Clash of the uPDs

11JB68 · March 31, 2021, 09:02:37 PM

updFIL is predictably being very stubborn about not getting vaccinated.
Uocpdh is predictably trying to a) talk him into it and b) recruit me to help with same

Leonor · March 31, 2021, 09:38:10 PM

Gotta love it. Who do you think will win?

Andeza · March 31, 2021, 10:33:33 PM

Nobody. Nobody wins in these situations. Least of all the people that are on the side watching it play out. *sigh*

I'm sorry, 11JB68. I hope you can remove yourself from the situation as much as possible. It's not your circus or monkeys, and that's how they're both behaving right now!

Kiki81 · April 03, 2021, 08:20:24 PM

Seems like your FIL is the winner: lots of drama and attention, zero to minimal effort.

He's an adult and unless someone has medical POA (and maybe not even then) he gets to decide.

11JB68 · April 04, 2021, 09:14:04 PM

I was thinking some more about this tonight. FIL has always been very cautious about us not visiting if any of us has a cold etc. Times we have visited and he's ended up sick he finds a way to blame it on one of us. He is susceptible to respiratory problems. Yet all of us are too, and we have visited him only to find that HE has a cold.... 'oh I'm almost over it' is the usual comment.
So, just like with Updh, I'm realizing this is an arbitrary scenario. Once I realize that I have no need to try to make sense of it.
He's fine with one of us possibly giving him COVID, but not a chest cold.... So it's not about this AT. ALL. Just arbitrarily being difficult.

SunnyMeadow · April 05, 2021, 09:31:29 AM

Quote from: Outsiderchild on April 04, 2021, 08:18:45 PM
These old PDs love to spout off in situations where people aren't free to respond appropriately to their mean, selfish, ignorant behaviors and somehow they think that means they are proven right when we don't respond.

What a good point. I've never thought of it in this way. My uNPDmother spouts off quite often and if I try to give my opinion on a topic, she gets on her high horse in the most ridiculous way. So now I nod and give bland and bored replies. I can see her smug look when I get quiet and don't reply. She thinks she's right, so right that I simply have no reply.

Same thing at the store. She will give a clerk a bunch of crap and they can't reply to her mean ramblings and VERY important details so she says to me "see, they know I'm right".

SunnyMeadow · April 05, 2021, 09:43:10 AM

Quote from: 11JB68 on March 31, 2021, 09:02:37 PM
updFIL is predictably being very stubborn about not getting vaccinated.

My uNPD mother does not want the vaccine either. Without getting into political stuff, "they are trying to control us, don't you know"

And the way the new shot is made will screw up our bodies. I tell her I'm glad she had me vaccinated for MMR, polio, small pox and others and I feel the same for this virus. She stammers around the fact that those vaccines were ok when she did them.

She knows I've been vaccinated and she still sends me articles how this vaccine is so awful. Uh, thanks mom! I'm filing away notes in my head NOT to be this way when I get old.

Leonor · April 06, 2021, 11:14:23 AM

This is fil's decision. He is within his legal rights to refuse a vaccine, regardless of what anyone else believes.

DH is out of bounds arguing with him about it, and you would be out of bounds to take one side over the other.

"Gee dh, I know we disagree with him on this, but your dad is an adult and I respect his right to accept or refuse the vaccine."

Period. Then just let them sort it out.

daughter · April 06, 2021, 09:19:48 PM

My estranged NF and BNM are reportedly both inoculated. But BNM blames her recent stroke on vaccination. She's 90, thought she'd be able and healthy forever, so something must be to blame. If I were still around, it would be my fault instead.

11JB68 · April 06, 2021, 09:31:43 PM

Leonor agreed. Also it is our boundary that we will not visit him if he is not vaccinated. He called to argue that point. One proposal he made was we could visit and wear masks. I do not want to sit at his house for hours visiting and wear a mask because he won't bother to get vaccinated.

Boat Babe · April 07, 2021, 02:44:27 AM

Quote from: daughter on April 06, 2021, 09:19:48 PM
My estranged NF and BNM are reportedly both inoculated. But BNM blames her recent stroke on vaccination. She's 90, thought she'd be able and healthy forever, so something must be to blame. If I were still around, it would be my fault instead.

My very elderly uBPDgrandmother was like this. She weaponized her illnesses and never accepted that aging had anything to do with any of them. She was "dying" the whole time I knew her till she actually died aged 101!

SunnyMeadow · April 07, 2021, 08:36:07 AM

Quote from: Boat Babe on April 07, 2021, 02:44:27 AM
she actually died aged 101!

Terrifying!

11JB68 · April 19, 2021, 08:45:21 PM

After an exhausting day, found out that basically fil does want to get the vaccine, asked sil to help him, she refused. My guess is that he didn't want to impose on us and/or didn't want to let us know as he knew h would get angry. So I am now going to book an appointment for him.
So disappointing that she wouldn't help him (he's 87, she lives in his house!) And also that he wasn't honest with us about this. He could have been vaccinated weeks ago!