happy pictures & memories

Started by Jolie40, November 05, 2020, 11:22:07 PM

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Jolie40

why is it when looking @ family pics of FOO, the pics of b'days & holidays portray a happy family

however, when one searches for memories, all that comes up are unhappy ones
is it because as SG, the bad memories blocked out any saving of good memories?

I have tried many times to find good memories of childhood in my brain, but they are missing
there are very few happy ones that I can recall

has this happened to anyone else?
be good to yourself

Hepatica

I have very few happy memories as well. I think about what Rebecca Solnit called "the inside out childhood." All of my happy memories come from outside my house, out playing with kids in the neighborhood or on family trips where we went with another family. My mother and father kept their masks on if other people were within sight.

When I look at old photos now, even then I couldn't hold it together. I have numerous photos of me crying or looking away and sad. I was always yelled at bc I couldn't put on a smile at will. My father got so mad at me for that. He's still mad at me for it.  :tongue2:
"There is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there's
still a sureness in you, where there's a seamlessness in you, and where
there is a confidence and tranquility." John O'Donohue

Danden

Me too.  I have very few happy memories.  Or even a time when I remember my mother did something nice for me.  I think it is possible those things happened, I just can't remember them if they did.  It may be that I was depressed when they happened so I can't remember them, cause my negative feelings took over any good feeling at the time.  Or maybe they didn't happen.  Having friends is an experience that brings fun into a kid's life.  I was alone a lot of the time, because having friends was a problem in my family.  It meant there would be an "intrusion" into our family.  Any friend I had was somehow "bad" and "wrong".  So I spent my high school years mostly alone.  Before that, I had friends in the neighborhood that I would play with, and my cousins when I would see them.  I am lucky to have a few good friends now, but it is not easy for me at all, as I generally have a degree of discomfort with people.  I always thought I was an introvert.  Now I see that if I had more emotional support when I was younger, I did have the potential to be more outgoing, and I might feel differently about friendships another people  today, and I might be a happier person today.

Sidney37

Inside out childhood - I like that.  I got involved in church activities even though I'm not religious just to get away from her.   My church took lots of out of town trips and those are many of my happy memories. 

My husband and I were just talking this morning about his happy memories surrounding the tv shows they watched as a family growing up.  He couldn't figure out what I was watching during the same years. I didn't recognize many shows that they watched and if I did, I didn't watch them. 

Well, he pulled up the old tv scheduled from when we were kids and we figured out that I was only allowed to watch what my PDm liked, not what the other kids were watching.

I was an only and enD worked late to avoid her.  The shows all other kids/teens were watching, she thought they were stupid. I wasn't allowed to watch them or I was shamed for wanting to and convinced  how utterly stupid they were.  I told kids the shows they watched were stupid.  No wonder I had a hard time fitting in.  She wouldn't watch the shows her mother watched because they were for old people (apparently my Inlaws watched some of them and they are the same age as my mother).

Cartoons?  We pulled up the Saturday list and the memories that brought back!   :stars:  I was allowed to watch about 1 hours of cartoons on a Saturday morning and she complained the whole time.  She felt enD and I should be doing chores all day on Saturday.  She would run the loud vacuum around me during the one hour because I was wasting time and work needed to be done!

No happy memories there.  We discovered that I didn't watch any tv in high school other than 2 shows she and I agreed on.  I left the house as often as possible and had happy memories of those times not at home.  Those 2 shows we agreed on...  she thought they were stupid until her 15 year younger new boss mocked her for not watching them or letting 16-year-old me watch them.  Sigh...

I need to make happy memories now!

SparkStillLit

#4
Thought provoking. I do have happy memories, but they are not precisely immediate family related. I have some with sib when we were young, and some alone, a lot with my horse, but the vast majority is with sib and cousins, at their house. We didn't live too far apart. My aunt allowed certain TV that was common at the time. We played outside QUITE a bit, made some hilarious home "movies", that kind of thing. Some stories are wild. None involve immediate family.
Even the best camping and lake ones were with cousins. Or dad. My mom quickly decided she hated boat camping with us and gave it up. My dad got us wetsuits and took us skiing all year.
This is not my stepdad, but my actual dad. I haven't been in contact with him for a very long time. That's a long story. I'm not certain if he is still alive.