She's "transitioning" in hospice

Started by alphaomega, February 10, 2021, 03:41:26 PM

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SunnyMeadow

#20
February 14, 2021, 09:22:53 AM Last Edit: February 14, 2021, 09:37:52 AM by SunnyMeadow
So many complex emotions, it's good you're talking about them and thank you for sharing them with us.

I hope peace and relief comes to you soon. ♥




alphaomega

#21
February 14, 2021, 10:05:22 AM
How poignant that she crosses on Valentines Day.

I worked my entire life to show her unconditional love.

I expect if she permitted anyone to give her a taste of it, I did.

But she was always too busy punching at air.

She vowed to haunt the care facility and they very people who were making her comfortable...

What a miserable sot.
Dream in Peace W.I. - you are free now...

moglow

#22
February 14, 2021, 12:28:29 PM
Some people are endless bottomless pits of need. Mine is another. The goalposts are constantly being moved, unnecessary drama and "problems" being created. I can only assume it's to continually redirect attention to them and their needs - and no one anywhere is ever enough.

Sometime back another member mentioned that her mother had left this world, middle finger firmly in the air. I can only imagine her burning everyone down around her - and an unfortunate sigh of relief from them.

It's incredibly sad, thinking on what might have been. We can only wish her peace at last, Alphaomega. I wish so much more of the same for you.
"She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom." ~Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter
"Expectations are disappointments under construction." ~Capn Spanky, The Nook circa 2005ish

Hepatica

#23
February 14, 2021, 01:06:39 PM
Quote from: alphaomega on February 14, 2021, 08:48:19 AM
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.

Oh.  :'(

I'm so very very sorry alphaomega. Perfect sentiment above.

You are doing exactly the right thing. Let it out. Good for you for letting those emotions flow out of you. I have tears and I'm sending you peace and love at this time.
"There is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there's
still a sureness in you, where there's a seamlessness in you, and where
there is a confidence and tranquility." John O'Donohue

Andeza

#24
February 14, 2021, 08:53:04 PM
Give yourself time. It may take a lot or a little, and there is no right or wrong amount of time needed. Your feelings and emotions are valid. Your pain is real.

We'll be here.
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

Maxtrem

#25
February 15, 2021, 02:32:44 PM
@Alphaomega, as I read you, I am convinced that I will feel like you after the death of my uBPD/Nm. On the one hand there is sadness, but on the other hand there is deliverance.
There is this article which touched me a lot and which deals a little bit with this subject on the surface:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201405/the-borderline-mother

Hilltop

#26
February 15, 2021, 07:21:36 PM
Alphaomega, let those emotions out, it doesn't matter what you feel, just let them come, sit with them.  There may be a lot of processing in the coming days, weeks, months however long it takes.  This time is now for you.

I'm thinking of you. 

alphaomega

#27
February 16, 2021, 08:36:57 AM
Thank you to all who have given me words of advise, encouragement and guidance.  :grouphug:

One of her favorite sayings to me was
"Your gonna miss me when I'm gone!!"

So far, that doesnt appear to be the case.

I also dont miss feeling like I'm going to vomit any time any phone rings.
I also dont miss having to make amends to the people you just had to be hurtful to.

I dont miss sweeping the ashes from all the bridges you burnt.

And I don't miss the angst in my husbands face whenever I would have to interact with you.

I don't miss the way my daughter would keep her eyes peeled on me when I had to deal with you because she worried you were going to mentally destroy her mother.

I don't miss the "I have another emergency calls", the incessant and demanding texts, the call for food delivery because no-one could ever make the right food for you.
I don't miss hearing that "you were strong willed (insert eyeroll) from everyone at the care center that took care of you.

I especially, ESPECIALLY DO NOT FUCKING MISS hearing platitudes about what a sweet little old lady you were.... :aaauuugh:

So far, the only thing I'm missing is the 51 years I tried like hell to get you to behave.
And be kind.

Yep.  So far that would be it...
Dream in Peace W.I. - you are free now...

SunnyMeadow

#28
February 16, 2021, 08:55:35 AM
I figured you'd feel like this alphaomega. I fully expect to feel the same way. Not missing her. 

Ah, the sweet old lady thing, mine says that too. 

I won't look at my phone and feel anxiety in my gut when I see she phoned, texted or emailed. Won't see her photo as a Related Contact in the "send to" line when I'm typing an email. Won't have to feel "I should" call her.

I CAN'T WAIT to feel like you do. You get to live your life for you!! :sunny:

I'm smiling thinking about what WI would say about this!

Boat Babe

#29
February 16, 2021, 10:11:34 AM
Sending you much love alphaomega. You will rise like a phoenix from these bitter ashes.  :bighug:
It gets better. It has to.

SparkStillLit

#30
February 16, 2021, 02:08:51 PM
LOTS and LOTS of love❤❤❤❤❤

JustKat

#31
February 16, 2021, 03:08:20 PM
Hi alphaomega,

It's okay not to go.

If it makes you feel any better, I also chose not to visit my NPDmother in hospice when the end came. It's been five years since she passed and I have never felt any regrets. It's okay to place your own health first and do what is best for you.

Sending you hugs of support.
:hug:
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