Sibling Narc cruelty

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I.Matter

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Sibling Narc cruelty
« on: May 14, 2021, 06:53:30 PM »
I haven't posted in a while, I was taking care of self.  I need your thoughts on this. I had to reach out to my older sister for assistance with a form.  I hesitated when reaching out to her because I'm NC from the FOO so that I could heal.  I reached out and heard nothing until later.  In the meantime due to a time factor, I found someone else who could assist..my cousin.  So I sent the sister a msg saying never mind, I found someone else to assist but thank you.    Her husband texted and asked me not to jump to conclusions because they both work in classified areas and can't respond to emails right away.  ok, i get it.  I then told them how I was doing the past months and my bouts with depression and nervous breakdwon.  I don't know why I told them some of my feelings, that turned out to be a big mistake.  The depression was from grieving our Mom's death, my unemployment, the pandemic. etc...  My sister's husband empathized.  Today, my sister texted me in a narcissistic rage, basically saying that I was a loser and laughing at my divorce that happened 20 years ago.  She said that the ex-husband left me and is happily married with 2 kids and he was happy to unload a miserable person.   She laughed because I was unemployed during the pandemic.  She said that I NEVER reached out to her to check on HER after our Mom died.  Mind boggling!!  She has a family to lean on.  I didn't/don't.   Also she never checked on me at all.   I was grieving the death of my Mom, dealing with financial struggle due to unemployment, disinherited in the will...alot.  She laughed because I was disinherited and struggling financially.  But she was disinherited too although not struggling financially.  She also said that her husband hated me and to never text him again.  I don't text him unless it's important and I put her on the text message.  She also called me a few choice names.  I am shocked at the cruelty of her text messages.  I'm in tears.  We are blood relatives, yet she treated me like trash underneath her feet.      Let me know your thoughts. 

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bets

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Re: Sibling Narc cruelty
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2021, 04:16:20 AM »
I'm so sorry. She sounds awful, and her texts were cruel and wrong. I understand the urge to reach out to siblings. I've also done that, and I've made the mistake of thinking they'll be kind and compassionate. It's a shock, isn't it, even when they've been cruel in the past.

Now that you know your sister's "colors," so to speak, perhaps it would be best to resolve to never be vulnerable with her again. Protect yourself from her cruelty. When I struggle to do this, I look at a picture of myself as a child, so innocent and good. I commit to protecting HER, even if I can't commit to protecting my adult self.

I'm not saying you should go NC (unless you want to, you'd be perfectly justified!). I'm saying to keep things more superficial. She obviously can't be trusted with the more personal and painful parts of your life.

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I.Matter

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Re: Sibling Narc cruelty
« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2021, 03:25:50 PM »
Thanks Bets for your response and yes her texts were absolutely awful and cruel.  I guess that was her intent.   I've gone back NC so that I can live the best life that I can.  Both siblings bring up the ex- husband at random times.  They use this to hurt me.  One is obsessed and talks about him like he was a Messiah- she was divorced but remarried and I've never brought her ex husband- what would be the point?   The other sibling makes fun of a divorce that was very hard for me.  The ex cheated on me on a constant basis and was emotionally and mentally abusive.  I feel as if they both want to keep me buried in the past life with 20 years being a long time ago since  I was married.    Continuing to stay NC while being in therapy has helped in the most recent past until I broke it with the older sib.   Both siblings are very selfish and emotionally abusive.