Bizarre statements made when angry

[11JB68]

Not even sure what to call this. I think it used to keep me confused. Now I SEE it and see it for what it is and it sort of scares me that uPDh can go off on a bizarre tangent when angry. Last night he was upset about a medication issue. Prior to heart attack he used a lot of OTC meds that are not good for heart/blood pressure. He's now on rx meds. But doesn't really follow dr's orders (cuz why should he follow anyone else's rules??) So a med is almost gone (well, not really ,but again, in his mind OMG IT'S ALMOST GONE WHAT WILL I DO????) And no refills. He should be using other med regularly so as not to need this one as much...blah blah blah. And of course it's MY job to order meds/pick up meds/deal with Dr/Pharmacy etc etc. So he gets 'pissy' at me when I tell him no refills left have to talk to dr. At which point I angrily said 'why are you getting pissy with ME?' He backed down a bit but then quickly directed his anger at the dr. (Dr has done nothing wrong, and hasn't yet even said he won't refill the rx...) So the first bizarre comment was when I reminded him he should not use the OTC med as it specifically says it's not good for heart condition and High Blood Pressure. uPDh: "Well, I don't have high blood pressure anymore do I?" (Huh?? This, from the guy who just last week had me check his blood pressure and uses it as an excuse for why people shouldn't make him mad....) Then: "Well, if dr won't refill the med then I'll just use the OTC one and if I die well that will be on his f'n head won't it??"
Wow. This is how fast he goes from zero to 10 with his anger and projection and blame.
This stuff scares me now when I see it. It is so completely unreasonable.
The rest of the night he was very overt the top polite when asking me for anything "can I have x, please honey, thank you". Most of the time it's one word 'requests'. This won't last. He knew he was 'biting the hand that feeds him' and I think he can tell by my responses/expression that I've just about had enough. He is ABLE to back this behavior down JUST ENOUGH to keep me from leaving.
And of course part of me wants to, next time he comments on his blood pressure or esp asks me to take it, say "Why? You no longer have high BP!" but that would be sarcastic/passive aggressive/stooping to his level or to a level he wants me to stoop to so he can say I'm the mean one. I'll be told I'm using his words against him, etc.

[square]

If you were to respond with the "drop the rope" script ("I think the blood pressure cuff is upstairs," "I think the number of the pharmacy is on the bottle"), he will respond in some way to try to get you back into compliance.

The question is, can you take it?

How far will he go? At one extreme, if you think you would be fully terrified by his response, that's something to consider - that you are remaining in a situation where your continual compliance is all that keeps you in even a limited degree of safety. This is grave.

If the situation is malleable to some degree, can you take the discomfort of changing the script?

So I guess you're not going to help?!?!
- I'm busy with ___ right now.

You never help me!!!
- Ignore and carry on.

FINE I WILL DO IT MYSELF (and try to make you regret it).
- Ignore, as long as you, kids, and pets are safe. Possibly find an errand to run.

I guess you don't care about me.
- Of course I do. I'm doing the dishes right now but the cuff is upstairs.
No you don't.
- Ignore.
Blow up
- Starbuck's run

How will you feel? What buttons will he push that would make you pick up the rope again, and why would those buttons be effective?

[GentleSoul]

Hello, your comment about them knowing where to stop, where you line would be that if crossed, you would leave made perfect sense to me.

I am sure they do this.  They PLAY us.  They may pretend to be unaware but they know. 

My late uPD husband knew my deal breaker point too and never quite crossed it.