“Arguments”

[Cascade]

My PD husband often accuses me of trying to start arguments. I can ask him the simplest thing, nothing personal, nothing important, and yet he thinks I'm trying to argue. Then he clams up. I think he's getting advice about this from a friend, about how to avoid arguments. I used to think it was me, that maybe if I worded things differently our conversations would go better. It's a lonely marriage when you can't even hold a simple conversation with the one that's supposed to be your closest friend.

[escapingman]

Completely agree on this one, I have stopped trying to having any conversation with my uNPDw as she takes everything as an attempt to argue. She even takes me washing up the dishes as an attempt to argue as she sees that as me telling her she should have washed up already 

[IcedCoffee]

I rehearse most conversations with my uBPDw in order to minimize arguments. I shouldn't do this. I never have to do it with anyone else. And it doesn't even help much.

[Cascade]

She even takes me washing up the dishes as an attempt to argue as she sees that as me telling her she should have washed up already 

Wow!

I rehearse most conversations with my uBPDw in order to minimize arguments. I shouldn't do this. I never have to do it with anyone else. And it doesn't even help much.

I've done this too, and you're right, it doesn't even help much. So I guess there isn't any point of me trying to explain that I'm not trying to start an argument?

[Free2Bme]

Ugghhhh...

My T referred to this a "King Baby" behavior.  It's exhausting, irresponsible, and so very immature.

[11JB68]

I can be minding my business doing something. Updh will criticize, insist I'm doing it wrong, insist I do it his way.
If I don't or I say anything negative, I'm the argumentative one 

[thedoghousedweller]

Yes - I see the behavior as well  - of finding a conflict where there is none - in a different way.  My uSPDw often accuses me of taking an aggressive posture when she asks me a question.  I don't feel aggressive, so I know it's incidental if I appear aggressive. 

She woke me up the other night - I had my alarm set to pick up our daughter from a trip - by opening up the bedroom door and shouting into the room.  I gasped in coming out of my sleep.  She was very upset that I had reacted that way to her.  Obviously, my reaction was beyond my control.   

[Kitbit]

Arguments are when things get crazy. I think it is their mindset, which precedes any situation that has unfolded. The transition from reasonable human to raging a-hole happens in a split second, and it still takes me by surprise after all these years. One of the most insightful things I learned from my reading was that they are aware of their behaviour and can actually control it at will. It depends who the audience is.

[Lauren17]

Completely agree on this one, I have stopped trying to having any conversation with my uNPDw as she takes everything as an attempt to argue. She even takes me washing up the dishes as an attempt to argue as she sees that as me telling her she should have washed up already 

My uBPDh has multiple ways of starting an argument over the dishes.  Sometimes, it's exactly as you've described.  If I'm doing them, then I'm somehow suggesting he should have done them.  Sometimes he gets angry and storms off.  Sometimes, he insists on angrily finishing them.  Sometimes, he decides I'm angry with him because I do them in the morning, in the afternoon, or too loudly.  Sometimes, he insists he will do them and then waits 2-3 days, so every dish in the house is dirty.  Now that I see it's a game for him, I just MC.  And the dishes drama has died off considerably.

I agree with Kitbit that this is intentional.  Never happens when we have houseguests...