[Associate of Daniel]

I've had enough.  When does this ever end?

Nothing out of the ordinary has happened.  Things are normal here in uNPD land.

Just everything is such a DRAMA. The simplest of things is turned into a competition as to who is the better parent.

If I don't respond straight away to an email I'm not co parenting responsibly.  (Strange he hasn't brought up parallell parenting in all these 8 and a half years.)

If I discuss things with our ds14 instead of discussing it with uNPD exH first, I'm "putting ds in the middle" or making him (ds) a "mediator".

I've just had a gutful.  Why can't things just be simple? Why am I not allowed to have normal conversations with my son without uNPD exH getting his knickers in a knot and accusing me of all and sundry?

To think I have another  4 and a half years of this.

It's wearing and I've had enough.

AOD

[11JB68]

So sorry you are dealing with this AOD
It's not whining.
That's what we are all here for to listen and share
I am still married to my uPDh but I deal with similar push/pull around DS (now 23yo). If I talk to DS w/o uPDh present then I'm having secret conversations or he feels left out etc.
If I speak to DS with uPDh present then uPDh has to disagree and/or try to get me on his own side - then I'm accused of always taking DS side
They put us in no-win situations all the time
We just have to do what we feel is right and try not to worry about what the pwPD thinks
In fact, some times it's almost funny to me. uPDh (before I started coming OOTF) would have all these disagreements with clients, customers, family, etc. and so he came up with this 'slogan' for the TWO OF US "WCWCPT" (Why Care What Crazy People Think??) Well, more and more lately I am applying that TO HIM.

[Associate of Daniel]

Thanks, 11JB68.

I'd meant to write "whinge", not "whine".  But either way.

I'm sorry you're going through this - still.  Is your ds standing up to his father on occasion?

My ds14 isn't yet brave enough to stand up to his uNPD father and uNPD smother.  I'm not sure that he ever will be.

But I can't wait for the day when I'll be free of the drama.  If that day ever comes.

[11JB68]

Is whinge the British version of whine anyway? I thought so, but I could totally be wrong about that!
DS23.... Well, he's a natural at medium chill and mostly I guess unfortunately is sort of avoidant.
It's unfortunate. On the other hand I think he has learned, rightly, that standing up to Updh is useless and likely to bring more pain to the one standing up.
Mostly ds is able to do his own thing at this point. Thanks for your concern 🥰

[2nice]

Plain and simple it’s not fair. It goes on forever with kids and hopefully when they are adults we are free

[Boat Babe]

We use both terms.

[sevenyears]

 

Let it all out AOD. We're here to have each other's back.

[11JB68]

 

[athene1399]

I am sorry, AoD.  whine or whinge as much as you need to, otherwise it could build up if you keep the feelings bottled up. It can be so frustrating to have to deal with on a daily basis.