Does your NPD have tons of friends or none ?

[BefuddledClarity]

PD mother has NO friends and says that we(her children) are all that she has. She has severe empty nest syndrome and sinked her claws into my oldest brother using the "woe is me" phrase. He feels bad for her and is the only one out of us 4 siblings living with his parents. He won't be escaping from her clutches anytime soon---as my younger brother puts it, "He's in a very comfortable jail" being with mother. My second oldest brother said eldest brother won't leave either because eldest bro feels obligated to our parents.

It makes me sad, because my eldest brother and myself get along really well, he's very bright and creative. Our mother stunts it. I just hate that by being in contact with him, I still have to deal with mother to an extent.

As for PD father...


PD father has MANY friends, but he avoids them because he doesn't like being around a bunch of people--only his siblings is who he hangs out with.

Both PD parents are separated too, very opposite yet similar. One is "overt" and more agressive with his PD while one is more "covert" and very passive-aggressive with her PD.

[JenniferSmith]

My PD mother is very extroverted, life-of-the-party.  We grew up with many parties being hosted at our home, or being left with babysitters when my mother wanted to go out and socialize.

As I grew up, this caused me to perceive her as a very fake, inauthentic person, because I had seen and experienced her violent rages behind closed doors, and then the big happy hostess-with-the-mostest persona around everyone else.  Few people aside from those who have actually lived with her would know what she was capable of. Kind of like Joan Crawford.

[Cat of the Canals]

My PD mother is very extroverted, life-of-the-party.  We grew up with many parties being hosted at our home, or being left with babysitters when my mother wanted to go out and socialize.

As I grew up, this caused me to perceive her as a very fake, inauthentic person, because I had seen and experienced her violent rages behind closed doors, and then the big happy hostess-with-the-mostest persona around everyone else.  Few people aside from those who have actually lived with her would know what she was capable of. Kind of like Joan Crawford.

This is my PD mother and her PD mother before that. I always found it interesting that my grandmother *idolized* Joan Crawford.

[Ilia]

This is an interesting one. My PD mother has no close friends that she has regular contact with, no one that (pre-pandemic) I have met who attends a birthday for her or that she socializes with regularly. She has a few friends that have known her for a long time but they aren't close.

On the other hand, every person she talks about is her "good friend" who is "world-renowned" for something or another and thinks that she is "absolutely wonderful" or "loves the work that [she does]" (this is literally verbatim for everyone). I learned a long time ago that these are usually just casual acquaintances who don't feel any special relationship with her, but maybe have some power, fame, or expertise that she gloms onto.

[theonetoblame]

My PD mother is very extroverted, life-of-the-party.  We grew up with many parties being hosted at our home, or being left with babysitters when my mother wanted to go out and socialize.

As I grew up, this caused me to perceive her as a very fake, inauthentic person, because I had seen and experienced her violent rages behind closed doors, and then the big happy hostess-with-the-mostest persona around everyone else.  Few people aside from those who have actually lived with her would know what she was capable of. Kind of like Joan Crawford.

A similar pattern with my mother, but more within the context of her large extended family. She had some friends, but I also saw several get cut over the years. The friends she did have tended to be drinking buddies. It wasn't uncommon to arrive home to her and one friend (who would later drive home, wasted) at the table several drinks in. They used to sometimes ask me (her male son) weird and inappropriate questions that related to their adult relationships with men.

Mother was such a lively, heavy drinking guest at family functions that she was seen by most of my cousins as their 'favorite aunt'. They didn't see the days of anger and anxiety that led up to every. single. event. or the day or two of hungover and reactive behavior that followed. When I was trying to 'come out' with the truth of my childhood many of these same cousins pushed back, hard, saying they had no evidence of such evil. On a couple occasions I asked them to take off the glasses of their childhood and to reflect on how totally hammered my mother got at those functions compared to everyone else. This seemed to help, as adults they recognized this would be inappropriate of them as a parent even if it meant they were the life of the party in the moment. I still think the consensus is that I'm just complicated, most prefer to maintain their idolized notion of their favorite aunt.