I Think I See A Way Out...

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treatedasworthless

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I Think I See A Way Out...
« on: December 21, 2020, 04:09:18 AM »
It is a flash of insight and maybe risky, but staying here will continue to slowly erode me painfully until there's nothing left.

I got the idea in my mind's eye that I can rent an extended AirBnb or something of that nature and just Uber to make the money... It really feels like a way out.

It started when I moved back in with my parents last year when leaving a horrible situation with an ex. The ex nearly killed me. My parents are barely better. My mother routinely threatens to kick me out. I have been physically chased and cornered. I have been also threatened with barely veiled verbal violence and continuous emotional abuse. Most recently she told me I don't want to see my stepfather get mad. I'm a 45 year old man. This is insanity. I can't believe I lived with any of this for so long.

I never would have shared this in the past because I actually was concerned about protecting the undiagnosed pd'd individuals more than I cared about me or my well being. It's sad. I am finally waking up.

I think I need some positive thoughts. Thank you for hearing me out.
« Last Edit: December 21, 2020, 04:14:24 AM by treatedasworthless »

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Thru the Rain

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Re: I Think I See A Way Out...
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2020, 05:28:03 AM »
I'm so sorry your going through this. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, and sometimes that starts with getting distance (physical and emotional) from the unkind and disrespecting people in our lives.

It sounds like you have a workable plan. I wouldn't share these plans with your parents or your ex, or anyone who may try to put obstacles in your path. Remember, you don't need their permission or approval or understanding to live your life.

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Starboard Song

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Re: I Think I See A Way Out...
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2020, 09:19:44 AM »
It takes courage to even type those few sentences, doesn't it?

So check that off the list: you have courage. And a plan.

These flashes of insight are how most of us got from stuck to unstuck. So listen to them, and work on them. You clearly needed to heal after a bad relationship, and then didn't get that chance. Whether it is AirBNB and Uber, or some other plan, something can work.

Be good. Be strong.
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward

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bloomie

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Re: I Think I See A Way Out...
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2020, 10:14:29 AM »
Hi there and welcome to the community. How difficult to be living in these circumstances. I am so thankful you are devising a plan for freedom and figuring out a living space that is all your own.

I am thankful you have found the forum and have reached out for support as you make your way forward. Sending you great strength in the coming days!

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Sneezy

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Re: I Think I See A Way Out...
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2020, 02:32:14 PM »
Moving away from your ex was a good first step.  Even though your situation is barely better now, it is a little better.  And you are smart to focus on the next step, which is getting from your barely better situation to something that is workable.  One step at a time and you will figure this out. 

We are living through strange times right now, which may complicate things for you, but may also offer some unique opportunities.  Finding a room or apartment to give you physical distance from your parents will be good.  Figuring out your financial independence will also be key.  Be gentle with yourself and just keep on taking those steps. 


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Adria

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Re: I Think I See A Way Out...
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2020, 03:06:33 PM »
You sound like a very strong person who is coming Out of the FOG.  It sounds like getting away from your ex was step number one.  Now, step number two is figuring out your finances and how to get away from your parents.  When you make your plans don't tell any of these people, or they will most surely try to thwart them.  Celebrate each step you take towards freedom. Keep looking forward to a more peaceful and happier future.  You will get there.  :applause: :applause: :applause:

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treatedasworthless

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Re: I Think I See A Way Out...
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2020, 05:27:26 PM »
Thank you all for your kind words and support. I appreciate it.

I do agree that I need to be quiet and not tell anyone plans. I intend to leave when they are gone.

I am no longer in contact with my ex. She has been blocked.

I know that people who have undiagnosed pds can escalate from verbal to physical. It happened with my diagnosed bpd ex. I never expected it. When they are in clarity and not dysregulating, they can be some of the most beautiful people. My ex founded a non profit organization that helps people. The problem is when the dysregulation starts.

I feel more hopeful that with support here I will succeed in my plans. I don't know why it took so long to get here!
« Last Edit: December 21, 2020, 05:29:00 PM by treatedasworthless »

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Fortuna

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Re: I Think I See A Way Out...
« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2020, 09:10:41 PM »
An air BnB, a shelter, a couch at a friends, a little room for rent... yay for a plan. Getting some distance will do wonders.
Any work you can get to help you transition to away, uber, delivery driver, take a look at your skills and see what extra work you could pick up.
You can do this!

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Stardust1982

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Re: I Think I See A Way Out...
« Reply #8 on: December 24, 2020, 03:30:00 PM »
Hi. I am very sorry for what's happening to you. I do get your situation, even though my PDs are of a milder nature (but still extremely mentally abusive and controlling).

I am also living with them until I get a job and will be able to rent again. My situation is that, I didn't have to move in with them I just choose to because I was hit by the idea that I missed them and they're better now that I worked so much on myself (as if me healing and loving myself would fix their insane behavior). I had to do a lot of self-care and self-forgiving for getting comfortable with the decision of moving back with mentally ill parents who can't show any empathy and respect to me. My strategy nowadays is to be out and about most days to limit contact with them. It works a lot but I still need complete separation from these people.

Sorry to make this about me. My advice is to make a plan for moving out. Getting any job will be useful to you. Or you can see if a friend is willing to help you financially to get an apartment until you find a job. Posting here on this community is really helpful so do come here and share your insights.
When I was in a dire situation (no place to live and on unemployment), I took a job as a live-in nurse. It wasn't the best but I was able to save some money to rent a place (without needing to spend on necessities). I also made lovely memories with that client that i will always cherish.
Maybe find something like that.

Also, look into healing the trauma bond. Dr. Ramani has a lot of useful content on her You tube channel.

Stardust
« Last Edit: December 24, 2020, 03:33:09 PM by Stardust1982 »