Living with a narcisstic husband

[Caroline]

I have lived with my husband who I believes suffers from narcissim.  He is a very difficult person to live with and I am thinking of separating from him, as my children have now all left school.  One is no longer living at home and the other two are still living at home.  I am very concerned he will make my life very difficult if I try to leave and I am seeking advice regarding financial and emotional issues.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! You are not alone. Try to get as much information as possible as a first step. Check out the Personality disorders tab and the Toolbox tab. Start to make an exit plan. See you on the Chosen relationships or Separating and divorcing boards.

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

I have found the talks on YouTube by the author and counsellor Kris Godinez very helpful. She specialises in Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and how targets of abuse can cope better. Her YouTube channel is called "We Need to Talk with Kris Godinez".

Other YouTube channels I've found helpful are "Doctor Ramani" and "Surviving Narcissism".

I hope this helps you.

Keep calm. Keep strong. Keep posting.

[freedom77]

I had to leave an abuser before. First, discreetly speak with an attorney to review your rights, and if possible get your hands on the financials if you don't have access (since financial abuse is a thing too).

Keep your mouth shut. Don't tell your kids, your mom, or your best friends. PEOPLE TALK. And when they talk, word travels fast and it won't be long before it gets back to him.

Secretly make a plan, and have an emergency exit plan in place such as a quick retrieval pack with some clothes, money and important papers. Keep your passport, driver license, SS card (if you're American) in your possession at all times.

Maybe consider renting a safe deposit box in your name only to store important documents.

Abuse is abuse. Whether he hits you or not, abusers can, as you realize already, make leaving very difficult. They can make your life very difficult. My advice is to quietly plan your exit.

Don't be fooled into thinking you owe him anything, like say for example, an explanation. You might think you do because of the years, the kids, etc etc...well didn't he owe you a life free from abuse? And did he give you that?

Think of yourself. If your kids are adults or very close to being one, they must make their own decisions. Right now, you have to think and plan for yourself and your new journey.

It also wouldn't hurt to speak with a counselor or therapist who is experienced in spousal abuse.