I feel so sick with the abuse and the harassment

[Ilove....]

There's no official diagnosis of a PD with my sister but I long suspected that there is something like a cluster B personality.    There's a few things that lead me to this:

She's a hostile individual.   Her emotions are intense and always prolonged.  She was never a happy person growing up and even into adulthood.   She was never happy.   It's the intensity of the emotions that scares me.   The drama too. 

A row lead to our falling out.  That row was completely of my own making.   It was completely from me 100%.  When it came to apologising and patching things up, she didn't want to know.   She proceeded to implement estrangement.  I now know the estrangement was a control tactic from her.   I think she wanted me to run after her and beg for forgiveness and beg for our friendship back.  I never did that.

I accepted the estrangement that she implemented.   For years I was on the end of an abuse and harassment campaign from her.   At this stage, reading between the lines of the messages she wants me to fix things between us. I did extend the olive branch before and I worked through her messages trying to work through the issues she has with me, but she wasn't open into accepting anything.   It's a no win situation.  A lot of it is control from her.   She doesn't want me to be happy without her.  She wants to shame me.  She wants to drag me down.   We haven't been in each others lifes for years.  Like physically in each others lifes.  It's been 6 years since we were physically in each others lifes but the abuse and the harassment continues from her.

A lot of the abuse goes ignored.   Shes never happy with any of her acts of revenge and she continues to this day although it's getting less.  Almost as if there's something triggering her in her own life to lash out at me.  It's not only just me.  She doesn't get on well with our other siblings and also one parent.  We all got a piece from her, over and over again.  I'm not going into all the acts of revenge because it was absolutely brutal.  She belongs behind bars for all that she did.  Some of the messages on an old phone and some of the emails I have from her are sickening.  Absolutely sickening that I'm not going to repeat here.

It's almost as if, she is hurting and she believes because she is hurt and she has every right under the sun to lash out and hurt the family.   To send the hurt that she is experiencing back onto the family.  Even though so much of the hurt she is experiencing is from herself - her own personality and temperament.   She created so much drama out of thin air to me and the rest of our siblings.   We were in a time of our lifes where work and partners were taking over and we had less time to invest in a one on one relationship with our sister and she wasn't able to cope with that change.   

She's not able to understand life beyond herself.  Her feelings are the only thing that matters in this world and nothing else matters in her mind.   Just her feelings.  Nobody else's feelings.  Never mind that she hurt us too in her revenge protest. 

The family and I took appropriate steps against this person like changing numbers and blocking her on social media and other steps too.   She so desperate she continued on the path of the smear campaign to other people. 

The family and I have been bounced from the police to the solicitors with no one wanting to take this on board for us.

I feel so sick and hopeless on this situation.  The woman is engaged in a constant fight against me and the rest of the family.    One could possibly call it a feud at this stage but its one sided coming from her.

I just feel so sick.   Another sib8siad that at this stage this is something that will follow us to our graves.   She is hurting the family in the hope that we fix her happiness as if its in our hands. 

[Ilove....]

I forgot to add something.  I got a message last yesr from her.  It was around about the start of the pandemic.  The message said - 'sorry for insulting you'.

I didn't know how to respond to it.  I left it be for a few days thinking I will have a think about it at the weekend when I'm free and I will reply when I have more free time.  A week or two passes, my heart was never into replying back to her.  I couldn't risk opening up a big can of worms from her.   I didn't want to respond to her in case she reeled me in and focuses on all on herself and on all of her issues.  She did so much more then insult me too. She not only insulted me, she mocked me, she threatened me, she twisted everything to make out that she was completely innocent and I was the bad one, she revenged me over and over, she shamed me, she humiliated me, she tried to sabotage the good relationships I had in my life (many of them now just hanging like strings).   I  just don't have time to open the door to allow her back into my life in any way.   

[Ilove....]

She has so much contempt for me which shines through whenever she finds a new way to contact me.    She was never sorry either last year when I got that message.   If she was sorry, she would have left me space to think about it instead of blowing up with more dirt within a matter of weeks. If she was sorry she wouldn't have continued with more revenge throughout the year.

[BlueCheesePlease]

Ilove...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I am shaking my head reading what you have written because I can relate so much with my own sister. I have only gone NC with her not even 2 full months ago - so I am really new to this and feel I am not in a place yet to offer advice.

I just want you to know you are not alone.

By the title of your post, I related immediately. When I read the rest, I could relate even more.

My sister is the same and has been doing the same. It was worse right at the time of our last "fight", and then as soon as I went NC, but it is still almost daily. I have blocked her on every account, changed my phone number and email address, but unfortunately some of my family tells me about the emails she sends me (because she copies my entire family on the emails as well) She threatened me also in the past, but she has been charged for death threats (not charged by me) in the past so she is more careful now with what she says. She contacted my place of work (more than once, two different jobs) lying to them in hopes to get me fired. She smeared my name on social media and called me an alcoholic and animal abuser - I'll admit I probably drink more than I should, but I am FARRRRRRRRRRR from an animal abuser. She even contacted the cat shelter I volunteer at and tried to get me booted from there. She contacted my husbands MOTHERS work, where she is a nurse, and tried to get her fired as well. She has ruined or attempted o ruin so many relationships for me. I have felt so overwhelmed by her harassment and abuse, I've just frozen sometimes because it feels like it is coming from EVERY single angle and I can't escape it.

I'm sorry that probably doesn't make you feel much better, and I don't fully know your situation - but you CAN walk away and change all of your contact info so you don't  ever need to see or hear from her again. Is that possible for you? It is incredibly freeing. If you are able to do that, even if it's just for a while, I know everyone here would support you and help  you through the roller coaster of emotions. I completely understand.