Constantly ill (he thinks!) - what do you expect me to do?

[p123]

Continuing on if no-one minds....

Literally every call or visit now I get "I've been ill" or "I've called the doctor". Its getting crazy. There is very little wrong with him.

I phoned him last night, as per usual "I've been ill" Jeez ........

Its never ending. There is NOTHING wrong with him. I'm pretty sure if he can get me to believe hes SO ill I'lll visit or call him more. Nope opposite I'm afraid!

[Lilyloo]

Oh how I can relate. They never stop. It for attention and pity which I am all out of. I am sorry you are going thru it.  They do it so we will rush to their side. Nope not me either!!

My mother is so mean. I get nasty emails. She lies about her health. If I question she says "are you calling me a lIar"  then nasty emails. Nobody can be ill but her!!

I'm sure it's the same for you.  I get a headache from the drama

Best wishes. and

[p123]

Oh how I can relate. They never stop. It for attention and pity which I am all out of. I am sorry you are going thru it.  They do it so we will rush to their side. Nope not me either!!

My mother is so mean. I get nasty emails. She lies about her health. If I question she says "are you calling me a lIar"  then nasty emails. Nobody can be ill but her!!

I'm sure it's the same for you.  I get a headache from the drama

Best wishes. and

Every phone call wears me out. I wonder what its going to be today....
He had hayfever- honestly never seen do much drama in my life!

I'd say last few weeks hes called the doctor out (or tried to) twice a week....

[nanotech]

They save it up for us. Case in point, I rang my dad. He answered after two rings( he usually lets it go to message then decides on a time to suit him to return the call, usually when I've settled for the evening in front of the TV.)
Answered after two rings with a jaunty voice! He sounded ten years younger! I told him how well he sounded.

'I sound well do I?'  He retorted slightly sarkily , As if to say, ' Don't presume you know how I feel! I'll be the judge of that!"

Then it transpired- the reason why I didn't get the hours -to -day long wait for the call back,  and then the waify voice- he thought I was going to be another family member, one who is much more valued.
It's a favourite grandson. ( not my son of course)
I've also caught him doing this when he was expecting my UNPDBrother to ring.Phone picked immediately followed by jaunty voice.  He's transparent.

He sounded upset that I'd caught him sounding so well! It's ridiculous!!
I think just medium chilling is the answer. Sometimes I tell dad about my own ailments. That makes him want to end the call!

[p123]

They save it up for us. Case in point, I rang my dad. He answered after two rings( he usually lets it go to message then decides on a time to suit him to return the call, usually when I've settled for the evening in front of the TV.)
Answered after two rings with a jaunty voice! He sounded ten years younger! I told him how well he sounded.

'I sound well do I?'  He retorted slightly sarkily , As if to say, ' Don't presume you know how I feel! I'll be the judge of that!"

Then it transpired- the reason why I didn't get the hours -to -day long wait for the call back,  and then the waify voice- he thought I was going to be another family member, one who is much more valued.
It's a favourite grandson. ( not my son of course)
I've also caught him doing this when he was expecting my UNPDBrother to ring.Phone picked immediately followed by jaunty voice.  He's transparent.

He sounded upset that I'd caught him sounding so well! It's ridiculous!!
I think just medium chilling is the answer. Sometimes I tell dad about my own ailments. That makes him want to end the call!

Number of times I've had the ill/waify voice. Then I ask "whats wrong?". "My legs are bad today". Since when does it affect your voice?

In the past, I've visited, then he forgets to put on the "voice" after 5 mins. Its just so obvious....

[practical]

My standard reply became "I'm sorry to hear that. Have you made a doctor's appointment yet?" and if he already had "I'm happy you are taking care of it.". Usually there was a rant about how incompetent the doctors' were, which I would try to cut short by switching topics or getting off the phone.  F had a Merry-go-around of illnesses, they were not necessarily imagined, but their catastrophic nature was, how his was different and therefore special was, and the key point was, if given could advice, real help, he had excuses why that wouldn'twork for him. He was not interested in resolutions, he was interested in the drama. Once I understood that, I not only got of the stage, I left the audience, and kept my calls short and spaced them out further. He ultimately found somebody else to act in his drama, who would run around giving him the attention he was seeking and trying to fix his life, to make him happy. I still get tired just thinking of it, because I tried to do it for so long.

