Breaking point

[JustKeepTrying]

Dear escapingman,

I know where you are.  Still in the FOG yet seeing the edge yet hoping it's not real - that what you are experiencing isn't real.  There was something inside of me that denied the fact that this was a personality disorder and recovery was minimal.  I kept hoping and searching for anything that belied what was happening to me.  And life kept occurring - major life stuff and small stuff that would distract me or at best, just postpone what was happening.  I had made vows, dreams, and plans, and giving those up was a death as real as the loss of a parent.

Don't think we are anything but understanding, sympathetic as well as supportive.  You are in turmoil and it is hard to see reality when the world is spinning.

I encouraged you in other posts to take time to step outside of your situation - when you posted about a family trip - the reason for that is so you could breathe and detach from the emotion.  Make a plan without the daily drama of your wife.  I still encourage you to do that but the reality - again - is with kids and job it isn't possible.

But please, in those quiet moments whether they be in the wee early hours or that fifteen minutes of commuting or that ten minutes in the bathroom - breathe, live in the present, and let those circling thoughts go when they begin to intrude.  When you can do that, you will be able to plan and determine what is best for you and your family.

I've been there - so many of us have - and it is devastatingly hard.  Heart-wrenching.  If you want to change your situation, I believe you can.  Your posts indicate that you are a smart, resourceful, and compassionate person who wants what is best for your family.  You can do this.  I believe in you.

[Free2Bme]

 

escaping man,

My heart goes out to you.  I have experienced so much of what you describe, it is incredibly difficult to live in day to day.

I had to remind myself constantly that updxh was either not willing or capable of change, or some combination thereof.  My survival depended upon me telling myself the truth moment by moment, and giving up all hope in order to survive with my sanity intact. 

Conserve your mental/emotional resources whenever you can.  Use them judiciously to strengthen your skillset on the toolbox things that Son of Thunder was encouraging you on. 

Please consider finding a T for your children very soon.  Establish this as their routine so that they have a trusted, outside relationship they can lean upon when you separate from updw.  This will be a source of help for them and you, an investment.
I know it's hard to navigate when spouse is unstable like yours' is.  But, If you are going to die on a hill, this would be a good one.

You are not alone, sending strength your way

[escapingman]

Thanks for all your comments, it's really touching that so many people care. You are all spot on, I need to make a plan, but as you also have understood I am not completely Out of the FOG and that makes it torture - I know what she is but my emotion thinking is tripping me up. As you have said, I need distance to look at this from outside, but the last week has been a complete nightmare with her isolating and being home 24 hours a day. Since her outburst last weekend she has painted me white for some reason, this has of course come with the expense that the kids has got her rage at various times. So this week has really just been about keeping the head above water and to be there for the kids. As you also written, there always seems to be something small or big that comes in and stops the escape. I think this is the last of the FOG I need to deal with, I just got to stop feeling guilty for putting my own needs before hers. I probably should see a T, but I am so worried I would get one that doesn't understand and instead will make this worse. If it wasn't for the kids I would just leave and don't look back, but I tried twice but couldn't stay away from them so returned home (she manipulated them into believing I was leaving them too).

[ploughthrough2021]

I had a therapist for couple and then had a few more sessions with her individually and she completely missed the boat.  During the couple therapy, she concluded that I had to change for her... Good thing I had insurance back then.  The guidance from this website has been spot on.  When I split the finance, I will definitely donate to this group !!!!

[escapingman]

I think I despite all she has done has been hopping I am wrong. Deep down I know I am right but still struggling. However,  she has just had another day where she unmasked herself and really behaved like the devil. It's becoming so obvious but it hurts, she do or say something and I pick her up on I and she blatantly denies it - even 5 seconds after the event she pretends it never happened. I really fear for the children's wellbeing allowing them to see this being in the middle of her complete breakdown. I am going to have to fight her tooth and nail as I don't trust her with the children anymore. I am currently away for a few days (getting rest from this charade), but just had a long list of messages from SG saying her toys has been confiscated and that uNPD raged and screamed at her and that she has been told she is not going to be getting anything to eat tonight. I need to use this week to make a real plan and to start executing it in a weeks time.

[Boat Babe]

Good luck man. You can do this. ❤️

[Spring Butterfly]

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