Just wondering...

[Associate of Daniel]

Do any of the biological parents here get along with their child(ren)'s step parents?  Have a friendly relationship with them?

My ds13's smother is, I'm 99.99999% sure, uNPD. So it's unfathomable to me that a BM could have decent relationship with the smum.

AOD

[mamato3]

Do any of the biological parents here get along with their child(ren)'s step parents?  Have a friendly relationship with them?

My ds13's smother is, I'm 99.99999% sure, uNPD. So it's unfathomable to me that a BM could have decent relationship with the smum.

AOD

I did, until she became too damaged herself to be a friend to anyone.

[Dovetail]

I am the SM, and I had 3 - 4 years of being very close to BM (uBPD) when she was distracted with Husband#4 and his custody issues with his kids. She needed to prove they weren't the problem, so becoming friendly with me helped support that narrative. Now that our friendship is no longer needed for her, we're back on worse terms than ever.

During those few years it was pretty fun. She's incredibly fun person on the surface and plays fiercely loyal if she wants you to stay around. We'd go out drinking and spend hours talking/texting. As long as I played her game it was a lovely time/friendship.

[turtlemama]

Hi AOD,
You may remember my exuNPD's "significant" other wrote me expletive filled emails about getting out of their lives. I have very little contact with her, however whenever we have to meet she is always on time, responds to texts, and doesn't try to talk to me or come near me. I'd much rather meet her than my ex who needs to harass me every time we meet (which is still not very often because usual exchanges are done through school). She also will respond immediately to texts about my son, while it could be days for my ex.
With that being said, the environment at their house is chaos, she's still screaming and cursing at my son, and their now two children. I hired a new therapist for my son and had to tell her all this, she agreed it is traumatizing. So even though I realize the stepmom has to deal with my ex, she definitely has her own issues...

[athene1399]

I think it depends on the circumstances and the people involved. I am curious why you are asking.

[Associate of Daniel]

2 reasons really.

Mainly because my own experience makes it very difficult to believe that it's possible.

But also because in the BBC series of "Shetland" (there I go again) the father and step father seem to have a mutual respect for each other and for their roles around the step daughter.

I just can't see it happening in real life.

AOD

[athene1399]

I try to be optimistic, so I think in certain situations it could happen. However, I would think more often than not it isn't the norm where the step parent and bio parent are besties. In a perfect world, maybe.

As SM, I am amicable to BM. We talk in public. I talk to her like I would any stranger who approaches me. I am nice but don't overshare. Honestly I do not trust her. There can't be a relationship if there isn't trust. And I don't feel that I need a relationship with her nor do I want one. I can work with her if needed (like when we communicated to plan SD's grad party.), but I wouldn't go out of my way to talk to her. IMO she treats the two people I care about like crap, so I don't want that type of person in my life. And I don't want to be fake and pretend i like her more than I have to.

[Associate of Daniel]

I'm glad you're able to talk to BM in public, Athene.

Unfortunately that's impossible in my case.

UNPD smother is very agressive and no syllable of any of my words, no voice "tone", no blink or scratch on my part is safe with her.  And I know others feel the same way in her presence.

Good on you for finding a way for you both to be civil in each others' company.  All I can do is find ways to (literally) hide from her so that no interaction takes place.

AOD

[athene1399]

Honestly, BM likes me for some strange reason (or at least feels the need to appear to like me in public). I really don't understand it. I think SD said something to her years ago when BM threatened to call the cops on me. Ever since then she's been overly nice to me. I don't like it because I find it unsettling. But I'm weird lol

AoD I think it's good that you can read the situation. You know that you have to hide to avoid interaction. I'm sorry SM is like that. I would be so anxious dealing with that.

[Penny Lane]

I think there are lots of bioparents/stepparents with good relationships out there. I had friends growing up whose parents would celebrate Christmas with the kids + both new partners. I'm sure it was a little awkward for the adults at first, but everyone was gracious about it.

I don't think you're going to find any examples of truly good healthy relationships on a board about coparenting with PDs, though.

[Associate of Daniel]

That's a good point, Penny Lane.  Thank-you!

AOD