Now for the next storm

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Now for the next storm
« on: September 06, 2020, 05:37:02 AM »
We've been working with interim orders for nearly 12 months and it's time to have them finalised.

I've sent a letter via my solicitor suggesting a few tweaks. Nothing major.

But I've also requested a sentence to be added to the notifications at the end of the orders that says I will facilitate contact between uNPD exH's parents and ds13.

I've done this as uNPD exH has cut them off so doesn't let ds visit them unless it's with his uNPD wife.

Those visits are extremely uncomfortable for ds and his grandparents.

Ds has stated to me that he wants to visit them but not without his dad's "permission".

So, I'm hoping uNPD exH will agree to putting something attached to the orders to that effect, so that ds can take that as his dad's "permission".

He's not likely to agree but at least I will have tried.

I'm fully aware that I have the right to take ds to see his grandparents during his time with me. But he needs to be comfortable.

Another thing I've requested in the letter is that the uNPD smother will cease from contacting ds outside of court ordered times and will cease from disparaging me and my family in those texts.

Also, that she will not attend medical appointments with ds on her own and that they would both stick to the orders of informing me of any upcoming medical appointments and their results.

So, I'm expecting the full onslaught this week.

You know, demands for proof of what I've "accused" them of.  Claims that I'm doing the same. Demands to "discuss" it. Etc.

I did consider warning ds of some of what I've written and that his uNPD father and uNPD smother won't be happy. But I didn't want him to worry, or to give them the headsup of the letter via ds.

He's going to be getting an earful from them this week. And I'll be getting the emailsful.

Send some good vibes our way, won't you?

AOD

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mamato3

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Re: Now for the next storm
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2020, 08:28:34 PM »
Sending positive thoughts your way this week! I hope that your ex is more interested in keeping custody than fighting you on the things you have asked for.

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Boat Babe

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Re: Now for the next storm
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2020, 01:58:38 PM »
 :bighug: :bighug: :bighug:

We are here for you. Keep posting.
It gets better. It has to.

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Free2Bme

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Re: Now for the next storm
« Reply #3 on: September 11, 2020, 03:03:09 AM »
AOD ,

You are already 4 days into this by now, I'm hoping the backlash is less than you expected.  I applaud you for your courage and strength to petition for these things. 

I would be concerned about what your son hears from the other camp.  I would have a conversation with him and simply say that you are trying to make some changes that will make it better for him, grandparents, and you in the future, giving details only if DS specifically asks. 

Either way, I think DS will learn the truth and know you are his advocate.

Keep us posted, hang in there  :)


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Associate of Daniel

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Re: Now for the next storm
« Reply #4 on: September 11, 2020, 04:01:56 AM »
Thanks, everyone.

I'm just about to pick up my boy so I'll let you know how things go.

I received uNPD exH's response from the solicitor yesterday.

Thankfully (and surprisingly) I haven't received any emails from uNPD exH or his uNPD wife.

But I've been running on nervous energy all week. Struggled with sleep and very emotional.

Having my boy home with me for 2 nights will be a wonderful tonic.

AOD

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mamato3

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Re: Now for the next storm
« Reply #5 on: September 11, 2020, 05:20:03 PM »
Was the response from his lawyer positive?

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athene1399

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Re: Now for the next storm
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2020, 12:54:31 PM »
Sending good vibes your way, AoD!  :)

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Re: Now for the next storm
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2020, 06:10:59 AM »
Thank-you, everyone, for your responses.  I'm sorry I haven't updated until now.  I just haven't been in the right headspace.  I'm still not, really.  This stuff, even when it goes well, is exhausting.

So, surprisingly, but with hindsight unsurprisingly, I haven't received any emails from uNPD exH and his uNPD wife.

I don't know what conversations ds13 has been dragged into with them.

Anyway,  the response from the solicitor was to reject the grandparent clause and the change to christmas arrangements that I proposed.  But they did "acknowledge"  the medical appointments and timing and disparaging nature of uNPD smother's texts.

By "acknowledge"  I mean literally the one word response:  "acknowledged".

And really, what else could they do?  I know they will continue to do what they're doing.  No court can make them behave.

But all I really wanted (apart from uNPD smother to do the right thing) was to put them on notice by having it in writing from the solicitor.

Anyway, I'm not pushing to have the grandparent clause put in.

I've requested a clause that says if uNPD exH is unable or unwilling to take ds to appointments he made that he would give me 1st choice of attending.

I know that gives uNPD smother more opportunity to attend as he'll "withdraw" an hour before and I won't be able to get there.

But unfortunately, I think that to put a clause in the orders that excludes 3rd parties would require a time consuming and expensive court case to prove her "unfit", which no court will.

Anyway, I'm going in for round 2 on the Christmas arrangements as ds is adamant about what he wants.

The rest is almost set.

Ds and I had some big talks on the weekend about how to get what he wants for the Christmas arrangements.  Did he want to talk to his dad himself?  No- too much fear.  Did he want me to email his dad directly?  No - he doesn't want us "fighting" and his dad would likely say no.  So solicitor it was. Hopefully that will ease the way to an agreement.

The talks also brought up further discussion about the need for him to stand up for his wants/needs to his uNPD father and uNPD smother.  About choosing our battles and about not setting ourselves on fire to save other people.

That's about it, really.

I'm sure once the new orders are stamped that I'll receive the emails from uNPD smother demanding proof of her disparaging texts.  Maybe another request to do counselling with her.  :aaauuugh:

AOD


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Re: Now for the next storm
« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2020, 06:34:58 AM »
One thing in my "favour" is that uNPD exH likely doesn't want to have another "family report" done by the court psychologist.  So he may well agree to the change.

I don't want to go through the family report farce again either.  It was such a stressful... farce.

AOD