Cheapest/Tightest person in the world is my Dad

[p123]

Got thousands in the bank - about £30K. He gets a pension which he never spends all of.
BUT I've never met such a tight-fisted person in my life.

I've given up now but his flat could do with a few things. The carpet is threadbare, chairs are filthy and old. The wardrobe in his bedroom is falling to bits. He got it from his mother. I can safely say its pre-war (1st world war!)

Classic yesterday was his mobility scooter that he rarely uses. Couldnt get it working. I had a look - not that I know much. I even phoned the company who to be fair tried to help me, but ultimately it sounded like the battery which would have been £200 inc callout. Not cheap but such is life.

I had the old sob story from Dad about how depressed he was, how he couldnt sleep thinking about that money. Seriously? Yeh its annoying but £200 is nothing to him, He is so selfish. Wanted me to "find somewhere cheaper" and "I cant afford that I'll have to sell it". I honestly think he was hoping I'd say "Ok I'll pay it" (I aint got £40K!)

Honestly - I told him he was lucky to have enough money. People with £40K in the bank generally don't need to worry about £200. Old people who can't afford to heat their homes is a different story if its £200. Sometimes I look at him and think "what are you on?"

Is this common? Its not right.

Told me wife my last £100 is going to be spent on a stripper as I lie on my death bed 

[Seven]

No, not in the world.  Maybe in the UK, but not in the world. That status is reserved for my in-laws.

More money than they know what to do with (he's been retired since age 48 and she's never worked...they are 74 now), but always want something for nothing. Too old to cut the grass?  DH gets told that as a son it's his job to volunteer to do it. Noooo. Hire a lawn service. We have our own acres to take care of, and when we can't do it we'll either move or hire someone.

"Do you know anyone who can power wash our carports (yes, more than one) for under $100?"  Nope sorry.  "Well, last time you did it for free".  Sorry, my power washer broke.

Their house has no dishwasher.  They refuse to install one. Even if they don't use it, it will definitely need one to be resold. Yet, they'll waste money on installing central air only and not a heat pump, only for a few years later (ie last month...see my in-laws post) to install a heat pump.  Thousands down the drain...if they only listened to DH the first time.

A few years ago a friend went over to aerate their yard (for free).  FIL bitched that the holes weren't deep enough.

I think it has less to do about the money and more to do with feeling taken advantage of, because they KNOW that they are ignorant to the ways of the world. My ILs really are. Everyone is out to get them.  They trust no one.  They even told the HVAC guy (our friend) that DH is not allowed in their house when they aren't there. Just out of the blue told him that. DH said he doesn't want to be in their house, doesn't want to know where the spare key is,  because if they lose something they can't blame him for it.

They really are shitty parents.

[p123]

Dads excuse is always "I dont like getting ripped off" or "I was poor growing up in the war so dont like to waste money now".

The war was 70 years ago Dad....

Thing is he has zero grasp on how much things cost anyway. He thought the call out charge for this scooter should be £10 max. Like that probably doesnt even cover fuel for a 50 mile round trip.

Hes got so much in the bank he doesnt know how much. ITs there and he plans for it to stay there.

[DM178]

Yes...I experience the same thing with my UBPDM...totally financially set for life, and lives her life like a miser, EXCEPT when it comes to her own needs...

Question: what drives this with BPD? Is it "scarcity" mentality? Afraid of not having enough...It is absolutely mind boggling to me how messed up UPBDM is over this..just absolutely miserable about it, and also plays favourites with whom she does dole out money to within the family...

[Cat of the Canals]

Question: what drives this with BPD? Is it "scarcity" mentality? Afraid of not having enough...It is absolutely mind boggling to me how messed up UPBDM is over this..just absolutely miserable about it, and also plays favourites with whom she does dole out money to within the family...

I have an aunt with suspected BPD who is financially set but just loathes spending money or allowing herself any sort of convenience. The impression I get is that she thinks being so restrictive (especially to the point of making herself miserable in many cases) is some kind of virtue. As if punishing herself makes her a good person.

When BPD mom had a broken foot but was refusing to take it easy (per doctor's orders) and thus risking permanent injury, my dad said something along the lines of, "She thinks if she does enough and sacrifices enough, that she'll get to the end of her life and get a do-over." Again, punishing herself = goodness. The virtue of her sacrifice will end up getting her some kind of reward at some point. Given that they are sisters, it wouldn't surprise me if both behaviors are coming from that same subconscious place.

[p123]

With the Dad the fact of "saving money" is more important than anything else inc comfort....

