I'm not new but haven't introduced myself.

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I'm not new but haven't introduced myself.
« on: April 19, 2021, 03:02:05 PM »
Hi all.

I omitted the fact that we need to introduce ourselves to this forum. My name is MarlenaEve here and I'm also found under Stardust1982.

My mother is the main abuser (I suspect she has BPD with narcissism. She got a diagnosis of NPD from few therapists of mine), father is also a narcissist. I don't believe there's a rule that a BPD or NPD should pair up with a co-dependent. Both my parents are emotionally abusive AND dependent on each other and other people (emotionally, financially and sometimes physically-my dad walks with a cane due to his chronic hip problems he refuses to treat; his lack of self-care is absolutely ridiculous)

I have 2 brothers, one is definitely afflicted with NPD (I believe he has a chance of healing it because I have noticed brief moments of awareness/breakthroughs). The other brother suffers inside himself and medicates himself with alcohol. He's also the most health-conscious and has less anxiety or fears in comparison with me or the other sib. I just blocked the one with NPD on the phone and I'm not considering this decision to be changed soon.

Our mother, as you've read from the posts I've written, is a very, very covert abusive person. Like someone here said, she can be secretly mean, very cold, manipulative and calculating but, in front of strangers and relatives, she looks like the most caring, concerned, and nurturing person (my ass!!)

She has zero empathy skills, zero awareness of who she is, and she suffers from a chronic fear of abandonment (she'll probably crumble into pieces if her husband will leave her; she'll go mental if one of her adult kids refuses to speak to her and will use any manipulative tactic in the book to get the adult child to come back to her and play the role she assigned to them.

She never cared about me when I was sick or had mental health problems. Never asked questions about my life (unless it benefitted her).
Dad is worse in this department. He never showed an interest in my personal life (or my brothers' p life).

Example: the brother I haven't blocked who is pretty low maintenance (I think), has lived abroad for some time and decided to move back home when the pandemic started. He came back and moved into an apartment here in our city with my NPD brother. My dad never ever visited their apartment and has never asked them about their personal lives, apt living situation, relationships..

When I lived abroad (I lived there for 11 years) no one in the FOO visited me-it's not like they couldn't afford, because I found out my brothers made a trip around Europe, so they could afford it. But they couldn't give a F about where I was living abroad and what I was doing there.

I went NC with FOO in 2016 after a relative died and my FOO's reaction to this death disgusted me to the core. They all showed ZERO empathy and compassion for this death and for the people who were grieving this person. Narcs take maybe a DAY to get over someone's death and this INCLUDES their own family members (it was my mother's mother who died). I may exaggerate here ha ha. Maybe they don'teven have a time when they get over a tragedy. Maybe tragedy for them is a reason to get supply or fulfill their own hidden agendas. Who knows?

Now I am back living with FOO and in full contact but plan on going NC this year (I so much looking forward to this one :) )

Thanks to all who replied to my topics and have given their valuable opinions on PD family members and emotional abuse. No one can really understand these people but those who've had close contact with them for years.

Hugs to all of you here.
« Last Edit: April 19, 2021, 03:09:22 PM by MarlenaEve »


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Re: I'm not new but haven't introduced myself.
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2021, 09:08:35 PM »
Welcome and thanks for stopping by the welcome mat for an intro. Itís a lot to be dealing with for so long and hopefully you can find a way back out of the close contact soon.
∑ Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage-plan accordingly, make time to heal
∑ Individuation is one key to emotional freedom
∑ It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
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