I think he has paranoid personality disorder

[pandaberry]

I came across this website by chance whilst looking up about paranoid personality disorder. I met the man I was in a relationship with in January last year. We chatted and got on very easily. He made me laugh and seemed sweet, shy like me and we had similar life parallels. Then lockdown happened in March and we continued talking on the phone and video chatting. He came to see me in May and stayed for a bit, we bubbled up so to speak and he brought his cat. I fell on love with him, I thought I had been in love once before, but that was a whole other mess and based on a big lie. Anyway, he seemed as sweet as I thought and we got on. I have anxiety and I had got in a low distressed mood, I think I had covid in Feb before lockdown and my place was a big mess. He came, I told him the truth and he was accelting. He has asthma and another health problem. We  got to know each other, he helped me immensley and I love him. His asthma got bad, he brought inhalers but it turned out my creams and chapstick and vaseline when he kissed me was flaring up his asthma. He got some meds, then hayfever affected him for the first time he said. One night I woke up to him yelling had I "poured cream down his throat"! I was shocked and worried he would think this and he didn't believe me. He still stayed with me, he realised the cream on my body affected him. Others things came to light, he would get jumpy if I went in my kitchen whilst food was cooking, he would not let me cook him food etc. He decided to go home for a bit then asked me to visit him which I did. I then stayed, he was ok but said something he had once that don't do fraud in his name!! I had laughed it off before. He would be cold, accusing, gave me silent treatment when he felt ill. He smokes and coughs. Fastfoward to now, I spent a lockdown last year with him and came for holiday time and another lockdown. He has yelled accusing me of being "paid to be here to spy on him", that I have poured stuff ahain in him or spiked his food and now he is poorly. He saw the filter dots in his cigarettes, I tried telling him what they are, but he thinks I injected them. He then got a new pack and he opened it straight away and saw the filter dots. No apology for accusing me and causing me to cry yet again. Also my crying is "causing a scene" in the house! I have crief and been upset and worried for months now and accused of so many untrue accusations. He worries me, his throat feels lumpy, he spat up blood and phlegm.
He asked me to ho home, then was fine and now today he is unwell, his throat really hurts and he accused me of "putting Brillo pads down his throat". He sleeps in the upstairs spare room and locks the door, but fell asleep in the bedroom I am in and woke up with his throat bad so I was accused of hurting him. He told me he thinks others put metal pellets in his takeaway food, that they killed his mum who was diabetic in her 70s and had a heart attack miles away from their home as they went to stay with his sister. He said his doctor told him before it was all in his mind. He also smokes weed for his other illness that causes him lots of pain and prescribed meds he got reliant on and he hates them. He fits the things lisyed for Paranoid Personality disorder, he is fearful people will do things with his information, he can be cold, sarcastic, hostile and silent, he is suspicious of everyone even friends he has known since school and he thinks people are making him ill. We have now ended it and I am going home no staying this time. My anxiey is on edge and I have cried, when he is ok he is loving and kind, but he thinks I have hurt him and I never have or would. He one minute will ho to the doctor, but the next says I want him in hospital snd he will only seek medical help when I leave. He is distressed and crying. It breaks my heart. He has no family here, he is religious and said God is punishing him for being with me whilst we are unwed. We did get engaged and I wanted to marry him, but he thinks I hurt him. He is very paranoid and his physical health is bad with his throat and he says things hurt around his neck, torso and chest. He thinks I want him ill and been accused of being evil, heartless, unloving etc as he clutches his throat and says it hurts like razor blades and his tummy hurts. I want him to get help, he realises to an extent he is paranoid about things, but says people are trying to say he is dumb including his doctor and now me and he "knows people have made me ill". It breaks my heart seeing him like this, but he wants me to leave so I am and hope he gets some medical help. His paranoia seems to be worse as his throat and pain have become bad. He won't even see the fact he has asthma and he smokes as the real causes plus his other health issue and smoking weed covers in goodness knows what!

[pandaberry]

I apologise for the many typos in my first post above, but I worried about him, was poorly last night and my anxiety is bad.

[1footouttadefog]

I am afraid your friend is mentally ill amd needs medical attention badly.

I would be afraid to be involved in trying to diagnose him.  If he resigns to his issues being a personality disorder he may miss out on seeking treatment for what may be a treatable diagnosis.

Quite often medications, substances, and mental illness can combine to bring about a horrendous circumstance.  Despite the fact many feel that marrijuana is mild and helpful, in some people it can bring about psychosis.  Other people have brain chemistry that makes them in the verge if a fight over anything, and a simple blood oressure medication can greatly alleviate that state for them.

I encourage to to distance yourself from potential danger while this man is so unstable and to suport him from a distance by encouraging him to seek the help he needs while being his freind if it remains safe to do so. 

Its hard to see someone you care about suffer.  Take care of your self also.

[pandaberry]

Thank you for your reply. He cannot see he needs help, he admits he knows has mental health problems, but he accuses me of harming him. He has just accused me again, shouting and swearing I caused his bad throat and pains in his body. Never mind the fact he has asthma, smokes cigs and weed and has another health problem which causes some pain across his torso. It is unbearable now and distancing myself is the only way. I stupidly stayed again, he went sweet and loving, but he has said horroble things to me that I have no compassion, that I am secretly laughing seeing him in pain, that I cause problems for everybody in my life and will "harm other people" I meet. He needs help, he has some sort of paranoid disorder and I think it is paranoid personality, but I'm not sure. All I know is he needs help, I have never harmed him and cannot stay to be verbally abused by him.

[Janeite V]

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's difficult to watch someone suffer in the way he clearly is, but I am glad you are keeping your distance now for your own safety. I hope you do not take what he said about your intentions to heart. You sound like a very kind person and I hope you protect yourself emotionally and physically.

In my experience, people with paranoid delusions are often very frightened of doctors and others in authority, in addition to individuals. That makes it extremely difficult for them to get help, even when they recognise they are mentally ill on some level. To them the delusions feel very real and often the more you try to convince them that they are not, the more suspicious they will become of you (or they'll just hide it from you because they know you think they are "crazy").

Often the only way they will get help is if they can be convinced to come in for another issue that they do recognise and seek help for. The ethics there can be very murky because it can be quite deceptive towards the patient with delusions.

I strongly agree with 1footouttadefog that weed can be very harmful and induce paranoia and psychosis in those who are susceptible.