Recovering from emotionally immature parents

[lightworld]

This is the follow up to the book -Adult children of emotionally immature parents by Lindsay Gibson. Another excellent book perfectly describing how EI parents take over your life and cause so much grief. I was most impressed by her simple techniques for reclaiming your self concept and learning how to value yourself after being indoctrinated into believing that you had no worth.

The only bit I found unhelpful was the section on communicating and maintaining a relationship with an EI parent. All my attempts to do this and use similar techniques with F completely failed and I was left with no alternative but to go NC for my own protection. The author seemed to be saying that we as  children of EI parents should communicate with them honestly and not lose ourselves in the interactions, something that I could never do.

I found the emphasis on the huge effort ACoEIPs need to make towards saving the relationship was a little disappointing after all the stuff about getting out from under their influence and dominance. In this section, the author doesn't mention the option to decide to have no contact and mentions that one of her clients came to the realisation that "He's my Dad" which was hardly an original of meaningful reason to stay in an abusive relationship. The only mention of NC comes in the Bill of Rights at the end which is a very comprehensive and helpful list.

On the whole I thought the book was well written in straightforward language, perhaps a little simplistic at times like when she was describing how you can surface from a depression, but very helpful and spot on when describing PD behaviour.

[Sapling]

I'm going to post a full review of this book later but I just wanted to say thank you,  lightworld, because I am half way through this book and it is evoking so much grief for me right now. It is also validating so much of the unspoken loneliness I've felt all my life and my craving for this love I never had as a child. Each short chapter seems to speak to a deep part of me that hasn't been able to express itself. I've also read "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" but II didn't know there was a follow up book so I can't thank you enough for your post.

[desertpine]

I just started reading one of these books - I can't remember which one since they all have similar titles. I agree with what you said, that it seems overly simplistic for having a parent with a PD. She avoids using diagnostic terms - she says that can be reductionistic or something. I think what she writes is more applicable to parents who don't meet the diagnostic criteria for a PD. People can be what she calls emotionally immature, but not be so dysfunctional that they reach the level of a PD, right? She doesn't seem to say that outright but it seems like what she is saying. 
So far, the book is validating to my own experience growing up and the relationship with my FOO now. At times I'm reading it and a bit shocked because I didn't know some of this stuff wasn't normal! I just can't imagine having a parent with emotional awareness or much empathy.  Like normal mothers don't expect their children to anticipate their needs and regulate their egos. I don't know what to do with that- I mean that is the golden rule in my family and the idea that caregivers are supposed to provide those things to their kids - well that just doesn't make sense to me on an emotional level. Intellectually, I agree - but not from my lived experience.
I like the concrete steps and guidelines. The Bill of Rights for Adults raised by immature parents is good too.