Blindsided by overwhelming emotions

[Stillirise]

I've been rolling along though my divorce from stbxUPDh for several months now. My anger, grief, etc., associated with processing the aftermath of the relationship has mostly subsided. I've done a ton of self-work, and most days, feel like I'm doing well mentally and emotionally, all things considered.

However, sometimes things just blindside me out of nowhere.  Yesterday, it was seeing an attentive father, with his two little children, walking in town.  Today, it was very kind words for me, from someone I hadn't seen or talked to in quite a long time.  They'd heard about the divorce, and felt the need to reach out.  I hadn't been aware, until now, of how this person felt I'd had a profound positive impact on their life.

Both of these episodes hit me hard, right in the feels.  I expect this is normal, but it is definitely out of character for me, to burst into tears at a touching family scene, which also produced a side of anger/guilt, knowing what my children have missed out on in a father.  Also, while I'm genuinely grateful for receiving a heartfelt compliment, and an extension of someone's support, it's a little embarrassing to melt into a puddle over it!

Hopefully this is yet another healing phase! I'm all for being in touch with my emotions, but maybe not quite this much, at least long-term!

[all4peace]

Stillirise, it sounds like you're going through a lot of processing and transformation right now. It makes a lot of sense to me that you'd be feeling a lot of feelings. I tend to view feeling our feelings as a really good thing, especially in the ways you're describing--crying, feeling big feelings, sharing with others. Seeing love and kindness in others can really bring up grief in our own selves, and I'm really glad to know you're sharing it here and giving yourself some space to feel it all. Let it roll on through. Take very good care of yourself.

[notrightinthehead]

I call them tears of happiness.  A burst of good feelings that make me cry.  A release.  I used to feel ashamed,  now I just say to the other person,  oh that is so touching,  these are tears of joy.

[Boat Babe]

I so get you. Seeing fatherly tenderness always touches me, always will.  And I am always pathetically grateful when someone is nice to me! Good ole childhood trauma!

[BeautifulCrazy]

I'm having that too Stillirise! Just completely blinsided!! Completely spun!!
I am seven months out from leaving my uOCPDh. The last month or two I have had some really REALLY intense emotional reactions. To memories. To mundane things. To conversations with family. To things seen or overheard.
- I saw a couple my age walk past my house, holding hands. Out of nowhere I was overcome! I was left sobbing on the sofa! What the heck?!?!
- I read a post on this forum that reminded me of something awful my H used to do. I spun out for nearly an entire day with rage and hot, hard, hurt.
- Through the backyard fence, I overheard my neighbor, just, so amazingly, keep his cool with his firebrand 6yo daughter. The grief and anger took hours, and a long, loud shower singing session to dispel. (Similar anger/ guilt to what you described)
- Out of the blue last weekend my mum told me how strong I was to leave, how gutsy she thought I was, and said I was a really wonderful mother. It was nice. I cried grateful, happy tears and felt seen and loved. At first. Later at home I felt like a total fraud who had somehow managed to deceive my sweet little mum. (I know that makes no sense whatsoever!!) I felt really quite depressed for a few days. (I'll be taking that to therapy next week)
- I made a hamburger and put my favorite (kinda quirky) toppings on and nobody criticized, made fun, made grimaces or put on a show to attract attention to themselves. I didn't have to hide my preferences. Or go without. I didn't have to defend them. I just topped my burger and the kids and I enjoyed our meal together. It felt very significant and very heavy even though it felt freeing and lighter somehow too. I had a whole messy mess of emotions, good, bad and bizarre over that silly thing.
Ah, the complexity of human emotion!! I would like to be juuuust a little tiny bit less volatile and weepy though....

[Stillirise]

Thanks everyone, for validating I'm not going crazy, nor am I alone!

Last night, I had a wonderful meet-up with a couple friends (we all work in healthcare, and fully vax'ed...it was so nice to have something feel almost normal.)  Not once did I feel like I was going to break down in front of them, and we dished about some serious  stuff!  I felt uplifted and empowered afterward.  It made me wonder if part of my strong reactions of late are also due to the seemingly endless social isolation that has come with COVID.

Thanks to all, and here's to better days ahead!

[Boat Babe]

The seemingly endless social isolation. Yep.

[1footouttadefog]

Social isolation can be hard on us all covid related or otherwise.