Advice needed - PD mother bombing me with conspiracy videos

[Honey_B]

My PD mother is sending me, almost daily, videos with political messages of extreme rightwing propaganda in either text messages or via facebook messenger. Usually racism against immigrants and colored people. She also sends videos with conspiracy theories, mostly about Covid-19 at the moment. Videos about how Bill Gates will inject us all with microchips in fake vaccines, steal our money and brains and all kinds of other nonsense.

My strategy so far has to been ignore it 100% and delete everything so I don't have to look at it. My feeling has been that I should not give her any attention because she loves drama. I have not commented at all and I was hoping that this grey rock-ish method would make her stop after a while when it didnt get her any attention. But it has not worked, she keeps sending this filth everyday and now I am wondering if I should tell her to stop.

No long explanation, just something like "Please stop sending me videos and keep messages to family specifics". But at the same time I am afraid it will trigger a shitstorm from her, which will giver her exactly all the drama and attention she craves.

However, it triggers me and pi***s me off that she is never confronted with her behavoir and that I still receive this shit everyday. I don't know what to do, any advice?? 

[GettingOOTF]

However, it triggers me and pi***s me off that she is never confronted with her behavoir and that I still receive this shit everyday. I don't know what to do, any advice?? 

This was a really big one for me. It still makes me angry but much less so.

I had to come to accept that they were never ever going to change. My family don’t see themselves the way I see them. They think they are 100% in the right in all things and the more I pushed back the harder they fought their case. If your mother genuinely believes these things there is nothing you can do to change her mind. People with these views tend to “evangelize”, I’m sure there’re some interesting studies on why floating around. I have a sibling who subscribes to these views. Not as extreme as it sounds like your case is, but she’s vocal enough.

You can try to ask her to stop sending this content. I find with people with these views that the more I tell them I’m not interested the more they try to convert me. I have long ago come to the realization that you can’t make people be decent so I don’t bother trying to “convert” anyone. Instead I simply remove these people from my life. I know that’s harder with family.

Part of me wonders if people with these views genuinely believe them or they are just trying to wind up other as any requests for them to stop are met with redoubled efforts on their part.

You essentially have to learn to ignore it if you wish to have a relationship with your mother.  I know that when my family realized something bothered me that’s the behavior they focused on so I suspect asking her to stop will simply make her send more.

[Honey_B]

I find with people with these views that the more I tell them I'm not interested the more they try to convert me

Yes You are absolutely right, she will take the rejection as an invitation to push even harder. She loves all attention, especially the negative.

Contact with my mother is already limited, I only see her a few times a year because of my 10 year old son who still adores his grandmother (although he is starting to catch on to her not so pleasent behavior). I never leave him alone with her!

OMG she just infuriates me! Have to think... ZEN...relax... "accept the things I can not change".. and all that jazz 

[Hepatica]

I am guessing that these kinds of theories and videos are huge narcissistic supply for people with empathy deficits. Like kids in candy stores.

I don't know what you can do but if it's affecting your peace of mind, that is the most important thing. I recently, finally deactivated FB bc i noticed that no matter how I finagled the settings, something inflammatory snuck through and there I was beginning my day feeling hopeless. I know that's relatively easier bc it's not directly telling a disordered mom to stop. I know these things do not go down well.

I don't know how you can do it without saying, hey mom, love you but I'm cleansing all political content from my life and no more videos please' I know it's a long shot. It's kind of like telling a disordered person you're on a diet and they say - oh a little piece of cake won't hurt you....  I know it probably won't work. But if she gets mad and stops contacting you for awhile, that can ultimately be the best thing for you!!

I'm being ruthless when it comes to this stuff. I've blocked all of my family members that subscribe to these things. I'm so tired of it. But I've been spared a mother who does it, because she's too old to understand technology. I am finally going No Contact with my elderly parents, which is hard, but it's been a long process of disengaging over a long time frame. It seems that their disorder wears away all sense of attachment over time and I am finally ready to let my them go.

[Starboard Song]

I'd ask her to please not forward anything to you. You can kindly explain that you use email only for personal communications and -- as you've explained -- not as a news source. Also let her know that any email that contains news links or is forwarded is automatically deleted by your mailbox rules, so you need her to understand you will not see any such emails.

After that, though, I think this weight falls on you. You must be disciplined and choose not to read things that make you unhappy. Based on the subject line alone, or the most cursory glance at the body of the message, you can hit delete.

This is the path of de-escalation. It is a path of radical acceptance. There are other options. Judge them all by the likely outcome in real life.

Be good. Be strong.

[Boat Babe]

She won't change.
I would totally ignore anything from her that isn't directly related to the family. You don't have to read that sh*t.
As to racism etc, then I would also utterly ignore. My mother has bonkers ideas, no idea that speaking them aloud, very aloud, in a London pub will get you filthy looks!  I am low contact with my mother and only engage verbally when she is being reasonable. I just look at her when she spouts bile and wait for her to stop. I congratulate myself whilst doing this for finally detaching myself emotionally from her crap.
What tools do you use effectively with her? Are there others in the Out of the FOG toolbox you might find useful?
All the best.

