[broken_in_brooklyn]

My daughter dropped out of school in 10th grade. She's 18 and does nothing at home, is exhibiting increasingly weird phobias, and becoming increasingly violent at home. Very abusive and irrational. I believe she will not get better while living with us, but has no skills and absolutely cannot manage by herself. We are at a loss. How do you get to someone like this?

[blunk]

Welcome, I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time with your daughter, the violence you mention is especially concerning. Please, do everything you need to in order to keep yourself and other family members safe. This may be as simple as setting a boundary around not remaining in the room when she starts to escalate, and in more extreme cases, it could possibly mean involving the authorities.

With that in mind, I would suggest that you start reading some of the information on the tabs at the top of the page, such as: the top 100 traits, what to do and what not to do, as well as resources that may be of help to you in finding help for your daughter. You will also find the forum to be a community of people who are understanding and knowledgeable, and will offer feedback and advice without judgement. The title of your post mentions escalating BPD. Has this been diagnosed? Are you able to get your daughter to speak with a therapist? In my experience, if it is truly BPD, she may be hesitant to seek help, but perhaps with your help and support she can find the help that she needs. Good luck to you.

[broken_in_brooklyn]

I realize my post was misleading, she has not been diagnosed with BPD. She was diagnosed a few years ago as ODD with anxiety- I now think that was a misdiagnosis. I read up on BPD and she seems to have most of the traits. She is now escalating her mood swings between contempt and rage. She fights us on everything. She is not willing to seek help or talk to a doctor or therapist. She has many of the traits listed for BPD. I'm scared for her future, as I can't imagine her seeking help.

[Thru the Rain]

Maybe some tough love? Make going to a therapist a condition of continuing to live in your home?

18 is old enough that living at her parent's home is a privilege not a right.

And your list of phobias, violence, irrationality could be caused by a whole realm of things and may have a medical basis that could be treated.