Mother’s day blah😑

beacartoonheart · May 10, 2021, 12:48:32 AM

So i've been drinkin'..... thinkin'? Maybe both😐 i feel guilty as fuck. 5 years since no contact and it really does not get easier. I know walking away was the right thing to save me and my sanity... my life even but damn i'm still human and i can't help but think i'm selfish. Anyone else feeling like a turd today?

Boat Babe · May 10, 2021, 02:56:19 AM

Was she toxic as f**k? Did she mess with your head for years? Did she manipulate you through gaslighting, threats, intermittent reinforcement and threats? Did she physically abuse you? Did she allow others to abuse you? Did she neglect you? Were you chronically lonely as a child? Etc etc.

The mother's day hype is just that. Mindless consumerism. See it for the joke it is.

Sending you buckets of love as you celebrate your strength, determination, self-compassion am courage.

YOU ROCK !

SunnyMeadow · May 10, 2021, 09:19:28 AM

It is a day of mindless consumerism, a Hallmark holiday. I've fallen into it for years too but really consider this about your Mother... did she do a good job, does she/did she deserve a celebration? I'm going to say no! Mine sure doesn't deserve it.

beacartoonheart, enjoy your freedom from toxic behavior. I wish I was strong enough to go NC. I couldn't do it and I pay the price everyday. She's in my head everyday and I wish she wasn't. When I went NC for a few months, I could feel the relief sinking in here and there. You are strong and are protecting yourself. It's ok to feel bad especially on a day that everyone is shouting about mothers. Protecting yourself is a good thing.

Liketheducks · May 10, 2021, 02:19:30 PM

I had a couple of twinges of the guilts. This was the first holiday, other than Easter which we really never observed, that I completely followed her instruction of "I want nothing to do with you and your nonsense and stop sending me things". So, I didn't send anything. The commercials touting how there is nothing to compare to a mother's love....got to me a bit. I even let my family off the hook on the day. They made me a nice meal and hubs brought me some pretty grocery store flowers and a card. DS helped around the house. It was low drama and low key....and lovely.
Interestingly, I looked into the origins of Mother's Day in the states. Anna Jarvis was a peace activist who started it to address public health issues affecting mothers. She then spent the rest of her life trying to get it reversed because she hated the commercialism and Hallmark holiday it had become.

Call Me Cordelia · May 10, 2021, 03:17:17 PM

Yeah, I just want safe childbirth without burdensome interventions and mental health support for Mother's Day, k thanks keep the chocolate.

beacartoonheart · May 11, 2021, 04:21:26 AM

Quote from: Boat Babe on May 10, 2021, 02:56:19 AM
Was she toxic as f**k? Did she mess with your head for years? Did she manipulate you through gaslighting, threats, intermittent reinforcement and threats? Did she physically abuse you? Did she allow others to abuse you? Did she neglect you? Were you chronically lonely as a child? Etc etc.

Thank you Boat Babe, your msg helped me put the drink down and get some shut eye last night. Everything you wrote was as though you have been watching my entire life in a Truman show type manner. I guess sometimes I forget how bad it actually was because I am often too bombarded with guilt. Thank you for reminding me, I appreciate you and everyone else who helped me open my foggy eyes.

beacartoonheart · May 11, 2021, 04:24:58 AM

Quote from: Liketheducks on May 10, 2021, 02:19:30 PM

Interestingly, I looked into the origins of Mother's Day in the states. Anna Jarvis was a peace activist who started it to address public health issues affecting mothers. She then spent the rest of her life trying to get it reversed because she hated the commercialism and Hallmark holiday it had become.

I like this, thank you.

beacartoonheart · May 11, 2021, 04:38:48 AM

Quote from: SunnyMeadow on May 10, 2021, 09:19:28 AM

beacartoonheart, enjoy your freedom from toxic behavior. I wish I was strong enough to go NC. I couldn't do it and I pay the price everyday. She's in my head everyday and I wish she wasn't. When I went NC for a few months, I could feel the relief sinking in here and there. You are strong and are protecting yourself. It's ok to feel bad especially on a day that everyone is shouting about mothers. Protecting yourself is a good thing.

I really had no intention to go NC, it just happened one day. I really just couldn't handle the manipulative, controlling abuse anymore and something snapped inside of me and I had to leave. I decided it was either I walk away from her (and all of my things like childhood photos and year books and cherished items) or I end things for myself cause I could no longer live that way, I was defeated.
I know I said it doesn't get easier but for the most part it does. It was the hardest yet best thing i have done for myself and I really hope you get your clarity moment like I did. Life is too short to live someone else's life.

You are strong enough.

Boat Babe · May 11, 2021, 06:02:02 AM

What we ALL have to remember is the choice to go NC is the lesser of two evils. By far the lesser, to be sure, but it does come with a price.

I am LC with my mother as she is more of a waif these days and I live 100 miles away, but I still get guilt tripped by her. It's the price I pay for not having her in my life and it's cheap at the price.

And I can work on the guilt and the obligation (mum's favourites) to free myself of their toxicity. I am freer now than I have ever been, and it's great.

Sending you massive hugs and hope you feel better now that stupid day is over.