t know how to support me. 

I was living with her at the time, me and my husband.
She had talked me into moving house and moving back up north because ‘.....you will need me when the baby is born.’
Moving isn’t advisable during pregnancy. I hope it wasn’t the reason I miscarried. They couldn’t find a reason, except to say that it is more common in the first pregnancy.
It was as if mum couldn’t look at me. As if I had let her down. She never really got that I just needed to cry and cry.
I got pregnant again quite soon.
I knew straightaway and I left my job. I wanted to, but also I had to really. I had the really severe form of morning sickness. Mum didn’t want me to leave my job. She was worried about ‘ how it looked.’ I was throwing up all the time and suffering from anxiety about losing this one too. I couldn't care less if I’d upset my new boss.
Mum then insisted that it was the same baby coming again! I told her, no, this is a different child. She didn’t  change her mind on that.
She did look after me while I was pregnant. That pregnancy was fine.
But it was still something I was seen to fail at. The silences and the general weirdness following that miscarriage made me feel I’d let the whole family down.
 I thought maybe the miscarriage was a punishment because I hadn’t got married in church! Mum had been against us marrying in a register office. We couldn’t marry in church because of religious reasons. Mum was horrible about it, telling me she ‘just knew’ it was what I wanted. I really wasn’t that bothered!

I just don’t know why I felt I had to go live with mum in the first place. Me and hubs both had good  jobs and a nice flat. We would have been fine for a couple of years. Then we could have bought our own place.
Mum convinced me that I couldn’t cope with motherhood on my own.
I love mum, but my first baby had colic and didn’t sleep well for four months. I was so sleep deprived I couldn’t see straight. Not once did mum offer to take over for a few hours( one hour would have been amazing) either day or night.
The health visitor would arrive, and tell me how lucky I was to be living with mum and to ‘ have help.’  I was too loyal to mum to say anything.i felt if I spoke I might start crying. It wasn’t allowed.
I also worried that if I confided in her,she might approach mum, all good intentions, thinking she could ‘nudge’ her into helping a bit more. That would have caused world war three.
Mum was always conspicuous by her absence when the midwife or health visitor came. Now I’m that age,I see I would have sat with my daughter to talk with her about the baby, especially for her firstborn.  ( unless daughter didn’t want that of course).
Actually, just remembered, I HAVE  talked to the visiting midwife with my daughter when she had her first babe.
As a granny myself I’ve been a lot more hands on, and I’ve loved it.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2020, 10:49:26 PM by nanotech »

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Thru the Rain

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Re: dieting during pregnancy - and other lies my mother tells
« Reply #3 on: September 07, 2020, 01:20:56 AM »
Yes my M told me she dieted during her pregnancy with me. She followed the TOPS plan (Take Off Pounds Sensibly). I was born in the 1960s, but apparently the TOPS organization is still around today.

VERY lucky for me, the TOPS plan is about eating healthy food. My M is a dyed in the wool junk food addict, so eating actual vegetables and lean meat during her pregnancy with me might have been one of the best things that ever happened to me.

And no she didn't set out to make sure she had a healthy pregnancy. She says she was trying to lose weight. Thank God she didn't stumble across one of the crazy eating plans she discovered later in life!