Spiritual Breakthrough About Limiting Contact

[D.]

I had a breakthrough with regards to coping with my uPD father a few weeks ago.  I had been struggling with a couple of spiritual values and how they relate to my relationship with my father.  I mostly felt ok about not initiating and severely limiting contact.  But there was this nagging thought inside my head asking how this aligns with my spiritual and religious values.  And a disquiet in my heart.

There are the teachings to not harm others and to honor our father.  I wondered if cutting myself from father when he wants to see me is a version of harming?  And does not being interested in having contact with him mean dishonoring him?

Then a friend of the pointed me in the direction of the teachings I was seeking.  I read through them and I felt completely validated in my decision.

The teaching I discovered was that having contact with those who are ungodly and wayward damages our soul.  The gravity of that truth really hit me.  I am responsible before God to take care of my soul which is a reflection of Him.  It is my true reality.  I cannot do something that damages my soul.  I won't.  I believe that I need to know and love God by caring for my soul and that supercedes other teachings. 

And my father did not often behave as a father should according to religious teachings anyway, so his role is ambiguous at best.

I also believe part of our responsibility in this life is to help lead others towards God if they are interested.  So simply being ungodly isn't enough in my perspective to cut someone out of my life.  I know plenty of people who don't believe in God, but they believe in his attributes and qualities of honesty, peace, love, kindness.

But, the wayward part is enough.  I think wayward means what we discuss so much here.  The cruelty, the abuse, the hate and all of those other behaviors that are the opposite of what God wants for us to do in this fleeting life we are gifted.

So now I am at peace with my decision.  It's been an incredible relief. 

And I just wanted to share it here with this wonderful community. 

I am quite grateful that the religious/spiritual thread exists since for me personally it is an essential part of my healing.

[Penny Lane]

I am so glad that your journey led you there! It sounds like you feel really at peace with your decision.

[Mary]

D, I'm so happy you have found peace with your decision.

I learned about withdrawing several years ago. My uNPDh was railing on church members, and pulled our family from the church. This verse kept coming to me.

II Thes. 3:6 Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.

It took me a bit (and a heart-to-heart talk with another Christian) to recognize that God was calling me to withdraw emotionally from the judgmental drama .

I think what you are doing has very strong biblical support.
Mary

[1footouttadefog]

There are a lot of scriptures, or wisdom principles that come to mind regarding limiting an unhealthy relationship.

A walk through Proverbs would likely help.

Personally I use the idea that persisting in a relationship where I am being abused is enabling the sinful state of another person.  Sort of like taking booze to an alcoholic.

Also being in the council of wicker person is spoke. Against in the Bible.

Enabling a parent to provoke their child to anger seems wrong also. 

[Dandelion]

I hear you, thank you for sharing D.