New Member

[RNinTexas]

Thank you for allowing me to enroll.  I am a retired RN, remarried with two teenage step children.  My other children from my previous marriage are all grown and living on their own.   My younger step daughter is 15 and was diagnosed via psychological neuro cognitive evaluation to have symptoms of BPD, ADHD and major depressive disorder.  I was aware of the latter two diagnoses, but wasn't keenly aware of the first.  I knew something was off, but wasn't convinced it was BPD. I'm told at her age there is no formal diagnosis of BPD but that she displays a majority of the symptoms.  Her biological mother for certain has BPD complete with a violent and criminal past and suffers from opioid and alcohol abuse.  My step daughter, whom I've raised from the past 7 years (husband has sole custody) has been emotionally abused during her visits with her mother which thankfully were on a recurring, but limited basis.  She was exposed to the substance abuse, to shoplifting on a regular basis, infidelity with multiple men despite being remarried, and episodes of domestic violence.  We have spent a kings ransom trying to bring these concerns to light, however she always managed to operate under the radar.  More recently as my step daughter has gotten older and more vocal, she shared the happenstance during her visits with her during therapy and the therapist notified Child Protective Services and visits were suspended until the mother cooperates with their investigation.  Between her unstable mother and My husband who is hypercritical of my step daughter and I believe this has contributed greatly to her emotional duress.  From what I've read, BPD is thought to be perhaps genetic and exacerbated by environment.  It is my hope to gain wisdom and insight from this group so I can help my Step daughter optimize her wellness and develop effective coping strategies so she doesn't suffer the same fate as her mother.  I've read that recognition and early, aggressive dialectical therapy has shown promise.  I have already begun the process of finding a different therapist experienced in personality disorders, and thankfully we have already begun using a psychiatrist when she first starting acting depressed and suicidal.  I feel better knowing what the struggle is and more able to help.  The therapy and antidepressants took the edge off the suffering, but definitely did not come close to fixing the problem.  So tonight is the firsts two of my journey to learn, understand and support my step daughter.  My husband is not in a super healthy place and seems to be dealing with his ego issues over having a struggling child, therefore I think I will have to be proactive in finding the proper resources.  My husbands other daughter is very much like him and it's clear that she is idolized, where as my younger stepdaughter is criticized and compared.  The tension I have felt watching unhealthy family dynamics has taken a toll on me personally and on our marriage.  I am hopeful that with knowing the issues and owning environmental contributing/triggering  factors, healing may begin. 🙏🏻

[bloomie]

Hi and welcome. What a journey you are on with your family. Reading of your compassion and willingness to go the distance with your step daughter and do all you can to find her the help she needs warms my heart. Building a team around her can only be a very good thing for all of you.

Now building a support system for yourself by coming here for support is another really helpful and wise step. I hope you have additional in real life people around you as well.

We have great resources in the drop down menus above and in our book reviews and other online media resources boards. You will find a wealth of info and insights there as you settle in.

We have many boards, but two that came to mind where the conversations might be especially helpful are:

Parent's Discussion: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=5.0
and
Co Parenting: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=9.0

There has to be some hope in knowing that at 15 so much of your dear step daughter's character and personality are still developing. We talk a bit about something called fleas here that is a sort of short hand for the reality that many of us who were raised in unstable environments learn to emulate disordered/self destructive behaviors that can be overcome in time.

Being a safe harbor for this young woman is a beautiful thing and yet can take a huge toll on your own well being and even potentially your marriage and other important relationships. Sharing your journey with others who understand can bolster you and be good self care. I am glad you are here.