Idealization part of the merry go round

[ToAudrey]

H has recently been very keen to make meals I like and asking what ingredients I prefer and such. Even going on about wanting to make a meal with an ingredient he is known to hate so much that I never brought it in the house (I like it but don't crave it and would just eat it when out somewhere).  My gut tells me this is just the top of the cycle and he has no newly found care about what I like.

I've been I think (least trying) fairly medium chill for a while. Not all the way gray rock, a bit jovial but not going out of my way to be close with him. I have no trust in these offers of special meals and things but also am trying to break being a people pleaser so feeling like a jerk for being a bit cold. I say thank you when he does do things and give sincere gratitude. Does anyone else have a hard time not feeling rude?

[Boat Babe]

If you're uncomfortable about his uncharacteristically attentive (not authentically kind btw) behavior, that in itself is telling.  That's your gut speaking loud and clear.

Your gut is in conversation with your "people pleasing" behaviours.   This is happening in part because you are not in a stressy part of the cycle so have extra energy to see what's happening.  You're learning.

Use this time of respite from extremes of behaviour to think about yourself. About what's best for you going forward and what, if anything, is keeping you in the cycle.

Much love.

[ToAudrey]

Thank you Boat Babe! I hadn't considered that this phase is less stressy so easier to see. It helped last night to think of it that way. There is that initial pull of "oh well they are being kind so you are stuck now"...nope not obligated. Keeping that on repeat and looking back at notes of the other parts of the cycle.

[escapingman]

OMG!  There is that initial pull of "oh well they are being kind so you are stuck now"

That is so true! My wife is trying right now and I am feeling I can't leave now when she is trying. Even though I know she will let rip in at any time. Thanks for reminding me.

Good luck to you ToAudrey.

[11JB68]

I'm going through a bit of a love bombing phase also. Big anniversary coming up and Updh seems determined to celebrate it. Also I think he's noticing my general lack of joy. Seems to think he can 'buy me' a gift and that will 'make me' happy.