[Sneezy]

I just had to come back to this thread.  My mom can be soooooo cheap at times, especially with food.  I am not a foodie in any sense of the word.  I can find something I like at McDonalds and I can find something I like at a five-star restaurant.  I'm truly not picky.  But I do draw the line at eating or drinking absolute crap.  So yesterday mom gave me a gift of some coffee.  It's not even store-brand coffee, it's generic no-name coffee.  And it tastes like dirty dishwater.  It's so bad.  And she gave me a ton of it and told me how good it is.

Now what?  Would it be petty if I started serving it to her every time she comes over?  Why would someone think generic coffee is a good gift?   

[FromTheSwamp]

I just had to come back to this thread.  My mom can be soooooo cheap at times, especially with food.  I am not a foodie in any sense of the word.  I can find something I like at McDonalds and I can find something I like at a five-star restaurant.  I'm truly not picky.  But I do draw the line at eating or drinking absolute crap.  So yesterday mom gave me a gift of some coffee.  It's not even store-brand coffee, it's generic no-name coffee.  And it tastes like dirty dishwater.  It's so bad.  And she gave me a ton of it and told me how good it is.

Now what?  Would it be petty if I started serving it to her every time she comes over?  Why would someone think generic coffee is a good gift?   

No, I don't think that would  be petty.  I would take her at her word that she likes it. I would also feel free to make myself some different coffee at the same time.

[Sneezy]

I would take her at her word that she likes it. I would also feel free to make myself some different coffee at the same time.

That's exactly what I'm going to do.  I doubt Mom really likes it, but maybe she does.  She tends to buy things that are on sale, regardless of whether she needs or wants them.  Then she feels guilty about having too much food/drinks around that she's not using.  But she can never throw anything away, because that would make her feel even more guilty.  And that is why she brings me old hot dogs that have been in her fridge for months and brown bananas that she kept taking from the senior center dining room even though she didn't really want them and horrible coffee that she probably doesn't like, but she found for a good price.  I could write a book about my mother and food.  The working title is "If You Love Me, You'll Eat That Last Hot Dog."

[Pepin]

With the Dad the fact of "saving money" is more important than anything else inc comfort....

This is exactly PDmil to a T.  However, she wants to save her money so that she can have her kids inherit as much as possible when she passes - as if she were some kind of martyr.  Ha.  This means that my DH has to play her circus games.  A week ago he was Mr. Gardener for her because another family member didn't want to do it anymore.  DH doesn't even lift a finger in our own yard.  Is it really so hard to find someone to take care of her yard?  She asked DH how much it would cost to redo some of it and he threw out a number that she balked at because he certainly wouldn't be doing the work.  She has absolutely ZERO concept about how much things cost.  ZERO.  Her expenses come down to food and medical.  Absolutely clueless and out of touch with reality. 

I think it is a sob story for attention.  I've seen her accounts and I know the worth of her home...which is land value.  She will always have enough.  But the thing is, those closest to her were never enough and she denies herself to make up for what they cannot give her. 

[p123]

My Dad genuinely likes to have money in his bank. He can't think of a reason why he needs it there. Its like monopoly money to him.
AND it upsets him if he thinks hes been "conned". Which is all the time since he's got no grip on real costs.....

I do grocery shopping for him. If I spend more than £20 ($27) he hates it. I get "I don't want to spend that much in one go". Why? You've got a large fridge and freezer. I wind him up telling him hes going to be the richest person in the graveyard - he is.

His lack of grip on costs is staggering. Our 7yr goes to summer club in school hols. Its great £25 a day. Dad asked once and said "£25 a week isnt too bad". Umm no Dad its per day. He was staggered it was SO EXPENSIVE. Like you can send your kids to a club for 40 hours for 60p an hour.

Took him out last Boxing Day Dec 26th. Set menu. £25 which was pretty good. Harvester which people in the uk will know. Its nice enough but just a chain....
He took it onself to tell the server that it was "daylight robbery" and they should be ashamed of themselves. I was SO embarrassed....

Like I said, chain restaurant, its a national deal. Its not as if the server set the prices either!

I used to take him away for weekends. Not any more. I used to get "No posh hotels I know what you're like". I tried to get cheap hotels but he'd still moan and I got sick of staying in flea pits. Then  when we'd eat he'd only go to ONE place to eat. Wetherspoons (for those in the uk).

Its a pub chain that does cheap bargain food. Its OK I dont mind it but if we stayed somewhere 2 nights we'd eat  in the same place lunch and dinner. He'd pick the cheapest thing on the menu then berate me because I didnt want something off the "special 2 for 1 menu" that we could share. (Nothing wrong but they were basic, small meals). Got sick of that in the end......  Especially if I wanted Deserty I'd get "what are you wasting money on that for"?

I used to think. You're stuck at home all year. This is one weekend you're son takes you away, you've got £40K in the bank and you're still trying to spend as little money as possible. In the end, I thought no more....