[Adrianna]

So much is familiar.

Another issue is, if he does actually have an issue, he will exaggerate the doctor's findings and you won't get the true story unless 1. you are at the appointment yourself and hear it with your own ears, 2. you speak to the doctor later or 3. you hear the story from someone else who took him to the appointment and was in the room.

My grandmothers dramatic versions of the doctor's appointments were not accurate. Took me a long time to figure that out. She's say the doctor told her she's in bad shape then I'd find out he said no such thing.

[WomanInterrupted]

What does he expect you to do?

Why, coo and coddle and, "Poor baby!" him until he's had his fill - and he'll never have his fill. 

He'll expect you to be there for every little ache and pain, and get on the phone to be his attack dog if he doesn't think his doctor is taking him seriously.

He'll expect 24/7 access to you to take him to the ER, be there when they admit him, buy him new clothes, coddle and fuss over him and act like an absolute monster to the nurses because (GAAAAAASP!) his  tea is 10 minutes late and it's too hot! 

He will expect 24/7 taxi and grocery service, too, and you'll get the (snerk) honor of listening to the same stories, over and over again, or the state of his poop, which is of endless fascination to him, so it must be to us, too.   

The *second*  you lay down to sleep, he'll probably start screaming like a banshee that he's in pain and needs this, that, the other, a betting card, the heat turned up or down 1 degree, whatever AND on top of all this, he'll tell you that you don't actually DO anything for him and your brother takes SUCH good care of him!   

What he expects you to do is strive for the impossible, never get it right, and take heaps of abuse with a smile.  I know because members of my FOO did the same thing - some walked away (HERETICS!  You don't love mom/dad/grandma/grandpa/great uncle Bart!) - and some put up with it AND got dog-piled on by other members of the FOO who were probably silently singing a chorus of, "Thank God That's Not ME!"

Yes, my FOO acted like unmitigated jerks about the whole thing and wondered why the Poor Put-Upon Relative wasn't doing MORE, cooking better meals, giving better care, using their own money for prescriptions, doctor bills and day-to-day-needs AND being an overall better caregiver, while being shamed from "afar."

Even when I was 5, I was thinking, "You all suck!" - and that included Didi and Ray until THEY were suddenly "IT" - and got out of it by Didi  having a very real medical emergency, which then made them complete and total FOO scapegoats.

So THAT'S what your father expects you to do - and more, with the bar always rising, the goalpost always moving and you never, ever getting a moment of peace because he thinks you "owe" him.

So what SHOULD you do?

"Should" is a subjective word and when somebody says it *about* you, my best advice is to smile and tell them to go drink a  cup of shut the fuck up. 

Bonus points if you say it in Welsh and baffle the hell out of them. 

What you SHOULD do is whatever you WANT to do and if  you want to drop the rope, that's what you DO. 

If you don't want to call - don't call.

If you don't want your father blowing up  your phone - block him.

If you want to use the shopping service near him, DO IT - if he refuses the groceries, you'll  find out when YOU *want* to call - be that a week, a couple of weeks, or a month - or never.

If you call and he starts griping, stick to, "Call your doctor.  I can't help you.  The groceries are coming on (date).  I'll talk to you later " - and HANG UP, no matter if he's still wailing, waifing, babbling, complaining or other. 

You CAN go NC  or VVVVVVVVVLC *if you want to.*

There is NOTHING to fear.  Your father is an old man - he can't hurt you and NO, he is NOT going to sit in his chair until somebody notices the mail and papers piling up or he dies first.

How do you think your brother knows to call?  I'm pretty sure he's not calling your  dad.

If your brother decides to drop the rope, too - your dad will find somebody else.  I don't know where they find these people, but they somehow manage to find them! 

So...allow yourself to drop the rope and give yourself all the time in the world, because what your father wants - and expects from you and YOU ALONE is impossible and *not your job or responsibility.* 

He's an adult  - he can see to himself.  If he can't or won't, it's time for him to go into a home.

