The holiday hoover!

[Call Me Cordelia]

My in-laws want to talk to DH and me. After I've been NC for two years, and they've been giving DH silent treatment since June, we get a request for a four-way call... four days before Christmas. 🤮🤮🤮🙄🙄🙄

It was a text to DH asking if we would "be willing" to have a conversation, nothing more. I have less than zero interest. DH wants to hear what they have to say in the hopes of having "more normal" conversations with them in the future, where he can share more freely what's going on in our lives and there isn't this big awkwardness. Well... good luck with that. I'm completely unsurprised but disgusted.

'This the season for a guilt trip falalalala...

My travel ban to PD-land is still firmly in place.

[Hilltop]

Is there any way to postpone it till after Christmas?  Is it simply they need info to pass on at Christmas to other family/friends?  Are they the types to try to ruin a good moment before it happens, such as having this phone call 4 days or less before Xmas and you are left feeling hurt right at Christmas?

Are you thinking of being present during the call?  I think I would like to be there to hear what they say more for DH so if he hears things like an apology that wasn't really an apology I could point things out.  Or maybe so that I could make sure they speak first and say what they want to say without just opening the conversation and then Dh blurting everything out. Or to point out any gaslighting etc.

What are you thinking?  Perhaps you and DH could sit down and discuss any key points prior to the phone call, it sounds like your DH wants to do this although just because you do doesn't mean you then need to keep a relationship going between yourself and your in-laws even if your DH wants to re-establish contact.

[Call Me Cordelia]

You make some good points. If I even listen to their voices I will be an emotional wreck for some time, most likely. So no way am I doing this to myself, especially right before Christmas. DH suggested telling them that after Christmas would be better for him. He never went NC or wished to. Things had been very strained because he had been not sharing a great deal about his life, that is anything to do with his wife and children. So there has been no communication, which I read as ST, at all since June, unless you count an odd probable FM around his father's birthday.

I suspect you are also right about them digging for info to share with other family members. That's been a pattern, and they will likely be aware of a very recent change in my husband's job. His career has always been extremely important to them and being out of the loop in this area is likely to be salt in the wound, if not the main trigger to them reaching out now.

DH knows all my opinions and reasons. I really don't want to babysit his interactions with his parents.

[Hilltop]

So they are most likely just trying to find out information about his job.  Yeah I would definitely put that off till after the New Year, enjoy Christmas etc without them putting a strain over it all.

I see now why you wouldn't want to be involved and if you are going to have to recover for any time after, it's not worth it and if you are NC then that is a part of that as well.

It's annoying that they even bring it up now though, they have kept quiet since June, they didn't think to be quiet until the new year which shows how selfish they are, they want information for themselves, there is no care in there at all.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Thank you for the validation, Hilltop. That's exactly how I see it. I did tell a close friend about this and her response was, "Well, maybe the holidays are making them realize what they're missing and they want to reconcile."