Ex-roomate update: apology email

[ShyTurtle]

I've been enjoying my new peaceful life since I moved out of my ex-roomate's house a little over month ago. Spending that last month confined to my room and eating cold soup out of cans in order to avoid the abuse from her  was really crappy.

So about a week ago this bpd-afflicted individual felt the need to write an apology email....only it really wasn't. I read it through, and I could feel those familiar black-hole-heart feelings of being treated less than kind in her long email to me. I am trying to trust those little feelings in me that tell me when I'm being slighted and abused and this was definitely an abusive email. It was like she was desperate to instigate a response from me and made a subtle but firm use of every one of her emotionally manipulative tricks in there somehow.

It was like a *sorry-but-not-sorry* kind of email. Also, in all of that authoritative, accusatory, non-applogetic blather, there was a definite undertone of not recognizing her role in any of what happened.

After reading it through twice and sending it to a dear friend for confirmation, I decided not to respond. She said she wanted to remain friends. It's not going to happen because I love myself more than that.

After that I got some random text messages about stuff I had left behind, which I also ignored.

I think the best action I can take here is silence.  It's liberating! Also, I haven't heard from her since.

[bloomie]

ShyTurtle - I am so happy for you that you have reclaimed peace from your ex roommate's behaviors that were so toxic to you. Whew!

This person sending an email to re-write the script so the 'story' of how things went down in the house absolves them in their own mind or transfers the discomfort to you is not something you have to accommodate or participate in, refute or set straight. Or possibly it is to provoke an exchange or some contact.

You are so wise to choose to not respond. That takes great self control and keeps the troubles away from your happy life.

[ShyTurtle]

ShyTurtle - I am so happy for you that you have reclaimed peace from your ex roommate's behaviors that were so toxic to you. Whew!

This person sending an email to re-write the script so the 'story' of how things went down in the house absolves them in their own mind or transfers the discomfort to you is not something you have to accommodate or participate in, refute or set straight. Or possibly it is to provoke an exchange or some contact.

You are so wise to choose to not respond. That takes great self control and keeps the troubles away from your happy life.

Thanks Bloomie! ❤

[Sapling]

Well done ShyTurtle    I support your non-response. It does sound like they have emailed you to elicit a response from you and also to affrim (to themselves) that they've done nothing wrong and are still a 'good' person. I like how you have basically communicated to them that they no longer have access to you. Enjoy the peace of your new home!

[ShyTurtle]

Well done ShyTurtle    I support your non-response. It does sound like they have emailed you to elicit a response from you and also to affrim (to themselves) that they've done nothing wrong and are still a 'good' person. I like how you have basically communicated to them that they no longer have access to you. Enjoy the peace of your new home!

Thanks so much, Sapling! To be honest, I feel pretty broken by everything that's happened in the last year (and the abusive relationship I left nearly a year ago) , but it is so much more peaceful where I am now!

[Sapling]

Thanks so much, Sapling! To be honest, I feel pretty broken by everything that's happened in the last year (and the abusive relationship I left nearly a year ago) , but it is so much more peaceful where I am now!

Oh! I can imagine you must be exhausted right now! But honestly, you have done well to create this space for yourself where you can now heal. Take your time and go gently and kindly with yourself. FWIW you may feel broken but you look pretty strong and resilient from where I stand. Go gently and kindly with yourself and rest, rest, rest. A big hug to you ShyTurtle 

[Thru the Rain]

Great job ignoring!

I agree she's likely trying to rewrite history. She may also be missing the "supply" she was getting from treating you so poorly, and she's hoping to lure you back for more abuse.