[Sidney37]

As always, great advice WI.  My PDm's aunt was very much like your father.  She partially raised my PDm, so no surprise that my mom has similar issues.  The only other advice I got that kind of helped with this, was that I was told to insist that she had to say something positive at the beginning of each conversation, or I wasn't going to continue to talk to her. 

I was calling to talk to my grandmother, who my aunt lived with.  She answered the phone and knew that I wasn't really calling to talk to her.  My aunt LOVED the attention and supply that she got from me when I called.  I hated the constant complaining about everyone and everything.  I started telling her that she had to have one positive thing to say at the beginning of every conversation, or I wasn't going to talk to her.  If she started with the complaint, I'd remind her of my new rule.  If she started complaining again I'd immediately ask for my grandmother or say goodbye and hang up.  I'd try again the next time.

She started out furious, because she thought I was disrespectful.   I was 50+ years younger than she was and I wasn't supposed to talk to her this way!  I won't say it was a night and day improvement, but I trained her, so to speak, on how to at least have something to say other than constant complaints about her health and about everyone who wasn't doing enough for her.  And honestly, the positive things were things about the weather, food that she ate or a program that she watched on the TV.  In the end, it made the conversations bearable, and I was able to talk to her and my grandmother.  If she started out the conversation on something positive, sometimes we were able to have a conversation. 

I also did what WI recommends and referred her to her doctor about every health complaint.  I referred her to her pharmacist about those complaints.  She apparently did complain to them, a lot, because when I took them cookies at Christmas and told them I was Mrs. X's niece, they looked terrified, until they realized I was there with a peace offering of sorts.  Once they realized that we knew how awful she was, they were ever so slightly kinder to her. 

[lkdrymom]

My father would do that and I would say "Dad, I am not a doctor, I don't know what to tell you....call your doctor".

Every time your father mentions being ILL......suggested moving to a 'home'.  Make a game of it...see how many times you can mention assisted living in one conversation.

My father wanted someone (me) to rush to him and pat his hand and say "you poor thing".  He didn't want his problems actually solved....he just wanted everyone's undivided attention.  And had he given me some of his attention in the past...maybe I would have given him a little of the attention he so craved.

[nanotech]

I loveSidney37's  strategy of getting her aunt to say one positive thing before she would have a conversation.
In my life I've challenged my dad a couple of times ( 'dad that's all bad news, do you know anything cheerful to tell me?'
I think it's a brilliant idea to try with your dad.
After all, they understand conditions.They don't enjoy the power being flipped, but they IME come round.
It's what they've done to us all their lives.
They've been conditional.
I told my dad I wasn't going to discuss my
(UNPD) sibling's problems and her  shortcomings with him any more. It's triangulation. I told him that was between him and her only. This habit of his took a few months to go. The first time I refused to do it he tried to tell me that I had to, that it was my OBLIGATION.
He suddenly realised that I didn't ' have to ' at all.
In reality I shouldn't have had to feel responsible for my sister's behaviour, ever. (This  was a lovely FOG present my parents gave me. As a child I was guilted and shamed over things that she did, as if it were my fault for somehow not preventing them. Then I was expected to 'fix' everything).
Now, he never tries to gossip negatively about her with me.
He knows I won't engage, and that I will likely end the call. I hear him taking care not to do it. He still wants to,of course. They don't change, but they can be managed.
We do hold all the cards. They are elderly and need us more than we need them these days. This doesn't give them the right to bleed us dry and then some.
The more disempowered they feel, often the louder they will yell. 
Then there's a knock on effect. He tried to do the same toxic talk recently, but about one of my cousins. He said something extremely negative about her. I immediately said something positive. I showed I didn't approve and didn't agree, and he realised he was getting close to a line -cross.
So he ended up agreeing with my positive comment. 
Yes, it's disappointing that we have to play these strategies with grown adults, but we do.

[Andeza]

I like the suggestion to turn around every time he mentions being ill with the "You should move into a home if you need this much care," counter. "I'm so ILLLLLL" "Well Dad, if you need care around the clock, you should look into assisted living facilities. You'll also never run out of food!" Win-win. But, since it would eliminate his need to complain, he'll fight the idea furiously.

