Lost love for my kids sports

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Findingme1991

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Lost love for my kids sports
« on: August 14, 2021, 01:16:13 PM »
i used to love going to my kids sports and after school programs. I lived for it. Now I hate it. Iím physically sick snd i dread it. I have to watch my husband (soon to be ex) with his new supply Who is so disrespectful to me and refuses to make peace even for the sake of the kids. I get so angry all over again. I feel like theyíre going to be together forever and as sad as it soundsÖ my biggest struggle is watching them pretend to be this perfect family with my kids. It makes me feel like my kids donít need me. Itís like he discarded me right out of my life and replaced me with someone else. The kids even love her.

Iím glad sheís nice to them but she is manipulative as he is and tells my kids that all she wants is to get along when in reality he and her have shown up to my house so she can ďbeat my a$$Ē and videoed it. Of course I refused to engage with her physically but Iím so angry. Itís bad enough he had to keep cheating with this same woman thatís been a problem for years but then he had to date her too? Move her into my house and not even ask her to do whatís best for my kids? All these emotions and Iím now hiding in my car trying not to cry
« Last Edit: August 19, 2021, 05:27:35 PM by Starboard Song »

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Associate of Daniel

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Re: Lost love for my kids sports
« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2021, 07:02:24 PM »
FindingMe, I'm so sorry.

I have no advice.  Just to say that I'm in the same situation.

 Throughout my entire relationship (14 years) with my uNPD exH I was the 3rd wheel to his relationship with his now uNPD wife. 

I was so relieved when he finally left me for her.  Devastated of course but relieved.

It was so hard watching them together.  I now recognise, nearly 9 years later, that the p.d.a. in front of me were always initiated by her and probably done to rub the situation in my face, rather than as a display of true affection for my uNPD exH.

I also know that my uNPD exH is not happy and is unlikely to ever be so.  He is her victim and has no courage or emotional ability to leave her.  I'm actually quite sad for him.

She has bowled right over every boundry regarding my role as a mum (and his as a father) and I have consequently missed out on so much of the blessing and privelege of that role.  I only have one child and I now only see him on weekends and half of the holidays.

Today, ds14 and I have a lovely relationship.  And I have to take comfort in that - and in the fact that his physical needs are being met.

But watching him being brainwashed by her manipulations and seeing him think that her inappropriate and controlling presence in his life is normal and loving, is incredibly hard.

He's not going to understand it unless/until he has children of his own, and unless his partner starts to tell him otherwise.  One of my biggest fears is that he'll marry someone like her.

I am stronger in myself these days but there are times when the pain is overwhelming.

My grief is not so much over the destruction of my marriage, as over the loss of my beautiful boy and of my role as his mum.

It gets easier with time but the pain will take a long time to go away.

Sorry.  My post is not encouraging.  Just to tell you you're not alone in your situation.  I feel for you.

AOD

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Penny Lane

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Re: Lost love for my kids sports
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2021, 03:56:51 PM »
Hello, I am a stepmom and I am here to report that your kids' stepmom will never ever replace you. They might love her, but you are their MOM. They need you and they love you.

My guess is that your ex won't stay with his affair partner forever. Maybe they will, obviously some people do, but many don't. Nevertheless you just need to focus on getting through the short term. In the longer term either they will break up or you will have more distance and healing and be better equipped to handle it.

Can you alternate activities with your ex? My husband and BM used to both go to every extracurricular. It was terrible. She would corner him and scream that she can't stand to breathe the same air as him. He would get stressed because she was clearly hungover when she had the kids the night before, so he would say something and they would argue. It was a bad situation. Now we try to minimize the time he has to see her. If the kids are with her he'll only go to special events (like, a recital but not a weekly sports game). I hope you can give yourself a break like that. Once he stopped going to stuff on her time she did the same vice versa. Of course your ex bringing his affair partner adds an extra layer of awful - I don't have a lot of advice about that other than like I said time will make it easier one way or another.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this and I hope it gets better for you.