Unhealthy friendship

[JollyJazz]

Hi All,

I've decided to get some distance from an unhealthy friendship.

This friend is nice sometimes but recently he told my BPD M where I lived (she showed up and burst into my room, now she's not talking to me after calling her out on this). 😢

He helped me move my things but also criticised me a lot, and took so long with everything that I ended up missing a night's sleep before one of my first days on the job. He has shouted at me before and made me cry, he's left shouting messages on my phone.

I feel embarrassed that I'm in this friendship.

I'm just feeling so lonely, stressed and vulnerable. I'm in a new city and job.

My chest feels tight and I feel tearful.

Any advice appreciated! ☺️

[notrightinthehead]

I am so sorry this has happened to you. The healing is a process and there will be set backs. Go back to basics - you need shelter, a safe place which you will have, you need enough sleep, healthy food, and some social interaction. You go to work, there will be opportunities to have short, non committal chats with other people for the time being. Try to figure out what you expect from a friendship, and measure your acquaintances against your expectations. Look inwards, what makes you content, happy, proud of yourself? Going to work gives your day a structure. Can you find enjoyment in what you do? Observe.  What other activities can you fit in your day that will give you pleasure? Do you enjoy cooking? Reading? Sports? Can you fit some of that into your day?

If that friend behaves in a way that you don't like, try to set boundaries. Hang up on him if you don't want to be shouted at. Make another plan for your next move. Do not give him your next address since he passed it on against your wishes.  Actions have consequences. Your choice what these consequences are.  You are in control of your own behaviour. Behave in a way that you take good care of yourself and are truly kind to yourself.

[JollyJazz]

Thanks notrightinthehead,

Yes I am getting into plenty of self care. I'm in a nice home environment now, and I'm working exercise into each day and plenty of other self care.

I struggle with guilt about getting some distance from this friend and I think of the nice times, but I need to remember the bad things too.

I've moved and not told him where I live.

I know this is for the best and I'm just recovering, thanks for your support 😊

[Angelacl]

That is great that you know when to get out of an unhealthy friendship !  Few people know when it's time and end up stuck in it for a long time..

[JollyJazz]

Hi Angelacl,
Thanks for that 😊 it's been hard but I'm feeling better about things now. I'm still feeling isolated, but I'm going to make a big effort to reach out for healthier friendships now.

Thanks for the suggestions everyone ☺️