WI got it right, that's exactly what he wants. It's what my mom wanted too. Ugh.

[nanotech]

This

I like the suggestion to turn around every time he mentions being ill with the "You should move into a home if you need this much care," counter. "I'm so ILLLLLL" "Well Dad, if you need care around the clock, you should look into assisted living facilities. You'll also never run out of food!" Win-win. But, since it would eliminate his need to complain, he'll fight the idea furiously.

WI got it right, that's exactly what he wants. It's what my mom wanted too. Ugh.

It's the giving of a consequence. It's like when UNPDsister kept telling me she wanted to 'stop living'.
I used to ask 'how high?' when she told me to jump like that. It's gone on for years.
Then I came to understand, mainly though this forum, that there is something else going on when narcissists do this.
When they do this, you can give them a consequence. I said if she said that again to me I'd have no choice but to contact emergency services.
Their behaviour is not our responsibility. She'd then got very upset and told me that she didn't want to get sectioned! I stuck to my words. She never said that to me again.
Feigned Illnesses, exaggerated suicidal thoughts - they are a form of emotional abuse, emotional blackmail.
Throw the ball back in their court.  'Ah, so there's a problem dad. So how are you going to change/ solve that dad? '
I can think of a few solutions- rest home , GP, counselling, home delivery.... etc.
He doesn't wanna live with you, he knows he's messed  up any chance of that, having been so rude about your wife.  Plus I think he likes his own space. He wants every single thing his own way, what he wants when he wants. If you did that, you might as well install a fireman's pole in your home!
So what he requires is a kind of on call 24/7 butler service. From you. This is what he's after, I think.
I think also in the first place, he made an attempt to cause trouble in your marriage. He DID cause trouble. He'd like nothing more than live with you, if your wife and kids lived separately.
I think he's lucky you go see him at all.

[p123]

Quick post. Visited tonight. 30 minute conversation how he thinks he might have had a bad reaction to either

a) the antibiotics he'd taken for two weeks and this was the last day.
b) the new hayfever tablets the doc has given him.

All based around him now having to go the bathroom three times in one morning (and then he was fine) or two separate days now....
I shouldn't have bothered getting involved telling him it was probably nothing, and there was probably little the GP could deduce from such a mild, and random occurence like this.

Hes now saying hes not going to sleep tonight worrying about whether he needs to discuss this with the GP tomorrow or not! Kill me now......

[nanotech]

Quick post. Visited tonight. 30 minute conversation how he thinks he might have had a bad reaction to either

a) the antibiotics he'd taken for two weeks and this was the last day.
b) the new hayfever tablets the doc has given him.

All based around him now having to go the bathroom three times in one morning (and then he was fine) or two separate days now....
I shouldn't have bothered getting involved telling him it was probably nothing, and there was probably little the GP could deduce from such a mild, and random occurence like this.

Hes now saying hes not going to sleep tonight worrying about whether he needs to discuss this with the GP tomorrow or not! Kill me now......

My first reaction was a great big swear word but I can't post that!
My word! ( She said politely! ) lol 😆
The thing is, he's elderly. He's bound to get some days like this.
All medications have side effects. He's fussing and fussing, just like my dad does. I don't like to see it. I want my dad to be braver. I had MANY issues with my mum,(UBPD). She used to malinger sometimes for attention. But oh my goodness when she did get seriously ill, she was so brave. Plus she had to be brave for my dad too.
A few weeks ago when lockdown softened, I was panicking about the changes. I kept double/ checking hubby had  washed his hands after being out, and generally fussing. ( I do suffer from anxiety linked to safety issues- there was/is  a big focus on it in my FOO).  Hubby sat me down. He told me straight out, not to be so afraid of dying!  I was shocked. He said that I was doing my health much more damage through this worry, and that I should relax.
'We can only do our best and the rest is out of our control.'

I think this applies to your situation too. You've been to see him. You've listened and you've been kind and attentive. check!

