Somewhere In between

[TSIR]

Hello, I'm new here, signposted by the Shout 85258 service.
I'm 56, single and have 3 adult children one of whom has always struggled with friendships, lying and not talking about what troubles her even as early as primary school.
I had a difficult relationship with my own mother whose preference for my brother was evident during her life and confirmed in a written statement in her will.
I always vowed I would raise my children differently, fairly, kindly and would nurture them. I thought I had.
My daughter has recently been diagnosed with BPD. I've been supporting her through overwhelming debt, job losses, relationship breakdowns, friendships lost and been met with lies, boundaries pushed and broken, disrespect for me, my property and a beloved pet, with anger and verbal abuse.
In her most vicious attempt to breach a boundary, she has told me that my bad parenting is responsible for her BPD and that she will forever be unhappy as a result.
I'm devastated, broken at failing my child. So I'm here to meet people who are sharing ideas for maintaining their lives whilst loving someone with BPD.

[Spring Butterfly]

Welcome and I'm sorry for what brings you here. We have a support sub forum for parents of PD and community that is here for you.

Top experts recognize multiple reasons so while your daughter may blame you that may or may not be the case. Whichever it is it sounds like she's seeking help which is huge if a PD reaches out for help. https://www.outofthefog.website/treatment/

It sounds like she's a bit in between blame and taking responsibility https://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/2015/10/30/blaming

For you wellbeing, coping with interaction and healing check the toolbox at the top of the forum.

What was your response when she blamed you?

[TSIR]

Thank you Spring Butterfly,
I agreed I'd treated each of them differently as they are each different, and that I'd always thought I'd been fair. She said I was invalidating her feelings and my comment was toxic. I apologised and said I'd keep trying my best. She then reiterated her request for something that I'd refused. I maintained the refusal.
I'll have a read of the toolbox. I hope I can work things out.

[Spring Butterfly]

Wow good it sounds like you can hold healthy and balanced boundaries!