Does it ever change or get better

[Ilove....]

I'm not going into the full history and the details of the estrangement between myself and my sister.   A row many years ago when she was living at home, led to her being passive aggressive and hostile with intimation towards me.  I accepted the estrangement she decided to implement but I now know she did that to control me silently.   I think, in her mind, I wasn't supposed to accept the estrangement and I was supposed to bed for forgiveness and beg for her friendship back.    That didn't happen from me.  Don't get me wrong I did try and I tried the olive branch a few years after that but nothing was accepted from my sister.   Almost as if, it wasn't good enough from me and she wanted more from and something more deeper.

Some of the issues she has on me, I'm not able to help her with but she wants me to for example some of the messages from her is telling me:

"you were only ever just jealous of me". 

I'm not able to help her if she believes I was jealous of her. 

I'm no NC and I'm happily NC.   

There's a problem in that for many years she has engaged in shaming, humiliation, smearing and revenge against me.   

I do suspect that there's a personality disorder going on and something cluster B.  I'm not here for a diagnosis.  I do highly suspect there is a personality disorder.   Everything points to that.   The intensity of the emotions.  The sheer black soul that she has. 

She fell out with others in the family too. 

She's brutal.  At this stage, the stress from her is causing me physical signs of sickness.

Myself and the family has responded appropriately - limiting social media, blocking her, changing numbers, logging details of contact from her.

I have a question.  Does it ever get better?    Do they ever go away?   All the family wants and needs and craves is peace but that's being denied from her. She wants all focus to be on her and her hurt feelings and on history of her hurt feelings.  I know what my part is but she wants 100% of the blame to be on my back. Also others she wants 100% of blame to be on everyone else's back too.   She created drama out of thin air.  We were all at a point in our lifes where work was taking over and partners/girlfriends and we naturally had less time for her. That wasn't intentional but she wasn't able to cope with the change.   

Also I'm not interested in engaging with her because really don't think she will be able to handle what I have to say and also I'm afraid she will hold onto anything I say and throw it back at me and use against me (she's done this before.

A lot of it reminds me of hamlet looking for a pound of flesh. 

[Spring Butterfly]

No contact means she cannot contact you. If she's blocked how are you still having interaction?

Have you shut down that hole in contact?

In your other post your searching online media for her. This isn't no contact.

They don't need to do anything. Boundaries and no contact is fully within your control. She can try, stalk, come knock on your door, whatever. You just keep shutting it down. Don't answer the door, call the police, block her number, don't read her social media, auto file her emails to a folder you never read, etc.

How is she still getting through?

[Ilove....]

No contact means she cannot contact you. If she's blocked how are you still having interaction?

Have you shut down that hole in contact?

In your other post your searching online media for her. This isn't no contact.

They don't need to do anything. Boundaries and no contact is fully within your control. She can try, stalk, come knock on your door, whatever. You just keep shutting it down. Don't answer the door, call the police, block her number, don't read her social media, auto file her emails to a folder you never read, etc.

How is she still getting through?

Thanks for the reply.   I didn't want to give away too much information in case I am identified and she finds me and uses it against me. 

Numbers are changed and she is blocked on social media.    She continues with fake accounts.   I didn't want to give away too much information and list out all the revenge she is carrying out.   She contacts other people that she remembers from the town, anyone that is associated with me.  She's doesn't get on with other siblings too and she contacted his friends on Facebook.

She carries out other acts that goes beyond the availability of a block function. For example.  We have a sibling abroad.   Everything has been above board with his immigration into his chosen country and he settled there with a beautiful partner and child, a lovely home and good work.  Somebody reported him to the immigration authorities.  We checked online and its an easy task because there is a form online for filling in and it's all anonymous.  He never made an enemy where he is.   He has no enemies at home, except for my sister.   Somebody reported him and we do suspect it came from her. 

He had a lot of stress about that and thankfully it all worked out well.   

Then there are other acts. She made an ad online selling a car in our mother's name and sent two people to our front door to pick up this car.   That was only last year.  It was a disposable act.

There were other acts of signing us up to gay dating websites.  Signing us up for mail online like sending us religious material like free bibles. 

A lot of acts that she's carrying out covert and silent and it goes beyond a bloke button. 

All we can do is log the details for the police authorities and that's it.  The police won't move on her because she's not physically threatening and violent to us.


She's behaving like hamlet wanting a pound of flesh.   Some of her messages from before reads as if she wants us to engage with her.   A few years ago I tried the olive branch and I did text her.  I was getting a lot of texts from her at the time and the texts were demanding for explainations and apologies.  It got me now where because she wanted me to take on 100% of her narrative.  She was circulating old rows from our youth that was neither here nor there and other non issues.  She bounces around from one to the next. 