You can't make him 45 years old again and in charge of you and your brother, and with wonderfully working intestines!
OMG. even being just over 60 ,things change!  I can't eat certain foods late at night. Food upsets my tummy more easily. I've adjusted what and when I eat. I also feel tired a bit more easily. I can't blitz the house in one day like I used  to. One room at a time these days!   I don't like these changes,  but I don't rail against them in unproductive ways. I accept them.
I go to the war with the army I've got.

Our elderly neighbour is very VERY disabled by age. He can hardly walk even with a frame. .
When he wants to wash the car or do some gardening, he does it - sitting on a garden chair. His wife helps him get settled, but then he gets properly stuck in. It's amazing to see.   He accepts his limitations, and I really admire how he works right up to his maximum ability. He's a hero to me. He cracks jokes too! He hasn't lost his zest for life.
He fights, using the army he's got. He's living his life to the full.

My dad?  Sigh-just the same as your dad about his poo habits. They never think that we might not want to hear the detail on this, do they? My dad goes into appalling detail on
This topic. I'd love to see his face if I turned the tables on him in this way. He'd be mortified! Yet it's fine for them. Surely it is a discussion for spouses or GPS only.
If there's the slightest variation in his poo or  his poo times, there's blind panic- it must be due to his new meds, or he could be seriously ill and needs a scan NOW so he can check his bowel is ok!!
If his throat condition ( Barrett's) is ever set off, then he rings me to moan a lot about it. Yet he won't entertain the idea of keeping a food diary. If I ask him what he ate/ drank the previous evening I begin to hear his voice rising, naysaying  even before I can finish my sentence. The condition is worsened by alcohol. He doesn't drink that much, ( I think?)  but I get shouted down when I say maybe it was the red wine.
So he doesn't do the self-care on his throat and tummy but wants a camera- down - throat every three months and a chauffeur service to and from the hospital, even though they lay on transport.
I just grey rock all of this now. I'm not ferrying him through city traffic for hours so that he can have a procedure which is not going to cure him. It will just give him three months reassurance that he hasn't got cancer.
That's more frequent testing that actual cancer victims get. 
His condition needs management, not constant examination. The chances of it becoming cancer is what fuels this. But the chances are really low. First the cells have to go pre cancerous and they haven't even done that.
The chances would be lower still if he gave up the wine. Or he could enjoy the wine, and not blame the inevitable flare ups on other things.
My job is to be a lighthouse, not a lifeboat.
( nod to guitarman)

Your dad saying  he will have no sleep over 'whether to ring GP' is a ploy to persuade you to ring for him. ( emotional abuse again).
He knows they've stopped taking him seriously. He thinks that they will believe him, if you do it. Don't give in to that of course or you'll get a similar request every few days. He's a grown adult. He's fine to either ring or not ring. Perfectly capable to make the decision and make the call. Not your stuff.

[WomanInterrupted]

Nanotech is exactly right - kick *everything* back to a Higher Power - doctor or pharmacist or whomever else is applicable - and LEAVE or end the call immediately. 

Calmly state  you can tell he's upset.  You'll come back or call later. 

If you can't leave before hearing how he's going to worry himself awake all night (yep - code for DO IT FOR ME, NOW!   ) - mention his anxiety getting the better of him and the next time you visit, you'll bring around brochures for a care home, where they can manage ALL his problems and see to his day-to-day-needs.   

That might shut him up for a while! 

Who knows?  Maybe you will eventually soften him up to the idea of a care home by your brother, right around the day hell freezes, thaws and refreezes. 

I had the same problem with unBPD DIDI - if I didn't drive her to see Ray in the hospital, she didn't know what to DO but drive off a bridge, said with a  hysteria-tinged voice.

I realized yeah, she'd been trying to get me to jump higher all my life - and dammit, it usually worked. 

But no more. 

I told her if she ever threatened suicide again, she could talk to the paramedics.  She said she didn't MEAN it.  I said she could explain that to  them - was I clear?

She didn't want to answer and I knew what she was doing - plotting revenge - but  *insisted * she answer if she understood and she roared, "YES, MOTHER!"    into the phone, like she did any time she heard something she didn't like.

