Apologies, I’m posting rather a lot just now but i just sense that I’m heading for a crossroads soon where in order to no longer betray myself i may need to sacrifice relationships that do matter very much to me. Brief backstory: possibility of me being subtly groomed for a caregiving role for parent/s.
We’ve been in touch every day (with two exceptions) since my mother took ill nearly a month ago - she’s been out of hospital a couple of weeks and on the mend but needing to work on her mobility along with a couple of long term problems that genuinely cause her discomfort. My dad isn’t in the best of health but they are coping and COVID restrictions here make things simple at the moment with regard to decisions about myself and GC helping.
As time has gone on, I’ve been the one to contact them rather than the other way around for updates by phone (I’m okay-ish with doing this as they need supplies and i want to know they’re ok). I let one day slip a couple of weeks ago despite having a text update from him and me replying. He called in the evening (we don’t normally talk in the evening) and i could tell he was annoyed with me for not having called. At the time i thought “fair enough” as things were still in turmoil, although i didn’t guilt myself as I had good mental health reasons for not wanting to speak to them.
One day at the weekend i again didn’t phone them - they are getting along better and in a routine, plus there were things going on with OH which needed discussing and it was getting to early evening when i realised a message had just been left. It was my dad sounding incredibly waify (i feel so terribly describing him like that) saying she’d had a bad night the night before and that other pre-existing health issues were playing up. I called back approx 15 mins after the message was left, he answered literally singing copying his ringtone and full of the joys

I spoke to him, he was in a jokey mood, then spoke to my mother who also sounded extremely upbeat

AND, it’s probably worth mentioning that GC bro and his family had visited them that day too, so obviously there was a lot of scope for comparison and annoyance towards scapegoat me

GC and his wife had cleared up autumn leaves in mum and dad’s garden, and apparently it was “a shame” for GC after doing it as more leaves would fall

Two days ago i called mid morning (i pre-planned it to suit my day and know I’d done my duty), then yesterday i dropped in to see them and drop off some supplies. I kept it light, they were fine and in good spirits, albeit both tired. I asked if they’d spoken to GC bro and my dad crossed his arms (defensively??) and said that he was busy (following a carbon-copy of my dad’s career path) on day shift

(although admittedly he’s covering for a colleague too). Dad quickly changed the subject. I offered to do a couple of things to which they said no thanks, then i left on good terms (that does happen a lot giving me a false sense of security).
So today i plan to not text, not call, and not visit (just like GC - not judging, it’s normal to go without contacting parents for a few days, just not permitted for me to do likewise). I’ll see what happens, whether there are any waify voicemails today/tomorrow, any guilt trips, etc In a roundabout way, I’ll know that if they react negatively it’s probably a sign that I’ve behaved as any normal person would be expected to under the circumstances. Why does feeling in control of my own life need to feel pre-meditated and like a game?