It's the little things

Associate of Daniel · April 09, 2021, 07:16:09 PM

I was driving home from picking up a rare take away pizza the other night. (Rare, as in I rarely buy take away, let alone pizza.)

The pizzas were on the passenger seat and as I drove around corners I placed a hand on the boxes to stop them from sliding off the seat. (Not that they were likely to as I was driving slowly to avoid them sliding off in the first place.🙃)

I suddenly thought, "This is like holding hands with a partner."

That set me off. "I wish I had a partner." "It's not fair." Etc.

What little things set you off on moments of wallowing self pity? Or am I the only one?

I remembered the other day that I am the only person in my family who doesn't have a partner. Even my 81 year old widowed uncle has a lady friend. At 51, I'm tired of being the spinster aunt/sister/daughter/niece.

To use an expression I hate : "It sucks."

And before anyone suggests it, online dating is not me.

Anyway. Just whingeing. Again.

AOD

notrightinthehead · April 10, 2021, 01:09:24 AM

I agree. It sucks. Sending you a big hug!

1footouttadefog · April 10, 2021, 05:56:57 PM

I don't think online dating would be for me either.

Perhaps you could find away to meet people in social settings where there is no dating pressure up front.

I joined a couple meet up groups, I am pretty sure if I wanted to date I could find some nice potentials among the people who participate in the groups, and yet there was no "meat market" type atmosphere, everyone treated each other nicely and all were included socially. I took note of a couple nice men who seemed to have a lot of positive traits. I compared notes with another participant and she is now seeing one of the top candidates.

Poison Ivy · April 11, 2021, 06:51:31 PM

I also miss having someone to hold hands with. I have a very low sex drive, but when I was reading a novel the other day and two characters were holding hands, I felt a pang. I realized this is something I probably will never do again.

Associate of Daniel · April 20, 2021, 03:15:27 AM

And now even my beautiful 14 year old ds has a gf. He finally plucked up courage to ask out a girl he's been sweet on for some time, and she said yes.

Whilst I'm really proud of him and happy for him, I'm having a little attack of the "Nooo! Don't do it!"s, and the "It's not fair!"s.

My little man.

AOD

athene1399 · April 20, 2021, 02:00:02 PM

I remember when I kicked out my ex and he got with a girl and then got married soon after I felt like it was unfair because I was so broke and alone and "what did I do to deserve this?" And " why does he get to be happy?" Maybe this is similar to what you have been going through. I eventually stopped comparing myself to him. Or others. And that may be easy for me to say now as I have a partner, but I do remember struggling for a while, mainly due to comparing myself to others.

JustKeepTrying · April 20, 2021, 10:05:53 PM

A while ago I had that feeling. Wanted to be with someone - and after I left I never thought I would again.

I miss those rare instances where he would hold me at night. Aaannnd then I remember why he would hold me and it all goes away. $:-\$

Now, I'm ok. Just OK. So many decades of abuse have left me in a good place of OK.

Look at the positive, you want or are thinking about it. That is a good thing. A return to normal. Good for you!

Associate of Daniel · April 21, 2021, 04:37:37 AM

Yes, JKT, you're right.

I had exactly that thought recently.

For so long I was anti men, relationships, marriage. It was not a good place to be in.

I'm very thankful that I'm now thinking more healthily about such. And I know that this is just a stage I'm going through and that I'll soon not be bothered by the situation as much.

I do enjoy being single on the whole. Practically, it's hard a lot of the time. And loneliness is hard. But I enjoy my independence and alone time too. It doesn't make a huge amount of sense.

AOD