I said a cheery good, and told her I had to go - she tried wheedling for a ride - no, no, no, no, no, not gonna say it again, no - then hung up.   

And yes, she bombarded me with calls for the next couple of days.  I mostly was able to ignore them because was pissed off and getting SO sick of the same old crap!

You've  done your duty - called and visited - you OWE it to yourself to BLOCK him until the next time YOU feel like calling.

If your father runs into trouble, he'll figure out a way to save himself - he is NOT alone, on an ice floe.  Even if his doctor won't take him seriously and the ambulance people don't take him seriously, he WILL find a way to the hospital if things are that bad or he's that desperate for attention.

He will!  They always find somebody to snooker, or a bunch of somebodies.

And there's always your brother - if he shows up at your  house, do NOT let him in and CALL THE POLICE!

Another thing you can do is start recording him with your phone.  If he's acting all agro on your front stoop, watch how quickly he stops and leaves once you and your trusty phone are recording it all.

Yes - you want records of that crap, so you can show them to the police and ask what to do next.

The law IS on your side.   

We're ALL on your side -and it seems to me the only person who isn't on your side is *you.*

P, that has to change.   It really is time to be a lighthouse and not a lifeboat.  Only YOU have the power to save yourself.

[p123]

Yeh I realised last night Dad not only wants someone to sort all his problems out FOR HIM, he wants it done his way and NOW.

Now I dont mind a little moaning (hey I'm the worlds worst!) but a long conversation about his mild stomach upset and how it could be this tablet or that tablet thats done it was a bit much. My wife (whos a nurse) says just point him back to the doctor and let them deal with it. But he still wants to know what I think.

Main reason for all of this is hes terrible at being ill. Really really bad. Hes got this idea that if you're ill, you go to the GP, they give you a tablet and thats sorted. He does not do the concept of "nothing you can do".
Of course, as you get older, you get all sorts of gripes. He cannot cope with it.

And he has anxiety. He worries about EVERYTHING. I think he needs help there - BUT his attitude to mental illness is "you're either in a padded cell, but everyone else needs to pull their socks up and get on with it".

As I've always said, I DREAD he ever gets a serious illness like cancer. Jeez - he drove me up the wall (and still is) about how his hayfever was "so bad I feel like I'm dying".
Sounds awful but I hope to just goes when his time is right and not have a long illness. It'd be awful for him.

I phone him and visit him now and its like a lottery. What health condition is he moaning about today? My wife and I laugh and joke about it.....

[lkdrymom]

My father was famous for his "Poop Reports". OMG...graphic!   I would yell "Why are you telling me this?????" and he would always respond "I thought you would want to know".  No matter how many times I made it crystal clear that I did not want to know.  And I thought his Cancer of the week  was bad.  It can and will get worse.


WI...my question for Didi.....if she could threaten to drive herself off a bridge...why couldn't she just drive to the hospital?

[WomanInterrupted]

I often wanted to tell her there was a nice highway overpass on the way home - knock yourself out.   

The fact is, she had a muscle car and not only couldn't reach the pedals, but couldn't see over the dash and she *refused* to get rid of it.  Nooooobody was taking her Trans Am away, dammit!

Well, then you're at the mercy of others, Didi.  There's no other way to put it - and we do NOT have to - or should - bend to your will.   Nobody is required to throw their shedule out the window because SHE WANTS. 

P123 - your father needs to realize the same thing, but probably never will.

He wants to know what you think?

Talk to your doctor.

But what do YOU think?

I think you need to talk to your doctor.

Why won't you tell me what you think!?

Because I'm not a doctor.

I did THAT song and dance with Didi, too - she could go on endlessly about her health and you're right - they give you a few pills, run a few tests, and you're FINE.  The concept of getting older and taking responsibility for your own decisions never occurred to her - or Ray - who really thought the doctor should be able to make him 40 or even 50 again, dammit!   

Ray started going on about the doctors all being young quacks who wanted his copays because he wasn't 50 again and somebody should be able to do something!