I got a depressive thought in my mind when I wrote this thinking - is this ever going to end from her? She wants me down on my knees to serve her ego, feelings and emotions.   She wants us all down on our knees.

I also wrote here because I strongly suspect a personality disorder of some sort.   There's a prolonged intensity of hatred from her.   I suppose I'm also looking for people who experienced similar.

I thought about mediation a few times but I'm not willing to go down that road with her because she can't meet another person half way.  She wants me to take on 100% of her narrative. 

[Boat Babe]

Her behaviour is malevolent in the extreme. This must be frightening for all the family. It may be worth logging incidents in case of further escalation  I'm so, so sorry you're having to deal with this and am sending hugs

Oh, and just because I am a retired English teacher, it was Shylock who wanted the pound of flesh! (The merchant of Venice)

[Ilove....]

Her behaviour is malevolent in the extreme. This must be frightening for all the family. It may be worth logging incidents in case of further escalation  I'm so, so sorry you're having to deal with this and am sending hugs

Oh, and just because I am a retired English teacher, it was Shylock who wanted the pound of flesh! (The merchant of Venice)

It's frightening because its so Prolonged and vicious and covert at times.  So much of it doesnt make sense.

I got some mail before the Christmas in the post.  I'm not willing to write about it here because it was just sick.    She's done so much more other acts too but I'm not willing to write about them in case I'm found online and here.

It's like she's hurting and she wants to send that hurt back to us as if we are responsible.   Nobody set out to cause her hurt.   There was a lot of circumstances of working hard, working abroad, working long hours, and just jot having time for oneself never mind to maintain friendships and relationships.  She took this badly. I did have a row with her too and she took that badly too and still hanging onto it and still hanging onto other rows from our youth.  One of her favourites is smacking anything back into our faces. 

Thank you for letting me know about Shylock.   I studied the Merchant of Venice and hamlet in school but clearly not very well to remember details after all these years.   I knew it was one of them Shakespeare lads who was looking for a pound of flesh. I hope you are able to get what I mean by it though.

Its definite my sister is on a mission.  She's not looking for a pound of flesh but she's looking for us to crumble or to engage with her or to fix her feelings and she's not done with us.

[Boat Babe]

I reread your post and you said that you are logging calls/incidents. Sorry that I suggested it.

[Ilove....]

I reread your post and you said that you are logging calls/incidents. Sorry that I suggested it.

The incidents are dated and documented.   Outside of that we feel so helpless.  That's myself and the rest of the family.   The police won't move unless there's violence and they say its a civil matter there's two problems. Then we are being bounced around from solicitors.  One solicitor behaved like a counsellor and others referred us back to the police saying its a criminal matter.  One thing is for sure, she's not ready with us.

[Hilltop]

On Facebook change all your privacy settings to "only your friends" can see your posts.  Shut down messenger.  That way if she sets up a fake account, it doesn't matter, she won't be able to access anything, only your friends can see your posts etc.  Do not have anything friends of friends.  Your account profile picture, have something generic and then search for public view to make sure there is no access.  If your friends are giving out your personal details, I don't know what to say, you may need to post something saying not to give out your details although that should be obvious.

Change your phone number and only give it out to people that you trust, change your email account and don't give it out to other family or friends, tell them to contact you via Facebook or phone, use whatsapp etc.  Start shutting down the avenues they can contact you by.  The new information is getting through somehow so with friends or family stick to FB and phone only as a means of communication.  Then keep your email for other stuff.  If you need to advertise your mobile number for work then I'm sorry you may need to just keep blocking her numbers.

If it is really bad would you consider moving and not giving your address to family.  Or could you set up a post mailbox address for your family to send stuff to and keep your address hidden.

I would really limit family and friends to 1 or 2 methods of communicating, if she is contacting you via business I'm not sure what to say.  You say you texted her a while back so that is where she got your number from.  You need to stop contacting her, change your number again and then block the number you know she has.

She will probably know your friends on Facebook however you can shut your account down so that its not accessible to others, you can make your account like a fortress.  Most online, social media is this way.

[AlisonWonder]

Can you change your name?  Definitely use a PO Box, even if you have to stay at the same address.  Make the outside of the house look different if you can.  Get a new phone.  Have new interests and groups.  I think it is worthwhile to change *everything* because you can't build new relationships if you are living in fear of what might get back to her and what might then get back to you, and those new relationships are a very important part of your healing and growth.

I had a professional give me the stink eye once, could not work it out but it was an important relationship.  Come to find out, an estranged relative had them on their friends list,  and they were from the same town.  It didn't matter that my relative was thousands of miles away and our names don't match.  I changed providers, very inconvenient but the new lot have always been lovely to me.
You see, once that person gives you the stink eye, it spreads to their colleagues who don't even know what it is about.  It can be very dangerous when decisions are being made for you.  Don't underestimate it.

I wish you well for sure.