Thoughts from the edge: Round and round. And back around.

[nanotech]

When I was training for teaching I was introduced to the Early Years spiral of learning. Young children don't learn in linear style. They need to meet concepts and then revisit them over and over in a range of ways and contexts, in order to consolidate their learning and achieve mastery.
Mastery of a concept of skill is demonstrated when the child is able to pass on that learning to another child. Peer teaching further cements the learning for the child who teaches a concept or skill to another child.
The classroom needs to be a safe, secure environment where young kids feel  protected and validated.

I also learned about the nature of talk as a powerful tool for learning. On this forum we talk. We share, disclose, analyse, reflect, speculate, reassure, support, suggest, conclude. There's a richness in the knowledge that develops through the language of shared experiences, ideas and emotions.

Many of us feel like tiny children in need of  teacher and peer group support and guidance. We get both from this forum.
Thirdly, the act of giving advice deepens our knowledge.

So it's a liberating spiral.

We can be 26 or 66, but we are those little kids emerging Out of the FOG, in need of a safe place, and each other. Unbound by time.

[D.]

Nanotech,  Thank you so much for what you wrote.  I come from an early childhood background as well and your insight is truly invaluable.

And thank you everyone for posting and creating this thread.  I remember being a bit surprised by the post w/the idea of moving on, people being stuck, etc. and feeling a bit confused as well.  I felt happy someone felt so healed.  On the other hand it did sound like an indirect put down of those who are active on this site...is that ok to say?  I don't want to sound critical...Because I just see journeys towards healing.  Maybe the only one who can decide what is stuck is me about me?

I remember thinking that it depends the intent and purpose for participation.  We all have different ways and interests in contributing so giving back here can also be a strategy for healing that would literally last a life time.  Or someone could give and receive here until they've essentially mastered the skills of coping w/people w/PD and then move on.  Or maybe they visit once or twice, and that's enough.

Imho everyone here has clarified that there is no time sequence of "finishing" this work.  And the contribution of those experienced is essential to make this group work. 

Personally I find it's a challenging balance this healing.  I don't want to get stuck and I only have so much room in my day and my brain to think about how to cope w/my  relationships w/those people who have PD characteristics (mostly uPD or e in my case).  I also need time to simply be.  To be at peace.  To be content.  To even be sad.

On the other hand I feel like I fooled myself for a long timing thinking I was healed, then realizing I was in denial and still had more work to do.  My own kids have commented that I will always be on this journey of healing.  The history of trauma won't go away.  And how do you measure what is needed to recover from 45 years of neglect and abuse?...Not that that I want any prizes for the amount of time...there are those with more, or less, and all kinds of pain that we've been handed out or currently experience at the hands of those w/a PD.

I am figuring out how much and how best I can give back.  I am new here and I know I still have a lot to learn with regards to sharing ideas so I listen a lot and put forward my voice when I hope I have another perspective to add.  For me this thread really helped me to think about that concept of balance.  What is the balance in my life to juggle direct healing work such as the forum, therapy, journaling, etc.?  And as was mentioned this work isn't linear so I think I now realize that it's a matter of simply recognizing and seizing those moments when the healing work arises.  Sometimes it's planned.  Sometimes it's not.

And the great thing is that this is a safe space to explore that healing for myself and give back at the same time.

I am so happy to play on the merry go round here with everyone and I trust my heart to guide me here when it's the right moment 

[moglow]

Thank you, all of you, for recognizing and acknowledging how important we are. This reminds me that what we do as a community truly matters. It sounds like our lives have been painfully similar in many ways, and we've had too little of the good stuff - or maybe we just didn't recognize it because it was so unfamiliar?

Y'all humble me with your words, your support and compassion, the amazing insights you offer your fellow members every time you post. We just all need to remember to apply that first here, with our lost and struggling inner selves. No matter where you are in this journey you always have so much to offer, things to learn, thinking to do. And isn't that what life's all about, PD or not?

I'm all choked up with gratitude - and you didn't even know what you were giving!! Peace and love to you, my friends.

[blacksheep7]

When I was training for teaching I was introduced to the Early Years spiral of learning. Young children don't learn in linear style. They need to meet concepts and then revisit them over and over in a range of ways and contexts, in order to consolidate their learning and achieve mastery.
Mastery of a concept of skill is demonstrated when the child is able to pass on that learning to another child. Peer teaching further cements the learning for the child who teaches a concept or skill to another child.
The classroom needs to be a safe, secure environment where young kids feel  protected and validated.

I also learned about the nature of talk as a powerful tool for learning. On this forum we talk. We share, disclose, analyse, reflect, speculate, reassure, support, suggest, conclude. There's a richness in the knowledge that develops through the language of shared experiences, ideas and emotions.

Many of us feel like tiny children in need of  teacher and peer group support and guidance. We get both from this forum.
Thirdly, the act of giving advice deepens our knowledge.

So it's a liberating spiral.

We can be 26 or 66, but we are those little kids emerging Out of the FOG, in need of a safe place, and each other. Unbound by time.

Wow Nanotech, so moving, comforting and true........ this is a safe place    Thank you.   
When I have those uncomfortable feelings, I feel like a teen, way back when.....

[Lilyloo]

I think I will be here forever. I'm 67 and the mother wound feels like it will never go away. If not for this forum, I would have had no one that truly understood. I am happy for anyone who can move on.  I'm not that person.  I may only be here now and then, but I know its a place to find some peace of mind. I don't reply often to topics, because I don't feel I'm that good with helping.  I have great compassion tho for each and everyone.   

[Psuedonym]

Hello moglow and friends!

I am late to the party because I haven't been on the site in quite a while. I used to be on this site every day, multiple times a day. i would read most of the posts and comment on many and it would make me feel so much better to read all your stories. And then one day I realized I hadn't even logged into the site in a few months. I hadn't felt the need to check in. Total 180. What changed you ask? How did I make such a miraculous recovery, you ask? Two words:

She. died.

That's it. That's my secret. The PD in my life died and (over the course of several months) I went from feeling on the verge of having a nervous breakdown/panic attack/random dread/guilt/uneasiness to feeling really good most of the time. Why am I telling you this? Consider me a voice from your future:

It is not you that's the problem.
You are not broken.
You are having a normal reaction to a very abnormal situation.

How do I know this? Because when the source of all my anxiety/neurosis went away, and I don't mean NC away I mean permanently away, so did my symptoms. Think of it this way: if you lived in a house with black mold on the walls and you coughed and wheezed and were sick all the time, and then you moved away and got better, it would not be because you were weak or whiny or immature or self-pitying or a hypochondriac, it would be because you were exposed to a toxic environment. You'd be having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. In our situations, going LC or even NC can lessen the symptoms, but until you are well and truly free of the toxicity, you can't truly recover or even understand the degree of damage it's caused.

I am writing this as a hopeful message. It doesn't solve the problem of having to deal with the PDs in your lives, which is draining and awful and unfair, but I hope it illustrates that it really, really isn't a character flaw that you need a place to vent and need support and validation.

In conclusion, it ain't you.

[SunnyMeadow]

Hello moglow and friends!
Consider me a voice from your future:
It is not you that's the problem.
You are not broken.
You are having a normal reaction to a very abnormal situation.

Thank you for this! ♥ I've missed seeing you but I'm glad you're on the other side of this mess. Can't wait to join you!