[Honey_B]

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I decided to block her on messenger and texts. Not sure how to handle it when she finds out. At least she is far away and I have peace now

[freedom77]

I think it's a PD thing, these videos and such. My BPD/N mother does the very same thing, and we are NC. If I look in my spam folder, which is where her abusive emails wind up, I could if I chose to, look at link after link of these types of videos.

She will also ad lib her own caption underneath, with something along the lines of "THE WORLD IS ENDING" (yes...in all caps). Or other discouraging commentary, such as "YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO MOVE AWAY...WATCH THIS" "EVERYONE IS GOING TO STARVE TO DEATH"

I think Hepatica is correct, it's some sort of weird doomsday supply for them. It can make you furious. I used to get so annoyed when I didn't totally understand PD behavior, or accept that this was what was going on, i.e., in the FOG. My mother would express such "sympathy" for world tragedies, but gaslight or poo-poo things that happened to me.

Starboard Song is correct. It falls on you whether or not you choose to read them. Because that's what you are doing. Making a choice. And he's right about self-discipline. And believe me, I know it's hard. I too struggle with this too.

[Honey_B]

She will also ad lib her own caption underneath, with something along the lines of "THE WORLD IS ENDING" (yes...in all caps). Or other discouraging commentary, such as "YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO MOVE AWAY...WATCH THIS" "EVERYONE IS GOING TO STARVE TO DEATH"

My mother adds her own captions as well  :   READ THIS OR YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT GOES ON IN YOUR CHILDS BRAIN (some video where some idiot claims that childrens' brains will be taken over by 5G cellular network). This was the one that really triggered me. She frames her nonsense as concern for her granchild. I cant describe how furious it makes me...

I am also reminded how once she was responsible for me when I was a baby and a toddler. That is just tragic to think about, this crazy b***h was responsible for ME! She was supposed to protect me and prepare me for life!
I think this is what triggers me mostly about these videos, its a miracle I turned out (fairly) normal  She is so STUPID!

[Hepatica]

Goodness, do they ever need drama. The problem is they can never get enough and then they get so overwhelmed, they pass it on. It cannot be doing them any good either.

I used to be glued to the headlines but lately it's like I've reached the saturation point. I think I finally realized that watching and reading things I can't control, that is so scary and negative, is really unhealthy, and now my self-care is not engaging, like the headlines and social media themselves are a form of rampant NPD. I'm not trying to put my head in the sand, but I figure I will just deal with what I can deal with in my 10km radius.

Everything is very unsettling currently. There is no doubt about that, but sharing this stuff does seem a little PD. My uNPDsister used to scare me all the time when I was growing up. She got a kick out of it.

I am 2 weeks off Facebook now and feeling better.

[Andeza]

Guess there's one in every family. A cousin in my case. It's easier for me, I don't use social media at all. Mostly because it invites people to air all the nonsense that a few decades ago we would have just rolled our eyes at and moved on.

I'm glad you've blocked her, at least for now. You need some time to, at the very least, decompress. (It's okay to be upset. Most pwPDs teach us we're not allowed to be upset, especially with them, but it's fine.) And yes, it is ALL about the attention. That's what they want. Good attention, bad attention, doesn't matter. They just want it.

To your credit, you've turned out fairly normal, as you say. To your credit. Let that sink in, just kinda absorb it for a moment. You were raised by a disordered person and managed, against all odds, to turn out all right. Good job!

[Starboard Song]

 

[SparkStillLit]

Nmum does this on a somewhat lower level than you guys' mums. But it's fairly similar shizz, "pedos are stalking your child using their apps" and mutated mixed up weird shit she claims to have heard "on the news". Like, maybe it was once some plausibly cautionary tale but she's mushed it up into....
In fact, she will be coming up with something for Halloween...or, well, it's covid, so maybe not...but anyway, she really tries to wind me up about the stuff, and then flips her lid when "I won't take my childrens' safety seriously", and my mid-teen children are in the background holding their sides at what they call "boomer stuff".
I have enough drama and disorder in my life, I refuse to facebook. In my circle of friends I call it the devil pages. Nmum uses it exclusively to stalk family and glean every stitch of information she can, to spread whereever and use however. EFF NO. I've a VERY FEW other social media platforms, one of which DD discovered Nmum had just gotten on, so we QUICK blocked her before she even found us.
My mum is telling me about this nonsense, but I pretty much "in one ear" it. I refuse to get wound up, which she hates, and I refuse to take any action, which she also hates. She will ask me directly, too. "What are you doing about....[ ].....what steps are you taking to protect DS from...[ ] " (she didn't care about DD).
I just said nuts to all of it. I do not know of a way to get her to STOP telling me this stuff. That would be AMAZING.