housemate - counting the days until I leave

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ShyTurtle

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housemate - counting the days until I leave
« on: January 04, 2021, 10:38:49 PM »
There's still a month to go until I can move out of here. 

It's interesting how past trauma in relationships really puts you on high alert when things in the present go wrong. Today I was driving and my brakes failed. My mind immediately went to when my pd ex husband poured oil all over my car engine to hopefully make me pass out while driving and crash. I was concerned that my housemate recruited a flying monkey to cut my brake line. A visit to the garage showed that it was just rust which likely caused my brakes to fail today.  Ok, at least she's not that cunning.

So I'm stuck here with no car until tomorrow afternoon at least.

And before all of this happened, I said good morning, and all she could say was thanks for running water while she was in the shower (at a very unusual time of day.) I didn't even think much of it. I think that I ran enough to hand wash a bowl and a spoon. Am I supposed to mentally self-flagellate over this? After being raised by a pd parent, this was once my default mode of coping with her behavior. But then I reel myself in and remind myself that in her very split mind, I am the spawn of Satan now, and there's no redemption from that. Kudos to me I guess for not cheekily saying "you're welcome"

On the bright side, she actually said a few words to me today. That's slightly less frosty than the last few days have been. And she didn't cut my brakes, so it's a good day. :)
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JollyJazz

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Re: housemate - counting the days until I leave
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2021, 07:19:23 AM »
Oh Shyturtle, how stressful... Sending you support!

How awful about the brakes

I hope you have as many ways to escape physically and mentally as possible. Whether it's watching a movie in your room or getting out of the house.

I realised how much energy being in a parallel situation took when I escaped -the same day that I went on holiday ( or vacation as you say in America! ). I am generally a very physically active, energetic person, but the first week I was just so tired, lethargic. I'm back to my usual self now, but an environment like that, having to put up a mental shield against everything. I'm sorry that you have to deal with all the little barbs, the silent treatment, the unpredictability, the general heavy air of discomfort. It is all extremely draining, it takes a lot of energy to be in that situation.

In my own situation I had to go through some kind of psycological recovery period after I escaped.

Just sending you a ton of support and a hug  :bighug: great work on getting yourself outta there... even though I know the wait to escape is not fun. You're doing well, doing great 

« Last Edit: January 05, 2021, 07:24:29 AM by JollyJazz »

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ShyTurtle

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Re: housemate - counting the days until I leave
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2021, 11:55:24 AM »
an environment like that, having to put up a mental shield against everything. I'm sorry that you have to deal with all the little barbs, the silent treatment, the unpredictability, the general heavy air of discomfort. It is all extremely draining, it takes a lot of energy to be in that situation.

In my own situation I had to go through some kind of psycological recovery period after I escaped.

Thanks SO MUCH for understanding! There definitely is something draining about keeping your shields up constantly...which I've pretty much had to do the entire time I've been here come to think of it.

I expect that my son and I both will have to go through a sort of detox after we get out of here. (I can't wait!)

I really appreciate your words of support!!
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JollyJazz

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Re: housemate - counting the days until I leave
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2021, 10:21:13 PM »
No probs at all... happy to help. I hope you can get some nice self-care in ☺️ I think you'll feel a huge weight off your shoulders when you are out and free!