How do you hold onto your own energy / not get drawn in ?

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Sheppane

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Any tips / ideas on how to hold onto your own energy ?

I have a workplace situation coming up where I know it will be very challenging.  I'm likely to feel triggered,  aswell as feelings of fear, hurt, rejection,  anger , feeling trapped. It is a very dysfunctional environment which replicates FOO.

Often I will fawn to keep things peaceful ( FOG trait !). When I do that I literally feel myself slipping away. I also absorb the atmosphere in the room and take on the energy very physically.

I am aware this is a trauma response.  Thanks to my recovery I have some tools.

I have found useful images / techniques on YouTube to not take on others energy,  mantras like " hold on to yourself " , observe don't absorb,  shield visualisation/ protective bubble  etc.

I'd love to hear any of your techniques / mantras / visualisations.  I try to breathe and ground myself in the moment but often my trauma response is triggered so fast that it is very difficult to "manage" it in the moment,  aswell as trying to protect myself by being on the lookout for gaslighting and other forms of the same- as I often step in without noticing until afterwards that actually I was being really abused.

It is exhausting having to do all this. I want to keep it simple. I plan on expecting what usually happens ( others behaviour) , 3cs to happen.  But how can I keep myself feeling grounded and detached thru this ?

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Hazy111

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Re: How do you hold onto your own energy / not get drawn in ?
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2021, 12:24:32 PM »
Tell yourself one day im leaving this place for good and hopefully it wont be too long.

Ive worked in places that made me feel dreadful because they had very disordered people  in it.  Of course i was triggered because it was so reminiscent of FOO. 

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Andeza

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Re: How do you hold onto your own energy / not get drawn in ?
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2021, 12:28:59 PM »
I wear a black onyx stone. The intent is to absorb my negative energy and also the negative energy of those around me. Obviously this isn't for everybody, because not everybody sees a use or function in gemstones and crystals. Works good for me though.
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

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theonetoblame

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Re: How do you hold onto your own energy / not get drawn in ?
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2021, 04:47:32 PM »
I tend to go a bit 'meta' with these situations. Have you ever read philosophy/psychology of organizational behavior? If not, Hirschman may be a useful start: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exit,_Voice,_and_Loyalty 

I'm not sure if your employment concerns relate to a toxic power over relationship with a supervisor or colleagues that are inappropriate.

When it comes to employers/supervisors it has always been helpful for me to remember that the business I work for, and the manager I report to, are both vulnerable to, and dependent on, me. Employees often think it's a one way street, that we are dependent on the business and supervisor for our job, income, life etc. Supervisors and employers are most definitely vulnerable to, and dependent upon, their employees and reports. This dependency can be very difficult to manage and it takes a skilled leader to navigate it effectively.

With this in mind, I then move to looking at different leadership personalities in my workplace, how they may be feeling vulnerable to the dependency they have on reports, and what conscious or unconscious strategies they may be using to manage the associated feelings.

Many anxious supervisors will make the mistake of 'micro managing' as a means of trying to control the situation and the vulnerability they feel. Others will disconnect, and become distant or avoidant. A healthy manager, who is able to manage the stress associated with the vulnerability, will collaborate, form coalitions, seek honest input and lead from within the group rather than insisting their reports see them as a superior who wields power over them.  If your challenges relate to a supervisor, I believe one of the best first steps is to stand back a bit and try to understand what type of leader they are. If they control, this could come across as micromanagement, splitting of staff relationships etc. and look very personality disordered. These are often the most stressful for staff although a disconnected manager will leave employees feeling rudderless and without direction. Although less acute at first, avoidant management can have long term repercussions for employee performance and advancement.

Once you have a clear understanding of what type of leader you are dealing with it becomes possible to develop strategies to match their style. For example, with an anxious and controlling leader one of the best things we can do is to reduce uncertainty for them. As I started with, I don't know the details of your situation -- I'm just putting out some ideas.


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Sheppane

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Re: How do you hold onto your own energy / not get drawn in ?
« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2021, 11:41:50 AM »
Thanks everyone for your replies they have given me a lot to think about.

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theonetoblame

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Re: How do you hold onto your own energy / not get drawn in ?
« Reply #5 on: June 27, 2021, 12:55:00 AM »
On a lighter note, I will also tell myself that part of the money I earn at work is payment for dealing with my supervisors and coworkers. Unfortunately, many employers don't state this explicitly in the job description otherwise toxic workplace JDs would look something like this.

- reviews reports for accuracy and content 10%
- onboards new clients and connects them to internal productivity networks 5%
- deals with all the bs and nonsense of their burned out and jaded supervisor 80%
- does their best not to scream at newly hired subordinate who keeps saying this is a good place to work 5%

In truth, if I'm under 30% for item 3 I'm usually thinking it's not a bad job, item 4 is usually a given at 5% (crap will always slide downhill)  :applause: :applause: :bigwink:
« Last Edit: June 27, 2021, 12:58:40 AM by theonetoblame »

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Andeza

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Re: How do you hold onto your own energy / not get drawn in ?
« Reply #6 on: June 27, 2021, 01:07:06 AM »
theonetoblame, I love that. It's so true of my past work experiences! My typical strategy was to slowly insist more and more that I worked better alone. That I didn't mind working alone. That I didn't need the "office culture" to feel connected to my coworkers, etc. All said in a super cheerful fashion. I got sent to cover shifts in some pretty remote places as a result, far, far away from micromanaging sub-supervisor. :bigwink: My biggest gripe then became the porta-potty, which in the desert when it's 12F outside is a major yikes moment. Take that over the PDs though. Any day.

So additionally, I held onto myself by getting farther away from the damaging people.
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

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Sheppane

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Re: How do you hold onto your own energy / not get drawn in ?
« Reply #7 on: July 09, 2021, 09:01:14 PM »
Thank you everyone. I haven't got to reply here in some time but I had my work showdown and your comments/ support were very helpful  :)

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Boat Babe

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Re: How do you hold onto your own energy / not get drawn in ?
« Reply #8 on: July 10, 2021, 06:07:38 AM »
On a lighter note, I will also tell myself that part of the money I earn at work is payment for dealing with my supervisors and coworkers. Unfortunately, many employers don't state this explicitly in the job description otherwise toxic workplace JDs would look something like this.

- reviews reports for accuracy and content 10%
- onboards new clients and connects them to internal productivity networks 5%
- deals with all the bs and nonsense of their burned out and jaded supervisor 80%
- does their best not to scream at newly hired subordinate who keeps saying this is a good place to work 5%

In truth, if I'm under 30% for item 3 I'm usually thinking it's not a bad job, item 4 is usually a given at 5% (crap will always slide downhill)  :applause: :applause: :bigwink:


Love it!
It gets better. It has to.

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Sheppane

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Re: How do you hold onto your own energy / not get drawn in ?
« Reply #9 on: July 12, 2021, 08:38:29 PM »
I really love this too and it has given me  new way of looking at it !!