Always Above the Rules

[D.]

Suggestions for what to say when people think "they" shouldn't have to follow work rules?  I have a job where nearly daily I have to address people "breaking" company policy and I politely ask them to follow some type of rule.  I've noticed that healthy people basically say oops, sorry and abide by the rules.  However, there are a handful (imo PD characteristics) who get angry, refuse, etc.  I can take it to the next level of accountability if needed but prefer to resolve things peacefully.  I'm trying not to give too much identifying info. about the job, but could answer questions if needed for clarification here 

What are some ideas here for things to say to help w/this boundary setting?  Also, ideas on how I can internally avoid feeling triggered by these people?

[Boat Babe]

Good question. I think can answer the second part of your question. It's really helpful to name PD behaviours. For example, when someone is wildly inappropriate at work, you notice and name what's going on. Betty is trying to gaslight me here. Steve is projecting his negative feelings on to me big-time. Harry is in an apoplectic narcissist injury rage because I called him out.  This works a treat as your drama armour (I might use that again).  Then, the behaviours don't push your buttons nearly so much and you can go straight into managing the situation, using the tools. I reckon you could write a few scripts (predictability is one aspect of PDs that we can use to protect ourselves) then role play them.
Good luck.

[D.]

Boat Babe,

This was very helpful.  Thank you.  I used it some for the narcissist rage and gaslighting.  I am going to study the characteristics better to understand.  But from what you say I am basically categorizing the lies to gaslighting and inappropriate anger to narcissist rage.  I am sure there are other examples but I am definitely going to work on developing my drama armor.  Great term!

D.

[Boat Babe]

Let us know how it goes and what works. ,😃

[D.]

Here is an example:
This was not a co-worker, but my uePD?m sent a very short text in response to me.  I felt triggered and upon reflecting on our limited recent pleasant contacts, reviewing the site here, and reflecting on comments from my T I realized my trigger was her "objectification".  I cannot go into detail at the moment, but your advice to name the behavior really helped.  Objectification is confusing since it's always "nice"...I am going to explore this more.

[Andeza]

My previous job included safety training all incoming truckers that would operate in the facility. Most were pretty good about the rules, sign off on the paperwork, carry on and cause no trouble. But there were always exceptions. I learned how to handle the exceptions, and I'll tell you what worked for me, and you can use it or not, totally up to you.

I would tell them what would happen. If they were flippant, or if they violated a safety rule, I would look them flat in the eye and tell them if they did it again, they wouldn't be allowed back on site. Yeah... I had to play the bad guy a bit. But these were, without exaggerating in the least, life and death situations. When you've got some guy not listening to a word coming out of your mouth that's about to go play with 50,000 pounds of material in a rig that runs up to 80,000 pounds fully loaded, it's not okay. Let's throw in 30ton loaders and 100ton+ haul trucks for good measure. And they want to run around without their hardhats on... double

If you have someone flagrantly defying company policy, in your shoes I would inform them, kindly and without any surface emotion, if that action continues I will pursue it up the chain as necessary. But that's me. I'm not scared of conflict, and in the work environment, at the end of the day, the only person who's opinion mattered to me was the one who did my annual review. And that person was BIG on safety culture. They always had my back.

Of course, you know your job best, so you'll be able to determine the best, most appropriate, course of action in your case.

[D.]

Andeza,

Great point about accountability and safety.  Those are important things to keep in mind.  From my perspective some of the "rules" are not necessarily great, but it doesn't matter still need to abide by them.  I manage real estate properties so things like type of yard permitted, color of a home, where to park, that kind of thing.  But sometimes it is safety related and everyone signs on to abide by the rules anyway.  I noticed non-PD characterstic people simply abide whether they agree or not.

[Andeza]

That's the great thing about nons, lol. We may not agree, but if we're putting our name to it, we'll abide by it. Haha!

Not so with pwPDs though... Do remember that for them, making a scene = supply. ALL attention, regardless of whether it is good or bad, is desired. And in the end, there may be no way to avoid ruffling PD feathers. They are so easily ruffled after all. Oof. Heck, they look for ways to be ruffled.

[Oscen]

This is great advice about the "drama armour".

I'm having a similar issue about rule breaking and saying no, although it's not a rule but a reasonable expectation.

How do you deal with saying no when your supervisor/etc doesn't have your back?

I'm willing to walk if I can't resolve it, but I'd like to manage the conversation I have with my supervisor well, feeling confident that if I'm quitting, it's the right thing do.