another realization of how unimportant my life is to them.

[Lisa]

 Yesterday was the closing date on my new home in a new country, not a single word from my Mom or my siblings.

Today I received literally 15 pictures and 5 text messages from my Mom while she was out for a walk- documenting the weather.


So my life changing event again means nothing but her windy walk is worth 20 text messages.   

Now that I am getting further Out of the FOG I am noticing these things... I don't think I would have years ago.

[JollyJazz]

Sorry to hear that Lisa 😔
Congratulations on your new home!
Not acknowledging your achievements seems to be a common way for PDs to make others feel small. I have also experienced this.
Hope you have some good people around you to cheer you up and celebrate with! 😊🦋xx

[JollyJazz]

Hi Lisa, I posted an earlier thread about PD family totally ignoring achievements: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=86181.0 the replies were so insightful. It's very hurtful to have something as huge as a new home ignored!!! Congrats again and sending a hug!

[Hilltop]

Wow.  That's hurtful.  It's a big thing to buy a property let alone in another country, congratulations.

They like to downplay other people's success, or ignore it, to diminish the value.  Acknowledge that this is about her not you.

However moving away will be great for you to give yourself distance and help you heal.  There is a great post in the  "Going No Contact" thread on Family system of dysfunction (also on subject of distancing).  It talks about all the health problems that come with staying close to the dysfunction and the benefits of moving away.

Yes the PD's will ignore your achievements but make sure you don't.  Don't let their negativity ruin this for you, I mean they have a habit of doing that, they downplay the big moment for you so it sours it.  Celebrate and pat yourself on the back, acknowledge the success and don't let it dampen your spirits.  Its an amazing achievement and one to be proud of.  Enjoy the moment.

[athene1399]

I am excited for your new home, Lisa. Moving can be stressful and exciting .

I often notice that I thought things would be easier, better even, when I moved Out of the FOG and became healthier, but I notice so much of the unhealthy in my FOO and sometimes it really affects me negatively. In these moments I try to remind myself of my own strength and what I have learned. Also, sometimes I just grieve for the FOO I want but don't have. They will never be there to support me when needed. It unfortunate, but also their loss.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Congratulations, Lisa.  What a wonderful accomplishment!

As for the FOO, this is treatment I'm very familiar with from my FOO and PDex.  What I've found the times the facade has broken open is that they actually care a whole lot.  Too much.  They have little emotional regulation and so try to be too nonchalant or paper over their feelings by making a big deal of some other mundane thing and ignoring the obvious big deal.  They can't handle broaching it.

It's irritating and it makes it impossible to have an intimate relationship with these people.  But that's the reality of a PD family.  I stopped taking it personally once I realized it was about their PD and really had nothing to do with me.
s

[Lisa]

Thank you everyone for sharing excitement with me, that's so nice.
Jolly jazz and hilltop I checked out your links to other forums, thank you!

Today I received a text message from her demanding that I "make time" for her.  She's asking to see me again before I move, even though we already had our goodbye visit and I was clear about that at the end of the visit.  We leave in 2 weeks and have about 4 packing days left (because we both have full time jobs up to move date and being silly not taking time off).

I get so mad that she doesn't text or call to check in and see how I am feeling about the move, how the move is coming along or even just to send a message saying, "how exciting, it's the month you move"! ........Maybe recognize the closing date of my new house "congratulations, you're house closed today right?!" 
BUT she will text passive aggressive messages, demanding I do things for her, filled with words to illicit guilt and of course taking a victim stance.
And still begins it calling me her "dearest daughter" and  ends the message with capitals I LOVE YOU and about 20 xoxo's.