Didi was more weird about the whole thing - she thought *I* had the cures for cancer, Aids, old age, whatever you got because I know how to surf the internet, read arcane texts and have been a holistic animal practitioner (unlicensed) for over 30 years.

I only treat *our* pets - if you asked me for advice, I'd probably give it if I  could give you sound advice to *run by your own vet* but I would NOT treat a human - or whatever Didi was trying to pass herself off as - and I sure as hell couldn't make her immortal! 

But she had it in that tiny little brain of hers that I could and I would and I was being a horrible bitch in *holding out on her.* 

I'd like everybody here to take a moment.  Take a breath.  Think about how absolutely *insane* that sounds - but she was convinced of it!   

Or that's what she led me to believe - she expected me to not only treat her like a pampered princess at the ER and hospital, but chase those nasty doctors out of the room because they clearly didn't know what they were doing - only me and my Associate Degree could save her. 

She wanted me to listen to her gripe endlessly,  pay for and give her bottles of herbs, tinctures and other things that would sit on her kitchen floor, where they'd certainly do her the most good, whine some more, go to the hospital with her for Makeitupitis, be her attentive nurse/attack dog/illegal health person - and instead, I realized just how crazy it all was and started staying FAR away and kicking all problems to the doctor or pharmacist, including, "WHY won't you tell me what you think?"

I'm not a doctor or pharmacist.   

Keep repeating it.  Become BORING.  Dull.   About as interesting as a bucket of congealed wallpaper paste.  You have NO answers.  You can do nothing.  You are a grey rock.

Your dad will hate that - but that's exactly what you need AND to stay out of it if he decides to up the game.

My guess might be Poop Reports - Didi and Ray were BOTH big on those and I'd keep repeating, "You need to talk to your DOCTOR..." to Didi, but Ray, I'd stick my fingers in my ears and start singling, "LA LA LA LA LA..." while shaking my head.

The man was nearly stone deaf.  It made a better impact - if he started again, I just picked up my stuff and left without explanation.

So there's a couple of game plans for you, if he tries that.

Just be alert, be ahead of him - and be BORING.  You don't CARE if he was engulfed in flames last night, but got better.

Mmm...isn't that something?   You need to talk to your doctor.  I can't tell you what I think - I'm not a doctor.

[p123]

Yeh he just goes on and on and on.... Its just so boring. I dont phone him to listen to him moan for 20 minutes.
Thing is there is nothing wrong with him. The GP has told his this so many times....

Yesterdays scam and I sort of knew this was coming. Its his birthday Saturday.
Remember we had the "discussion" the other week how I can't do weekends? I've been going to see him midweek. Every week which is more than I used to. Hes moaned and moaned because, of course, he wants me to take him out in the car. My wife's new job, she works 6 weekends out of 8. I told him no Im not bring my 7 year old daughter any more because its boring for her

(If you remember hes not interested and these "rides in the car" have been all about him. Hes mentioned about 5 times "but you can bring her she can watch TV" - not once has he actually said he wants to see her - he doesn't he just wants me there)

So, I said no I'm not bringing her and no the odd weekends wife has off are not going to be spent taking him out.

I knew it was coming "but its my birthday saturday". If I thought he even cared then maybe but I KNOW this is another attempt to wrestle control. Hes playing a Trump card here he thinks.
So I've told him maybe friday evening instead of wednesday evening this week. "But friday isnt the weekend" and "I thought you'd come in the week and then come and see me on my birthday?" Jeez.
Can guarantee if I said to him, I'll take you out for meal Friday night, so he gets a short ride in the car too he'll refuse. Its not his idea and not 100% what he wants to do. He wants me there at his beck and call at x time, and for me to drive him around for an hour or two to the destination of his choice.

Thing is my wife IS working this weekend. And my daughter has stuff on and I have NO TIME this weekend at all. This is the truth. And this is not forgetting my teenager with Aspergers whos having a few things at the moment. Hes a good kid, but there are times when you do need to keep an eye. Bailing out for the day because Dad wants is not going to happen.

I am SO ANNOYED that this is ANOTHER game by him. He never gives up. Hes like the Terminator... Just sucks the damn life out of me! As every week passes, I resent him more and more to be honest.